It Seems Like I Keep Getting Sick…

A week ago, I noticed a swollen area in my neck on the right side. I do not have my tonsils and I have not had even a sore throat really ever since they were removed. This lump got bigger and more painful every day and then another lump on the other side of my neck came up. On Monday, the lump was big enough to see just by looking at my neck, so I went to the doctor. He said he felt it was the Eustachian tubes and not lymph nodes since it is a long thin lump. He put me on high doses of amoxicillin, 1,000 mg twice a day and gave me a steroid shot in my butt. After three days I was still dealing with very large painful lumps. It feels like I have a sore throat but it is really coming from deep in my ear where it meets the throat. I put in another call to the doctor yesterday but I have not heard anything yet. I was unable to even stay awake yesterday. I very much need some relief from this and I want to know what the heck is going on. I guess I will go into the ER if I don’t get anywhere today and it keeps causing me so much distress.

On the boyfriend front… I jumped the gun and let him move in here with me and he was a completely different person. The five days he had stayed with me before where amazing, but when he had living here status he was a jack ass. What is up with men anyway. I feel thinks I never felt in my life for this guy, I had thought it must be true love, now I am left wondering what it really is. I ended up having him move back out after one week. My brain says he is not good for me and my heart/body wants him. He doesn’t put forth the effort to make me a priority though. I am going with the flow and seeing what happens. My best friend says she has a bad feeling about him and I need to stay away from him.

An old friend from high school has been talking to me and we have been catching up on things over the years. That’s been real nice. Heck, he has been more attentive towards me than anyone!

My daughter was arrested five days after beating me and spent a night in jail. They waited five days to arrest her for beating me in the head, weird! The judge put her on a year of probation where she has to check in monthly and pay on fines and she is to have no violent contact with me. The judge also ordered her to do family counseling, but they have not enforced that. So, basically, they get some money out of the deal and I can have her put in jail for a year if she chooses to be violent toward me again. I guess that is a step in the right direction. She just needs to stay off drugs and alcohol!

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The boyfriend and me…

Another screwed up weekend…

Let me start by saying I have finally experiences true love. I found a man that brings out the good in me and one who creates feelings I have never experienced before. I don’t want anything from him, I just want to do anything to make him happy and feel good. I never thought I would experience this. It really sucks when we are not together, but I am happy and smile every day because of him.

So, Saturday night, my daughter chose to leave with her son and go to a friends house and get drunk. She called me up drunk flipping out for me to come get her. I had Bennett drive me and my BF to get her, my grandson and my van. It took forever to find that place because getting direction from a drunk is impossible. Once we finally arrived there, we had to hunt for the keys to my van. I noticed her bra and shorts were off of her and in a box she brought over there filled with things for Keith to play with. I checked the shorts and found the keys. We got in the van, Kerry was in the back with my grandson and my BF was next to me. Kerry began to flip out that she could not find her phone and that I needed to turn around and go back and get her phone. I told her, “No! That if it was there I would message her brother to bring it home, since he stayed there for a bit after I left”. She continued to flip out. She slapped me in the face while I was driving. My BF had to stop her from hitting me more. As she continued to flip out, she said horrible things to me and the next thing I knew she had my hair in her hand and pulled it back so far my head was pulled all the way back, while I was driving. Then she continued to punch me over and over in the back of my Head. I ended up having to slam on the breaks while my BF tried to get her off of me and stop her from hitting me anymore. I skid a good 30 feet and then we stopped and smoke billowed out around he van. I had an instant headache from hell. I kept telling her to stop or I was going to call the cops. She refused, so I called the cops and told them to meet me at my house as I was in route there and she was beating me while I was driving. I made it home thanks to my BF and I went in the house to wait for the cops. My daughter had her son out front with her in the freezing cold. She was so drunk she just kept going on and on about stuff to her four year old child. The cops finally arrived, two of them in separate cars. The first one got out and began to talk to me, stating he remembers being called out to my house before (though it had been a long time since). He got my info and story and then went over and talked to my daughter. Now, I was always told if my kids laid a hand on me they would be immediately arrested. I wanted my daughter arrested and detained in the hopes it would get through to her. The damn cops did what they always do, told me I can’t kick her out without an eviction which costs $75. How the hell she did not get arrested is far beyond me. This is the only place I have ever lived where they let anything happen. I told them she was not coming back in my house after she beat me in the head. She ended up going to another friends house for the night. Of course, she said horrible shit to me and kept saying how Keith was her son and she would do what she wanted.

She messaged me the next day, wanting to come home and never once realizing it was all because of her and her need to be screwed up on something. That is how it always ends up. I told her no way was she coming back here. I talked to the cop next door and he told me I had no choice but to allow her to come here because she lived here, until I spent the money and waited the time to have her removed, but I could file for a warrant on her and go to court about her beating me. Needless to say, she ended up coming home. I told her that the use of my vehicle was strictly for work and her son and would not be used for any other purpose. If she touched any alcohol or drugs she would be tossed to the damn curb! She apologized and proceeded to act like nothing happened. Story of my damn life!

Then, this morning she came barging into my room to tell me she had to go to work, but she was called to get Keith from school because he was acting out. I told her oh well, it was her son and her problem. See, she is in love with her manager who is married, but he calls her and flirts with her, etc. all she cares about it going to work and seeing him, not her son. I have slept about three hours a night since Friday night too. I am done doing for her. Who the hell beats their own mother anyway. I’m tired of my hands being tied! i want to just go live in my van and get away from here! The only thing that has kept me going this weekend was my BF. I always put my kids first and they abuse me. All I can say is….. I AM SO DONE! Today is also her birthday and she turned 26 today. I always make her a cake, but I did not do it this year. To hell with this shit. I pay the mortgage here so they all have a roof over their heads, for what? My poor grandson is destine to have a horrible life because of her. Maybe his father should get him, he would surely be better off!

I probably would of taken my own life this weekend if I did not have the love of my life here with me to support me and help me. Things have to change and the only way they will happen is if I just leave and stop paying the mortgage. I have places to go, I just always stayed because of my grandson. Obviously this is a bad environment for him due to his mother. It may hurt him to be away from his mom, but he would surely be better off. I know I will be if that day ever does arrive. All I ever wanted was to have a normal and loving family. Guess that is out of the question………….

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My BF and I on Friday at a Monster Truck Show…