Discovered my Spouse has been Cheating…

I already knew something was up. My intuition has never been wrong and he had been acting the part. My last husband cheated and left, I was with him for 16 years. This one I was with for 8 years. However, the last six months I began to stop having any feelings for him. He brought nothing but negativity into my life. He was the cause of all the drama and chaos here! When I told him I knew in a message, he came home from work with a cop to get some things. I knew he was going to do that, intuition! So, I had already packed up some of his stuff and it was waiting on the porch for him. I am one step ahead of his sorry butt! I don’t even want his last name, though it don’t want to deal with having to change all my things either. I will request my maiden name in the divorce. I will also get alimony…

It is amazing how much better everyone in this house feels. Now we know that all of the negativity was him. He tried so hard to make everyone fight. He is a horrible person. He lies so much you can’t believe anything he says. It feels amazing not having him here. I love having my bed and bathroom to myself and my son is finally happy, he is the man of the house. I should of left a long time ago, just from the lying and the fact he steals things. I have never done that and I am completely against it. I am strong now!

I had two major surgeries and almost died and he was shitty as hell. I always told him actions speak louder than words. It’s so much easier this time, because it didn’t love him like my last and I stopped having feelings for him with all he had done to me. I am a much stronger person now too, than I was before. It is amazing how going through major surgeries and almost dying will change you. I focus on the positive and always rely on my intuition.

I have chronic pain and I have to deal with that every day, but mentally I am in a better place now. I gave him everything and he will now begin to loose everything. I never want him even near me again. Too much negativity. We all actually figured out he was the cause of it all while he took a vacation by himself and was gone a week this month. We all felt pretty good until he came back.

Always, listen to your intuition, it is never wrong. You do not need to wait for proof. Trust me, I have been through it a few times! All that matters is that you are happy and you are not suffering at the hands of someone else! Abuse comes in all kinds of forms. You will know, because you will feel horrible all the time when that person is around. That is your sign to get away from them for ever! Your happiness is the most important thing for your life………….

What’s Been Going On…

My husband left last Thursday to take his week vacation by himself. The only time we ever do anything together is during his vacation. He wanted to go by himself and I am always stuck here at this house. He has been distant, so I can only assume he is no longer wanting to be here with me. All he seems to care about is himself and his precious truck. He blew money we didn’t even have on the truck to try to impress people and I needed a list of things. I still have 1-3 more weeks of recovery and restrictions. I cant say how shitty it was for him to take his vacation during my recovery and then to go by himself. What an asshole. Why do I keep marrying assholes?

I have been feeling better over all, but still struggle with pain as the day wears on. I also have spells of depression every afternoon that goes into the evening but usually lifts by the time I go to bed or is gone by morning, only to do it again in the afternoon, every single day!

The last three mornings I have woke to pee trickling out of me. I don’t understand why it is doing that. I had no issues the first week after catheter removal. I wake two times in the night to pee, so why the hell is this happening in the morning?

My son made me feel good. He said how good I look and even after surgeries I still was beautiful. I can no longer wear make up. I put it on the other day and my face broke out. I guess lots of things in my body are changing from having my uterus, cervix, ovaries and tubes removed.

I feel so alone and lonely. At least I am able to do some cleaning now. I have to do small sections and then rest, but I can get something done every day. It helps to occupy my mind. I want to clean out the closet but that requires a lot of lifting and I am not supposed to lift things or push or pull things. I don’t need anymore problems, so I need to follow the rules!

I wish I was sharing my life with someone that had the same interests as I do and someone that showed their love for me. I guess I am supposed to learn how to be happy alone in this life.

I am off to find something to clean, so I can occupy my mind away from all the depressing things and feel like I accomplished something today………….

Me without makeup on…

UPDATE: catheter is finally out…

On Friday I went in for a test to check my bladder, ureter and kidney. They hooked up a bottle of contrast to my catheter and it was supposed flow down into my bladder, but it would not go in. They spent over a half hour trying to get the contrast to go into my bladder and it wouldn’t. It was like something was blocking the catheter line, even though I had no problems with it prior. They ended up having to manually inject the contrast into me with a syringe into the catheter line. Which tells me something must of been in the way and the force of the syringe allowed the contrast to get past it. My bladder became full quickly and they started taking pictures with the fluoroscopy machine. I had to roll to each side and get pictures. They were checking to make sure there were no leaks or reflux. Then the fluoroscopy machine stopped working. They ended up having to restart the entire system. I was thinking, “Geeze, why is it everything that can happen seems to happen to me?” The machine got back up and working and they finished taking pictures. Everything looked great! They hooked me back up to my catheter bag and told me they could not take it out. I was pissed and asked them to call the doctor so I could get it out. Meanwhile, the contrast is not coming out of me into the catheter bag. I sat, then stood, then walked and even sat on the toilet and used force and nothing! There had to be something in there blocking it! Finally, the doctor called back and said yes, they could remove the catheter. As soon as it came out of me, I went to the toilet and peed like crazy. What a relief to finally have that out of me after 25 days!

I had feared not being able to pee or having pain, like many people posted after a catheter was in for an extended period of time, but I had no problems at all. No pain either and I no longer had the stabbing pain the catheter caused me. The only issue I have had was the first two nights I was up every single hour to pee, then last night I was up every two hours to pee. My bladder had to stretch again. I made sure I tried to hold my urine when I felt I had to pee for a little bit to help my bladder get back to normal.

I was at my parents house from August 21 until September 2 and it was so peaceful and nice. My parents waited on me so I didn’t do things that I was restricted from. I had no worries really at all while I was there. I want so badly to be back there now!

I haven’t even been home a week and my adult kids have already been at it again. Getting drunk and fighting. I finally said no alcohol is allowed in this house and if you break the rule, your out. I can pack up and move in with my parents and then they will all be homeless when the house is taken away. I don’t even want to be here, but it is the only way they all have a roof over their heads. I don’t even have enough money after bills to buy things I need. Yet, they go out and get what ever they want. Just kills me. They all need a dose of reality. My grandson is the only reason I am here! He is in Pre-K now and in speech therapy.

“B” and I just live like roommates. He doesn’t do anything with me or even spend time with me when I am laid up. I have gotten to the point I just don’t care anymore. That sucks, because once you get here, there is no going back. I have never been to a concert and he won tickets, but I am in recovery and couldn’t go, he went! He leaves Thursday to go up to see his family by himself. He insisted he was going by himself. Can’t even take a vacation with me. He says he loves me, but there is no way that can be true! It sucks! Just have to learn to love to be with me, myself and I. Oh, and my two kitties!

If I lived with my mom she would have someone to do things with. I would get to do things, instead of being stuck here alone and having to listen to my daughter scream and yell.