Bitter Sweet……….

This week life is changing again.  My daughter called and wants me to come get my 2 1/2 year old grandson.  This will be the 3rd time she has left and I have had to get him.  This is the LAST time I will do it.  I made it very clear to her.  So, the week has been rough.  Tons of moving things around and setting his bedroom back up for him.  Organizing and cleaning.  Getting supplies needed for him.  Heading out in the morning and will be back the next day. 

Anyone with Chronic Pain knows sitting in a car for 8 hours is not going to be good.  The trip ma take longer due to the need to take stops and stand up.  I also have to see the States Attorney while there to get a custody form completed.  The good news is I get to see my best friend while I am there.  I really miss her!


The Negative always seems to find me!!

Yet again depressions ugly head has roared upon me.  What do I get depressed about? Well….

Lack of food, unable to eat healthy which would help, hunger pains, etc.

Feeling like I am just existing…

I way too much pain and getting no where…

No one to talk to, the feeling of loneliness.  I cut out all the negative people and not many remain…..

Feel like I dont really matter……

Hmmmmm….  I will revisit this tomorrow.


The next day…….

Doing a bit better mentally but the amount of pain really make life hard to deal with sometimes.  The things I used to do to get through the mental depression was always cleaning, but its hard to do that when your in this much pain.  Wishing the doctors would find the source.  I have arthritis and degenerative disc disease and bulged discs, but it seems there is something more.  That explains the neck, low back and leg pains, plus numb toes and stabbing hot electrical surges.  but the entire pelvic bone area hurts.  I feel like they need to xray that area and make sure there is not a tumor present.  It sucks that in order to get better you yourself have to dig and research and find possibilities and then push your doctors to check into them.  Most visits are run in the room, quick checking off of your diagnosis’ and running back out the room.  Rush Rush Rush!  How do I get to be one of the people they actual take time with?  No wondering I feel like I do not matter!  Geeze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And so much for family being there for me during the starvation times.  But they insist they love me and need me to stay alive.  Whatever!