SMILE, it really does bring joy…

I have struggled a lot recently with way too much pain and feeling down.  One thing is for sure, just the simple act of forcing a smile on your face does uplift you!  That’s right, make yourself smile, even while you are feeling down or angry.  Force that smile on your face and your body releases a feel good chemical that does improve your mood.

I was feeling all kinds or anger for many reasons, then I remembered that smiling will help, so I forced a smile on my face and I held that smile there for a full minute.  I began to feel better!  Every moment I caught myself feeling down I put that smile back on my face and I felt better.  I found myself smiling for no reason at all.  This really does work!  

What do you have to loose… Nothing, except your sadness and anger.  The next time you feel down, angry or just not good, force a smile upon your face.  Hold that smile there for as long as you can and through out the day remember to smile even when you don’t feel like it.  Trust me, your body will send out that feel good chemical and you will improve your mood.  I dare you….. Just try it out!

I would love to hear from anyone who has given forth the effort to force the smile upon their face and continue to put that smile there rough the day………….

S M I L E . . .

Filling Your Karma Account with Positive Credits…

We all have Karma.  What we put out, is what we get back.  So, each positive thought or affirmation is like a positive credit in your Karma account.  The goal being to have more positive than negative.  Like a buffer for any negative thing that occurs.

For example, let’s say you start each day with positive affirmations.  Those affirmations are each a credit in your account.  So, we say 5 positive affirmations and we deposit five positive credits.  Through out the day when a negative thought comes in your mind, then that takes away a positive credit, but if you immediately change that negative thought into a positive one and say it out loud, you can stop the withdrawal of a positive credit.  It balances out.  If you have a bad day and cannot help the negative thoughts, you could easily go into the negative in your karma account, so you want to build up as many positive credits as possible on the days you are feeling good.  Each thought and each action that is positive, is a positive credit.  When we help others or do good/nice things for them, we feel better and we deposit much more positive credits.  The more we do this, the better we feel!

Try to make each day start with positive credits into you karma account.  Affirmations and good intentions followed up with doing nice things for others.  Make an achievable goal that you can make each day, like 10 credits per day and work towards that goal every single day.  Remember, everyone has bad days, so do not get yourself down when this happens to you.    

Being still, silent and just relaxing is a daily practice we all need to have.  Our intuition and gut tells us so many things.  Yet, you must be quiet in order to hear it.  Nothing is more important than your happiness and well being.  Make the time, if even just a few minutes a day, to give yourself that silence and connection to your own spirit………….


Finding our Light/Love…

We all come here with the same purpose, to find our light within and help it grow.  Our light is our soul.  Light is Love and all thing positive are of Love.  Everything else is not of love and therefore negative.  Each and everyone of us is of the light.  We are born to this world that is full of all kinds of negativity.  We only learn from negative things.  So, life is filled with trials, tribulations and learning.  Children are very connected to the light.  The younger they are, the more they are connected.  Society plays a huge roll in masking their light.  We basically come here with amnesia of who we are and where we come from, with the common goal of remembering.  Children do not have the stress of bills and making ends meet and they are free to go with the flow of their light.

Every single thing we do is a choice.  When we wake up, what clothes we wear, what we eat, where we go, how we react to things, etc.   We either choose from the light/love or from the negative/not love.  

Nothing in this life can make you happy, only you have that ability.  No object or person can make this happen.  An object or person may feel like happiness temporarily, but that happiness is fleating and does not last.  We are the only ones with the power to create happiness for ourselves.  We only have control over ourselves.  We control the choices we make and cannot control what someone else chooses to do.  This is why so many rich people are not happy, because you cannot buy happiness.  You cannot buy anything that is of the light and love!  Money can make life easier, with less stress of paying bills and obtaining the basic needs of life.  We truly only do need food, clothing and shelter.

So, you focus on your very own light/love.  You grow your light until it fills you completely and then you can help others find and grow there own light.  This is why it feels so good to help someone else, because that comes from love and only love can lift us up!  

How does one do this?  Know that life here on earth is not real.  The only thing that is real is love/light.  You take time every single day, if even just ten minutes, and you breathe slowly, deeply and relax your physical body.  The more you do this, the easier it becomes to relax.  Guided meditations are very good for beginners.  They walk you through the steps of breathing and relaxing your body.  There are many out there, just find the one that seems to click for you.  

Being in the present moment… This is very important.  Even if you only find the time to do this during a meal or during a break, do it!  You focus only on what is going on right now!  Notice your breath, what do you hear?  What do you smell?  What do you taste?  What does something feel like?  Using your five senses you explore the here and now.  Not the past or the future, just what is going on right now.  When you have thoughts enter your mind of the past or the future, anything that is not right now, acknowledge them and return to the present moment!  This will happen, often, at first.  You are teaching yourself how to be in this very moment without worries or concerns of what has happened or what might happen.  Because reality is ONLY what is going on right NOW!  

The key is to train your body to relax and focus on the here and now only.  Once you do this, you can begin to find out who your really are.  Not what someone else wants you to be.  What is fun for you?  For me, I actually enjoy cleaning and doing crafts.  Learn about yourself as you would a new friend.  You are your own best friend and you are never alone!  Build a loving relationship with yourself!  This is how you find happiness.  It has always been within you!  Trust, honor and cherish yourself, as you would do with a best friend.  Choose always from your light/LOVE and you create a beautiful future for yourself and anyone around you………….

Pondering Things…

I have an email in my box today that says no sender, no message and no content, but the date it shows as the date it was sent is 12/31/69? I was born in August of 1969. It’s so weird and crazy…

I have lived my entire life with mental illness and bouts with major depression. It never ceases to catch me off guard how down I can find myself. Have you ever just sat quietly and tried to explore what it is you are actually feeling? I am sitting out back and it’s quiet other than the water sound from a small pond on my porch. I asked myself, “What exactly are you feeling?” It is hard to really know what it is that i am feeling. I have to really relax myself and search inside. I feel sadness, physical pain, alone, stress and exhaustion! I can hear birds chirping and vehicles going by along with the sound of water flowing in the pond. I also hear an occasional airplane and dogs bark in the distance. A gentle breeze is caressing my skin. I look around and I see the beauty in nature. The rich greens of spring time. Seeing, hearing and feeling nature are very pleasant.

I want to escape the physical pain that I am in every minute of every day. I want to disappear in nature and feel only the soft breeze on my skin. I want to no longer feel as though I am being swallowed in a dark cloud of depression. I take any moment I can find to slip into nature and separate myself from the world of pain and suffering I live in. Even when it is only seconds that I can find.

I began to think of times when I felt very happy. Then I realized why those times were also so short lived. Because I felt happy due to something I bought myself or was able to play with. At first it is new and exciting and you feel happy, but money can NOT buy happiness. Happiness is a feeling that we can create with or without money. That is why when we feel happy for a short time after we are able to buy something we want, it is so short lived.

“B” is very happy today, because he is going out to buy a truck that he wants. This is what got me to thinking about happiness and how it is quickly gone when we try to find it through money. There are so many things we need here and the money for that vehicle isn’t going to help anyone being wasted on something that is not even needed. It will just make him feel good for a few days! The car I bought years ago for my son after he passed away, “B” got rid of it. Oh, now I see where my deep darkness is stemming from. Now he is going to have what he wants and the car that represented my dead son is gone! Well, it took a while, but now I really know what is eating at me so deeply! Honestly, there are several things that have brought me to this point, but now I am finally seeing what is eating at me so deeply!

I have to really work on and try to find happiness for myself………….

Pain… Stress… Worry…

I am having a rough go of things lately. I still hold on to my Affirmations and positive thoughts, but the stress and worry over my health has become a big issue lately. My daughter is also back in with the wrong people and drugs so that adds a lot of stress and worry to my plate.

I have been thinking way to much about the cysts on my ovaries and how the one on the left is very large and pushing my uterus over to the side. I know no matter what the cysts are I will have to have the left one removed, as it is causing many problems. If it is too big they will not be able to remove it through a scope and I much prefer the scope over a large incision which would require way more time to heal and recover from.

I know that if the cysts are cancer I will have to have a complete hysterectomy and start chemo treatment. I fear chemo because I can’t handle the nausea and vomiting associated with that. I know I am getting ahead of myself, because I do not know if they are cancer yet. I only know that I have had signs for over a year that something is very wrong in my body and the weight loss alone has pointed to cancer. So, yes, I am fearful, worried and scared. I know this does not help me and worrying over something I do not have answers to yet is just causing me more problems. So, I have been working hard on not allowing it to consume my thoughts. I had a full day where I broke down over it all, but I think I have it in better control now.

A few years ago my daughter was on Meth and it was with the guy that lived down the street and made the stuff. He has been in prison, but he got out a little over a week ago and he immediately began bugging my daughter. I have caught her in lies and last night she snuck out of the house. I knew she was at his house because one of my cats follows us when we go somewhere and she was sitting in his driveway. I messaged my daughter that I couldn’t deal with her crap again and she had choices to make. She returned home high on something, I am pretty sure it’s meth. She had been drinking, which she does every night, but she had the hyped up energy and she spilled a long story out to me which I knew immediately was all lies. She is acting like she did when she was on the meth before and I just cannot deal with that again! It is only a matter of time now before she takes off or I have to toss her out again. She has psychotic outbursts and she screams at her son like a demon. My grandson has major behavioral issues and I spent over a year getting him to act better and in a matter of three months all my work has been tossed out of the window. He is very bad!


I feel like I am in a torture device today. During ‘that time of the month’ my pain levels are so high it is all I can do to get through each minute of the day. I do not get cramps and normal menstrual pain, it just inflames my pain areas even more. My low back, hips and everything in between is crushing in pain. It is unrelenting to say the least. I am desperately trying to find something else to focus my mind on. This is a critical time for me to keep my mind occupied!

I have been slowly working my way through my home doing Spring Cleaning. With the increased pain I have had to slow down even more, but I still put in the effort every day. I have my stations set up. I work on a small area to clean, then I work on some crochet for a bit. I also try to draw each day and I make sure I write in my journal throughout the day. I know that during this time I have to lay down often, so I have selected a show on Netflix with several episodes to help occupy my mind as well. I can never find a thing I want to watch on cable. I have not had cable for a few years now.

We all need coping mechanisms in order to get through difficult times. Finding what works for you is important and then making a list of these things is also very important, because when you are depressed or in way too much pain, it is near impossible to think of what you can do to occupy your mind then. I made several rice packs that I heat in the microwave and apply to my pain areas. They are portable and stay warm for quite a while. I soak in an Epsom salt bath when my pain is off the charts. Anything at all that will pull your attention away from the pain is important. Nothing is worse than sitting around and dwelling on how horrible the pain is. I found that taking my medications on a strict schedule also aids in having some control over the intensity of it all.

Here is a list I have created of things that occupy my mind and give me a way of coping through the day:

CRAFTS- crochet, beading, painting, drawing, scrapbooking & sewing
PUZZLES- word search, crossword, 1,000 piece puzzles
SURFING THE INTERNET- check email, Facebook, Pinterest, etc.
MAKING HOMEMADE ITEMS- laundry soap, soap, healing salve, cleaning products, face cream, face wash, toner, deodorant and dishwasher detergent.

I painted one wall in my bedroom. I painted a scene that covers the entire wall with water and the moon and trees. I always wanted a mural on that wall and one day I just decided to take all my acrylic paints and go for it. I still need to finish the trees and then seal it, but it was a very therapeutic thing for me and I see it ever single day. It brings a smile to my face. I had never painted like that before and I was surprised how well it turned out. If there are things you have always wanted to do or try, go for it! We need to move past fear and embrace things. Doing something outside of the normal box is a great way to discover a true passion.

When I see something I would like to have, the first thing I do is ask myself if it is something I could probably make. Then I go online and search for videos on how to make it. I do not buy any jewelry, because I can make pretty much anything I find that I like and it occupies your mind away from your pain, depression or what ever you are having to deal with. I have always been very interested in natural products and I know a lot about herbs and their uses. Now, I make all of our cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, healing salve, etc. I experimented with different recipes I found and then created my own. It took time to find what worked the best, but now I have my own custom made blends that work better than anything I ever could of bought in a store and they are all natural. Find what inspires you or what interests you. Everyone has creativity and using your creativity is the key to a more peaceful and happy life………….

P.S. – it has been over 12 days since my CT scan and I have left several messages, but it have not been giving the results yet. I am just going to assume everything must be ok or they would of contacted me, right?!


One thing’s for sure… If any one of us unleashes our creativity, our
world will split open. We’ll find unprecedented ways of solving problems
and expressing our souls, and our lives will be forever changed.

~ Creativity Tips from Martha Beck

It never ceases to amaze me how animals have an instinct to care for their young. Even when they are very young themselves when they have babies. How they just know exactly what they need to do is amazing to me. My neighbors cat had three babies two weeks ago and one of them was born with an eye deformity and infection. I go daily there to cleanse the eye and treat it for them. The mommy is always right their when she hears her baby cry and she looks to me to follow her and return her baby. I do this as quickly as possible so there is not any undue stress to the kitten or mommy. I watch them and I am always amazed at that natural instinct. Mommy wasn’t licking the babies eye to keep it clean so I put some organic coconut oil on it every day to encourage her to clean it and she does. The baby has shown improvement, but I do not know if that eye will even be functioning. I told my neighbor that I would like to adopt that baby when he is old enough and he agreed. When ever one of his cats get injured he always comes to me. I am a natural healer and I know a lot about herbs so I have saved them a ton in Vet bills I guess. Lavender essential oil is safe and very effective on wounds. You would be amazed how quickly that oil heals even the deepest of wounds, especially on animals. I discovered that back when one of my cats came home with a large and deep wound in her side. I waited a few days to see if it would heal with her tending to it, but it had gotten much worse. So, I dropped a few drops of lavender essential oil into the wound each day and it healed up so fast I was amazed. She even has hair growing there again too.

I have always had trouble focusing and concentrating on things that do not completely capture my attention. Back in school I would have to read things over and over and even then sometimes I would still not have a clue as to what I read. I noticed that lately, even things I am very interested in, are not sticking when I read them. It is as if my mind just cannot focus on the one thing and there are so many other things going around in my head. Usually I am able to be mindful and focus on what is going on right now, but lately it’s been difficult. I am not sure why that is. I am going to go sit outside in the sun and focus my attention only on nature. Maybe that will help. We had a couple of chilly days here, but it’s back to sunny and 70’s now and I love that temperature………….


Finding a way to describe what you are feeling inside your body can actually be challenging. How do you put into words things that are beyond the scope of our vocabulary? Though assigning words to what we feel is an important step in the right direction.

In order to describe what we are feeling, we have to still our body and mind and dive deep within ourselves. This is mindfulness. When you quiet your mind and focus only on what you are experiencing. Slowly going through your body and noting everything you find. You are focusing only on yourself and you lock out all other stimulus.

Mindfulness can be done while you eat. You focus only on your food and you slowly chew each bite, really tasting the food and how it feels in your mouth. You apply words to this as well. For example, you may be eating a piece of toast. You smell the toast and note the words that come to mind. You take a small bite and feel it inside of your mouth and note the words that describe its flavor. You are focusing only on the piece of toast and all of the senses in your body associated with eating that piece of toast.

Doing these exercises helps us to explore what we are actually feeling or sensing and allows us to give words to what is going on in our bodies. Sometimes I feel as if I have the flu and it just won’t go away. That would be the broad description of it, but by using mindfulness I can go deeper and really explore what is going on inside of me. Focus on your feet and slowly work your way up through your body. At each part of your body explore only that area. Notice your feet and how they feel. Your toes, your heal and even the bones inside of your feet. What are you feeling? For me, I feel like the bones in the ball of my foot and the toes are all crushed together, yet the surface of my entire foot is numb and dead feeling. My feet are often very cold like ice. I wiggle my toes but they no longer move as they once did. I have the sensation of my foot being in a strangulating device that is being slowly twisted tighter and tighter. Really search for words that describe what you are feeling. Then, slowly move up to the next part of your body. My legs feel tight and strained. My range of movement is much lower. The muscles are hard bundles and I feel a pain that is like an ice cream headache going down my left leg. Continue this throughout your body.

You will be surprised when you are finished. You will find many more words to describe what you are feeling and you may even discover that what you thought was a pain in one area of your body, is actually coming from a different area. Really connecting to your body and actually feeling what is going on can be of a great assistance to you. Words are powerful. When we are able to fully express how we feel, we open the door to finding something that may help us.

When I began reading about mindfulness many years ago, I was often confused on how to actual apply it to myself. I wanted a detailed description of how to make it work. I hope I have given enough information her to help you begin your own journey into mindfulness. We all live life without really looking at what is going on around us. Being mindful is when we actually stop and pay attention to only what is going on right now. If you are sitting outside, feel the sun on your skin and the wind on your face. What noises do you hear? Do you see any animals? If so, pay close attention to them and what they are doing. Really look at them. Describe them in detail to yourself. This is how we begin to be mindful. When you get used to being mindful, you will remember things in much more detail and you will no longer feel like a zombie going through your days………….


I Feel Like A Daisy…

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Try writing down the phrase “I feel like a ———” and then
toss out the first ten nouns that come to mind: pizza,
orchid, sword, whatever. Now read over what you’ve written
and see what rings true. Do you really feel like an orchid?
In what way? Be as irrational as you can be. The less you
keep the rules, the more your mind will begin to use words
as vehicles to convey the sense of your experience, rather
than as rigid structures that limit your thoughts and feelings.
~ Revealing Ourselves: The Art of Self-Disclosure, Martha Beck

Why do I feel like a daisy? Because I am pretty and I smell good and I flourish in the spring time. That was the first word that came to my mind, daisy. I love Martha Beck and I agree with her statement. Words are a powerful thing. The more we explore words the wider our horizon becomes.

When we find ourselves in a depression, we need to distract our mind away from the darkness. Even the smallest of things can help us pull ourselves up and out of that dark place. My mother was feeling depressed (it is genetic and we both suffer from it) and she was invited to a dinner, but did not feel like going. She made herself go and ended up feeling much better. They all wound up taking about words and their proper usage. Just a simple conversation, but it distracted her away from the depression and onto looking up words. She was with friends and they had a good time talking to each other. Having a friend to talk with and help distract your mind is awesome. I miss being near my best friend and seeing her regularly. But do not forget, we are our own best friend as well. We can always help ourselves in times of need just like a friend can.

One of my siblings is the kind of person that does not cry in public and does not talk about anything bothering her. When someone meets her the first impression is that she is a very cold bitch. Excuse my swear word, but that is the best word for it. She stares at people and her face makes one wonder why she hates them so much. I don’t think she realizes this, but it definitely comes across as her being mean, judgmental and scary. She was recently fired from a job for bullying in the form of exclusion and gestures. She does not understand how this could be true, but if she would step back and really look at things she might see that just the looks on her face along with her body language causes one to feel very intimidated and scared. Prior to being fired she had been told she needed to take a class on how to interact with others and I couldn’t agree more. I wanted to talk to her about it all and help her see what she was doing, but I did not. The reason I did not do this is because she is scary and she does NOT like to talk about feelings or any of it. If she could get to a place where she could step back and really look at herself without judgement she might be able to begin to understand why she has found herself in such a lonely and dark place. We cannot help someone who does not want the help and who does not want to see the truth in their own actions. So I stepped back and just gave her a hug and let it all be. If she ever gets to a place where she wants to change herself, then she will have my full support.

The only person we can change is ourselves. We cannot change another person, but if they want our help we can assist them in their own recovery. Only if they have already chose to change themselves. We have to accept people as they are, because nothing we do or say is going to change them. We can lead by examples of ourself, but in the end change can only be found when each person chooses it for them. Just knowing psi time statements and voices them is not going to completely change anyone. My sister says very smart things and sounds as thought she understands how to be positive and yet her actions are the complete opposite. We start by using positive words and creating a habit of them, then we move on to our actions.

Having morals is a good way to know what is right for you and what is not. Much like we setting up boundaries for ourselves. So we know who we are and what we stand for. I have written down my beliefs. Like, I believe animals should always be protected. I believe that we do not actually die when our physical body dies. I have looked at the kind of person I want to be and I made of list of those qualities. I then also wrote down what types of things are right and what are wrong, so I had a basis to go back to when I felt puzzled by a feeling or occurrence. I always ask myself if something is positive or not. Is it coming from love? Is this the right thing to do for me? We are all different so what is right for me, may not be right for you………….

You Have To Want To Change…

One thing is for sure, we will never change a single thing in our lives if we do not fully want it to change. When we get to the point in life that we want things to be different and we are ready to put forth the effort to make our lives better, that is when you know you are ready. If you think you want change in your life, but you are unwilling to put in the work or you keep holding on to an old pattern, then you are not ready.

Our minds are very powerful. We have the ability to put our mind on what ever we want to do and make anything we want happen. This is how an addict can one day stop using and never touch the drug again. We have to want the change fully and then keep our mind on the outcome we desire. We really can do anything we put our minds too. However, if we do not fully want the change, then we will not be successful!

First of all, you have to decide what you really want. I wanted to do what ever possible to create a happier life for myself. Happiness is found within ourselves and no where else. I have many bad habits, like negative thinking and excessive worrying. So I knew that was where I had to start. In order to be happy, we must work on the negative issues in our own life. How we react to things and how we speak to others and listen is important. We can only change ourselves. Knowing that is the most important thing. We have no control over ANYONE other than ourselves. So give up what ever control you think you have, because you don’t really have it. If you want a situation to be different, then you have to change how you react to it.

Finding a place to start. For me, I knew that it takes 21 days to form a habit, so I would have to do what I wanted to become a habit for me, every single day for three weeks. I was lucky enough to be able to go stay with my parents for this time. In an environment that did not have negativity in it. I read several books prior to my stay with my parents, so I could get an understanding of how to incorporate positive thoughts into my life. Every single day while at my parents house I did the following:

Reflected on emotions and feelings I was having as soon as I woke up.

– this means to identify the emotion I felt, give it a label and explore it. For instance, one morning I felt anger. Then I asked myself why I was feeling angry. I discovered it was due to the level of pain I was in, so I reminded myself that this happens sometimes and being angry was not going to change it, but rather, make it difficult for me to have a good day.

Read, out loud, a list of positive affirmations.

– whether you believe the positive affirmations or not, it is important to say them out loud every day and over time you will discover that you do believe them. Stating positive things as if they are already true. I AM at Peace! I AM Happy!

Paid close attention to my thoughts and when they went to the negative I quickly acknowledge the thought, but did not accept it as my own and replaced it with a positive thought instead.

– it is vitally important to pay attention to our thoughts. This is how we can catch negative thoughts and change them. Once you form the habit of doing this on a daily basis, it becomes much easier to see when negative thoughts are floating around your mind.

Wrote in my personal journal.

– writing in a personal journal is very healing and it allows you to go back and see where you were and how far you have come. Not to mention, you can remember events this way as well. It is a healing thing to do.

Said Yes to getting out of the house when ever possible.

– I had gotten to the point in life that I felt so bad so often that I just stayed home and hide in my room and I needed to get out of the house, even if it caused my pain to flare up. Getting out of the house is extremely important, even if it is just for a walk.

Wrote in my blog daily, reflecting on the positive things.

– I discovered that writing in my blog about what I was doing and learning was capturing many more people and I felt I was important once again. I noticed how much I liked reading positive things and I wanted to focus my thoughts on the positive and not the negative when ever possible.

Took an hour daily to meditate or just relax while deeply breathing.

– this time is special. It is just for us and we need to make some time just to allow our bodies to relax. Even if it is only ten minutes a day, do it for yourself.

Allowed myself to rest when I felt tired or in too much pain.

– not saying negative things to myself when I had to go lay down due to my pain levels and allowing myself to rest when it was needed. We say entirely way too many negative things to ourselves. We should only be stating positive and caring things to ourselves.

Not responding to issues immediately. Taking the time to breathe and choose a more positive approach.

– if we speak before we think, we often say things we regret or that create more drama. So take a few deep breaths and really discover what you want to add to the situation. Ask yourself if what you are going to say will help the person or make it worse. Is your statement negative or is it positive? Always come from a place of love and reject any negative thoughts or words.

There will be days that are a struggle, but we can always choose what we say and how we react. Just because we are having a bad day, does not mean we need to make other people have a bad day as well………….