Coping Mechanisms…

Last night, I was reclined in my chair and I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. So, I got up and got ready for bed. I climbed in my bed and snuggled down, then I could not go to sleep! This happens to me all the time. I take medication to help me sleep, because if I don’t take that medication, I do not sleep at all. How can you be so tired and barely awake, then wham…. You cannot go to sleep? It takes me over an hour to fall asleep with my medication. I take the medication two hours before bedtime. Sometimes, I can crawl into bed and it will only take about 15 minutes for me to sleep. But generally, it’s a good hour. I suppose stress and worry all play a role in being able to fall asleep. My mind has been full of all kinds of worry and stress and that generally causes me to have trouble shutting my mind off. Though, usually when that is the case, I am not falling asleep in the chair before I get into bed.

I woke today with one of my horrible headaches that I think come from my neck. My entire head feels like it is being crushed into my brain. I feel it is caused by my neck, because when I stretch my neck in certain ways the pain is alleviated mostly during the stretch. I have these headaches often. I do have Degenerative Disc Disease and arthritis in my neck, as well as through out my entire spine and coccyx. My pain in my neck is usually less noticeable, due to my tailbone being one of the most intense pain sites. I know the pain is there, but when another area is maxed up in pain, it lessens the trauma of the pain in other areas. For instance, my head is screaming at me right now, so my mind is mostly focused on that pain. However, I feel the tailbone pain and my crushing foot pain too. My mind is acknowledging all the high pain areas and then focusing more on the one area with the most intense pain. That is why it is so important to me, to occupy my mind as often as possible. Focus the brain on other things and the intensity of my pain does decrease. It never goes away, but it is a helpful tool in my arsenal.

18 Years ago, when I first became burdened with panic attacks, I started meditating and while meditating I began the process of using a trigger word to help me relax when I was not meditating. This is done when you are in a deep relaxed state, you focus on a word. My word is “RELAX”! I see it and feel it. It took me several weeks to get this trigger word in my relaxed states and then be able to just see the word and breath to relax myself. To this day, I use the trigger word. All I have to do is see the word in my mind and take a few deep slow breaths. My body then responds by completely relaxing. This has helped me survive panic attacks, as well as, high blood pressure and pain. Just by breathing rhythmically and focusing your mind on that breath, you can ease some of the most bothersome things in life. It does not make it all go away permanently, but it is another wonderful tool to have in your arsenal.

How do we survive all the horrible pain, trauma, disorders, attacks and so on? Many people commit suicide to end their suffering. So, how do we all find ourselves still here? We have found coping mechanisms. Things that help us get through and survive the worst of the worst! Some of us have wonderful support systems to help with the burden we find ourselves in. I may not have a support system and I find myself at the bottom of the barrel on many occasions, but I have used coping mechanisms to make it this far, so they must be helpful. My tools are: Meditation, Relaxation, Focused Breathing, a Trigger Word, Taking my Medications on Schedule, Writing this Blog, Talking to others who also Suffer (it’s good to know you are not alone and to have a place you can be open about your pain and suffering), Focusing the mind on crafts or tasks, Epsom Salt Baths, Rice Heating Pads, Biofreeze, OTC medications for inflammation and Journaling…. What are some of the coping skills you have found to be helpful? I would LOVE to hear them………….

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I just WISH for a little Peace…

I have been more worried and stressed than I realized I was. I began to cry as I thought about dying in the next few years. As I thought about the possibility of having cancer, I realized that if I do in fact have cancer, I won’t survive it. It has already spread and surviving after it spreads is next to impossible. My sister died of colo-rectal cancer in 2000. She spent three years telling the doctors that she couldn’t poop and all they did was give her laxatives. When they finally decided to go in with a colonoscopy, it was far too late. It had spread to her ovaries and not to long after they removed everything, it spread to her bone. Tears welled up in my eyes, as I thought about not surviving. My thoughts went straight to not seeing my grandson grow up. That was when I realized I was far more worried and stressed over it than I had thought. After all, I did not have a diagnosis yet and it could be something other than the horrible “C” word.

I have always been a major worrier. Worry about everything until I find a way around it or through it. My youngest son is also a major worrier and I think he is actually worse than I am, but that could be due to his young age. I feel that I worried more when I was younger, but maybe I just found ways to deal with it in my much greater age. I often do not realize something is actually bothering me until I sit quietly and reflect. I spend so much time trying to occupy my mind away from pain and anxiety, that I do not see the more than obvious signs of worry and stress. I have recently made myself spend a few minutes after I wake, to reflect on what is on my mind or what I had dreamed, etc. even doing that, I did not see how much I was actually worried about it. It wasn’t until I had the thoughts go straight to dying and not seeing my grandson grow up, that is when I realized the extent of my worry.

One thing I do know, is that no matter what someone suffers from, they do far better when they have a strong support system. I have always wished that I had one. My family here with me, often causes great chaos and stress. They do not ever put anyone before themselves. I need them all to band together now and put me before anything else. Yet, no matter the amount of times I have expressed this, they just go on being negative and nasty. My one wish for Christmas this year, is for my family to all be together and live peacefully. I am going to have my family all together, now if I could just find the right words to express the immediate need for them to coexist in a peaceful manner. I do not think those words even exist.

I did not tell B that my daughter was coming until I knew for sure that she would be here. He always gets so angry and I feared how he would react. I did not tell him until last night when I received confirmation of my daughters arrival on Monday. Needless to say, he was pissed, but what I did not expect was my son to jump all over me and basically say some very mean things to me, in what seemed to be, a collaboration with B. My son does that though, says mean things to me and tends to cuss at me. I may have been wrong for not discussing my daughters arrival with B, but I truly feared his reaction, as he always has a very negative reaction when it comes to my daughter. I just cannot take anymore negativity, damn it!. I NEED peace! I NEED to feel like my family is here for me no matter what! They are all concerned over my daughter doing what she usually does after a few months of settling in. That is, act up and cause drama. I have made it abundantly clear that I cannot tolerate that sort of thing anymore. I can only hope and pray that, this time, she will not resort to her usual tactics. Oh how jealous I am of those who have such a beautifully together and caring family…

I know that each life has to have trials and tribulations. That we only learn from the negative things in life. We cannot make anyone do or act in the way we want them too. We can only control our selves! You have to accept people as they are! However, you do not have to allow things to go on, in your own home, that are detrimental to your survival. We all have choices and consequences to what we choose. Ah, if life could just be as easy as snapping your finger or twitching your nose to achieve peace. That makes me I think of the show, “Bewitched” that I watched back in my childhood. Twitch your nose and the vacuum cleaner goes through the house, chores are done, as you sit comfortably in your chair. Wouldn’t that be something!?!

So here I am…. Wishing and hoping…. If you read this, could you send up a little prayer for me? I would greatly appreciate that, as I also know, that when several people pray for someone, amazing things can happen…

Stress and Anxiety sure do cause havoc in your body…

I have been under a great deal of stress and anxiety recently. My pain has also been severe during this time. The pain I have to live with is pretty intense, but it became a matter of survival while in the grip of stress and anxiety. The worse pain I have ever had to deal with, instead of the horrible pain that I always found ways to survive through.

I stepped back and looked at my life and myself. I saw the tension flowing through my body in response to the stress, worry, anxiety and fear. This tension was wreaking havoc on my body. Electrical charges were flowing from the muscles, tendons and fascia. Zapping out into my bones and all the places that are already inflamed due to my chronic pain. I could see all of this forming from my mind. Like pulses of electricity they formed from my brain and ran through my nervous system, then out to all the areas where pain was already an issue. I was able to see the brains response to anxiety, stress, fear and worry. I also witnessed this electrical craziness calm down once I was able to calm myself down and relax. I started with deep slow breathing and cleared my mind. I relaxed every part of my body from my toes all the way up to my head. I felt the wave of relaxation flow through me and calm the electrical charges being sent through my body. Finally a beautiful feeling of peace was with in me. I did not want to ever leave this feeling. I stayed for a while and basked in the pure calm I was in.

I realized that I could help calm my body down from the extra pain being caused by worry, stress, fear and anxiety. I have not figured out how to stop the chronic pain I have, but easing the extra added pain was a blessing. I for one, am a person that tends to worry over everything and I stress out over the smallest issues. My whole life I have worried in excess. I find myself filled with a beautiful calmness now. I feel the pain I have to live with every day off my life, but during the relaxation my mind was able to separate from it. Now that I am sitting and writing this blog, I do feel all the areas of my pain, yet I do not feel all the extra sharpness I was having to deal with. My body feels very relaxed, but I do feel it tensing in the areas of my chronic pain. So, I figure I need to make myself relax or meditate at least once a day, to remove the extra influences from stress, fear, anger, worry and anxiety. Maybe, down the road, I will be able to ease my chronic pain as well.

Life throws some serious issues at us. For me, not having enough money to pay for things I had to have or had to pay for and forget having food. That right there, sent my body into a mess and every muscle and bone in my body felt the wave of electrical pulses. I spent the entire day yesterday in bed. I even stayed there until it was time for me to go to sleep. Laying down was the least painful of all positions. I had trouble falling asleep because my feet were on fire and crushing into me. The same was happening to my lower back, hips, tailbone and pelvic area. Somehow, I did fall asleep. I know I can thank any sleep I did get, to my sleep medication. When I woke this morning, I decided to look inward and try to see what was going on. Thankfully, I was able to see the issue at hand. I may not have an answer for my problems just yet, but I now know that I can do something about the way my body reacts to the stress and anxiety. That is the best gift I could of ever receive right now. Seeing what was wrong and being able to know how to calm my body, mind and soul. Of course, while in the midst of anxiety, fear or stress, it is impossible to calm yourself down. But if you allow yourself to feel those things and then apply a relaxation technique later, you can calm down the impact placed upon your body, mind and soul………….

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How to Understand Someone With Chronic Pain, re blogged from Fibromodem.com

(Re blogged from Fibromodem.com)

How to Understand Someone With Chronic Pain
By Purple Law Lady 0 comments

In hopeful anticipation of informing YOU, a person who wants to understand: these are some things that can help YOU to understand, and help, people who suffer from often debilitating, chronic pain:
Remember: chronic pain sufferers (CPS) have already attempted numerous alternative therapies and know what therapies have worked or not worked for them.

1. Remember that being sick does not mean that the sufferer is no longer a human being.
A CPS may spend the majority of their day in considerable pain. If YOU visit or live with a CPS, the CPS may be unable to enjoy the things they used to enjoy. The CPS remains aware, and desires to do what they used to perform. The CPS feels as if they are stuck inside a body over which they have little or no control. They still want to enjoy work, family, friends and leisure activities; however, pain keeps that enjoyment out of reach.

2. Learn the code.
A CPS will often speak differently from people free of constant pain. Do not assume the CPS is not experiencing pain when they say that they are fine. The CPS attempts to hide the pain due to lack of understanding in others. Accept that words may be inadequate to describe how the sufferer is feeling. Recall a time when YOU experienced pain, then multiply the intensity and attempt to imagine that pain present twenty-four hours a day, every day, without relief. It’s hard to find the words for that sort of pain.

3. Recognize the difference between “happiness” and “healthy”.
Remember the last time YOU had the flu, YOU probably felt miserable. A CPS has experienced pain from 6 months to many years. Pain has caused them to adopt coping mechanisms that are not necessarily reflecting the real level of pain they feel.
Respect that the person who is in pain is trying their best. When the CPS says they are in pain – they are! They are merely coping; sounding happy and trying to look normal.
Look for signs of pain: grimacing, restlessness, irritability, mood swings, wringing of hands, moaning, sleep disturbance, teeth grinding, poor concentration, decreased activity, and perhaps even writing down suicidal thoughts or language.

4. Listen.
The previous two steps made it clear that a CPS can speak in code or make light of their pain than is the reality. The next best thing that YOU can do is to listen to them properly, and to make it clear that YOU both want to hear what they have to say and that YOU really have heard it. Use YOUr listening skills to decode what they’re hiding or minimizing.

5. Understand and respect the CPS’s physical limitations.
Being able to stand up* for ten minutes doesn’t necessarily mean that the CPS can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour, or give YOU a repeat performance whenever. Just because the person managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn’t imply that they will be able to do the same today. With a lot of diseases, a person may exhibit obvious signs of immobility, such as paralysis, or total immobilization due to weakness, etc. With chronic pain however, it is confusing to both the sufferer and the onlooker, and their ability to cope with movement can be like a yo-yo. The sufferer may not know, from day-to-day, how they are going to feel when they wake up and each day has to be taken as it comes. In many cases, they don’t know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.
* Insert “sitting”, “walking”, “thinking”, “concentrating”, “being sociable” and so on, to this step, as the curtailment on a sufferer’s ability to be responsive applies to everything that you’d expect a person in good health to be able to do. That’s what chronic pain does to its sufferers.

6. Leave your “pep talk” mode for your kids and your gym buddies.
Realizing that chronic pain is variable, keep in mind that a pep talk can be aggravating and demoralizing for the CPS. As already noted, it’s quite possible (and for many, it’s common) that one day they’re able to walk to the park and back, while the next day they’ll have trouble getting to the next room. Therefore, it’s vital that YOU don’t fall into the trap of saying: “But you did it before!” or “Oh, come on, I know you can do this!” If YOU want them to do something, then ask if they can and respect their answer.
Get over the need to give platitudes about the value of exercising and fresh air. For a CPS, “getting out and doing things” does not make the pain vanish and can often exacerbate the problems. Bear in mind that YOU don’t know what they go through or how they suffer in their own private time. Telling them that they need to exercise, or do some things to “get their mind off of it”, may frustrate them to tears, and is not correct advice, especially if YOU’re not medically trained and haven’t got a clue. If they were capable of doing some things any or all of the time, they would.
Remember that CPS are constantly working with doctors and striving to improve and do the right things for their illness. Another statement that hurts is, “you just need to push yourself more, try harder”. Obviously, chronic pain can affect the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain; not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. YOU can’t always read it on their face or in their body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn’t YOU get depressed and down if YOU were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression.

7. Never use throwaway lines.
Assuming YOU know best by making such statements as “Ah well, that’s life, you’ll just have to deal with it”, or “you’ll get over it eventually. Until then, you’ll just have to do your best”, or worst of all, “Well, you look well enough”, etc., are lines that might make YOU feel done and dusted with the topic but they are both a form of distancing yourself from the person and making the sufferer feel worse and out of hope. Psychologist Mark Grant suggests that YOU should throw lifelines rather than throwaway lines.

8. Check your own patience.
If YOU’re impatient and want them to “just get on with it”, YOU risk laying a guilt trip on the person who is suffering from pain and undermining their determination to cope. They probably have the will to comply with your requests to go out and about with them but have neither the strength nor the coping capacity as a result of the pain.
A CPS may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last-minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If YOU are able, please try to always remember how very lucky YOU are, to be physically able to do all of the things that YOU can do.
Be very understanding if the CPS says they have to sit down, lie down, stay in bed, or take these pills right now. It probably means that they have no choice but to do it right now, and it can’t be put off or forgotten just because they happen to be somewhere, or they’re right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

9. Be sensitive when suggesting medicines or alternative treatments.
Prescription drugs, over-the-counter medicines and alternative therapies can have side effects and unintended consequences. Some may not appreciate suggestions, and it’s not because they don’t want to get well. They may have heard of it or tried it already or some may not be ready to cope with new treatment that can create an additional burden on their already over-burdened lives. Treatments that haven’t worked carry the emotional pain of failure, which in and of itself can make the person feel even lower.
On the other hand, never be afraid to ask them about how satisfied they are with their treatment. Mark Grant says that it is important to ask helpful questions about whether the chronic sufferer thinks their treatment is satisfactory or if they think their pain is bearable. He suggests that people rarely ask these open-ended “helpful questions” that would help the CPS to open up and really talk. Of course, if there were something that cured, or even helped people with a particular form of chronic pain, then they should be made aware of it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. Those can be good resources. Be sensitive in how YOU bring it up.

10. Don’t be put off if the CPS seems touchy.
If that’s the appearance, it’s probably because they are. It’s not how they try to be. As a matter of fact, they try very hard to be normal. Just try to understand. They have been going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard to understand unless YOU have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, they do their best to cope with this, and live their lives to the best of their ability. Just accept them as they are.

11. Be helpful.
The CPS depends a great deal on people who are not sick to support them at home or visit them when they’re too sick to go out. Sometimes they need help with shopping, cooking, or cleaning. Others may need help with their kids. They may need help getting to the doctor, or to the store. YOU can be their link to the “normalcy” of life. YOU can help them keep in touch with the parts of life that they miss and desperately want to undertake again.

12. Balance your career responsibilities. If YOU are living with a CPS or supporting such a person on a regular basis, YOU need to maintain balance in your life. If YOU don’t take care of your own needs, health, and work-life balance, being around the CPS can bring YOU down even though YOU’re probably trying hard not to be. Avoid suffering from carer burn-out by getting other people to help, taking time out, and curtailing your guilt trips. Care for this person as much as YOU’re able but also care for YOURSELF.

*** This says it all for me ***

And the Depression continues on…..

de·pres·sion [dih-presh-uhn]
noun
1. the act of depressing.
2. the state of being depressed.
3. a depressed or sunken place or part; an area lower than the surrounding surface.
4. sadness; gloom; dejection.
5. Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. Compare clinical depression.

My journey in the depths of Depression is still on going. Another day that lacked joy, happiness or any positive emotion. Almost as if I was riding along a flat line, for the most part. Just here. Occasionally I find myself dip deeper into the despair and darkness. I have still forced myself to get out of bed today and to do some basic things that needed attending. Though, those things took a great deal of time to accomplish. I also forced myself to crochet to occupy my mind, but found that I was still having trouble focusing, which made me have to recount stitches until I just put it up and was done with it. Sigh…..

Now, I am waiting for bed time to come so I can crawl back under the covers and sleep. Where, in my dreams, I find something other than depression. I keep hoping each day will be the day I wake up and I no longer feel this way. At 8pm, I realized I had not ate the entire day, so I ate an apple, a piece of cheese and some frozen veggies from the freezer. I will force myself to watch the shows my sons girlfriend wants to see and then I will go climb in my bed. Even typing this, I have had to correct so many of my words, that it seems like a great chore to just write this post. With that I bid you all goodnight…..

I cannot seem to remember when…..

I cannot seem to remember when Christmas was enjoyable. I have been thinking about it for some time now and all I can come up with was, back when my children were all still alive and little. That would make the last enjoyable Christmas in 2002! Normally, I would be enjoying setting up the Christmas tree with my grandson, but with the amount of pain I am in, plus the dreaded depression lurking over my head, I just can’t seem to find any joy in this season. I haven’t been able to go out and shop and had to do all of my shopping online, this is due to the chronic pain. The only way we are even able to buy any gifts for Christmas is by putting money away all year into a Christmas fund.

Back before my chronic pain set in, I would bake different cookies through out the month of December. I would place some from every batch for my good neighbor friend and my family would munch on these cookie while joy glittered in their eyes. I would play Christmas music while baking or decorating for Christmas. I so loved wrapping presents, that we the best part of Christmas for me.

So where did it all go? Well, dealing with pain non stop, which is getting worse as each year goes by, sure has put a damper on the festivities for me. Not having enough money to buy the items needed to bake, let alone meals every day. Plus in order for me to bake, I have to sit in a chair, which I don’t usually mind doing. I don’t know if it is due to this deep dark cloud of depression that has been pressing down upon me or if it is a combination of all the things I have had to endure over the last few years. Going from making $1,000+ a week and being physically able to bake the entire day away….. To having to survive on $785 a month and deal with pain that just will not end. My son died in 2003, that was the very first Christmas that was not joyful for me. Come to think of it, none of them have been joyful for me since he departed. Then just three years later my husband decided drugs and woman are what he wanted and he left his family. Loosing my dream home, where I stated that I Would Be Buried, Because I Was NEVER leaving! Having to move back to Georgia where the people are so rude and disrespectful.

I want to make this depression go away. I have allowed my body to command what I do. In the past, depression would go away sooner when I allowed myself to do what my body wanted me to do. Like, go take a nap, etc. I have even forced myself to crochet so I had something occupying my mind. Nothing is working….. I see my psychiatric doctor on Tuesday for my meds check, I will see what they want to do about it then. I doubt any medication is really going to help me with this one. I am already on many meds and at decent levels. Where is joy? Where is happiness? Why does everything that anyone says or does, drive me nuts? I am irritable and even just hearing someone say a simple statement brings up an anger or annoyance within me. I just want to be away from everyone, because they are all driving me insane. I keep ding out in my bathroom, but they all come knocking on the door!

I am so tired, exhausted beyond words. Yet, I cannot go to sleep until hours after I take my insomnia medications. When I do fall asleep, I am sleeping a good 10-11 hours. I wake feeling like I never slept……

So, tomorrow we are decorating the Christmas tree. I want it to be fun for my grandson. I want to be able to hide how depressed I am from him and not ruin his fun with the season. I don’t want to put up the Christmas village, but I will force myself to do it for him! I need prayers…. Prayers for joy to fill my heart and for laughter to find my lips…………….

Fibromyalgia and the Spoon Analogy…

I like the analogy reference with Fibromyalgia. Where you use spoons to represent your energy/task doing levels. Say you started the day out with six spoons and each one was related to getting something done or even just taking a shower. Depending on your pain levels and your level of exhaustion, it may take one spoon to take a shower or it could require three spoons. I think this is a very good reference, to how someone that lives with chronic pain, can not only explain it to others, but plan their own day by listing what you want to accomplish and how many spoons you feel that task will require.

For instance, today I felt I had six spoons, so I had to decide what I was going to accomplish with what I had available to me. When I walked out the back door, I noticed my covered back porch was very wet with way too many leaves 🍂, that were being tracked into the house, along with muddy shoe and paw prints 🐾. It had rained ☔️ for the last two days and I can’t even remember when I last saw the sun ☀️. I felt, the best choice for me, was to tackle blowing off the porch and walkways so it would cut down on the leaves and mud that was being brought into the house. I figured that task would require three spoons. But first, I threw in a load of laundry and applied one spoon to that. Though I forgot how much it takes out of me just to do one load of laundry when you have a three year old bouncing around yelling, “I want to help!” Which he did help me and that required a much longer time frame to complete that task, along with the spazziness (is that even a word?) of him bouncing around and throwing pieces of clothing toward the washer. 😒 So in hind sight, I should of allotted two spoons to that task. I then set out on my way to blowing off the back porch and walkways leading up to the back porch. I still had four spoons so I assumed I would complete this task and still have one spoon left for something else. First I had to dig out the extension cord and it was in a container with two other extension cords that seemed to have knotted themselves together. How does that even happen? You place three cords in a container and they magically awaken and dance together? 🙀 Ugh, so there went another spoon! I finally unknotted the cords and plugged in the blower 🔌. For some reason I had a very difficult time turning it on, though I finally made it to that step. Then I proceeded to blow off the back covered porch and when I came to the area just off the porch, there was a mountain of leaves, debris and mud wrapping itself around the air conditioning unit . Since the weather was so nice in the 70’s and I knew from checking the weather channel that the next two days were going to be in the 80’s, I felt I needed to make sure that area was free from debris just in case I needed to turn the air conditioner on again. 😳 Can you say, “OMG!?!” This proved to be a chore in of itself. I spent a solid 20 minutes just trying to blow all of this mess away from the unit. There goes another spoon right there! 😨 So now I am already at four spoons, which leaves me with two spoons left. Ugh! I then, proceed to blow of the walkway from the porch toward the side gate. Feeling completely exhausted at this time, I made myself take a break. 🙍 I drank a bottle of filtered water from my Brita container and sat for several minutes. Now, I know from past experiences, that if I sit to long I will not finish the task at hand. So, I got up and pushed onward and blow the driveway area on the other side of the porch to the gate. The amount of leaves was just insane! 😖 When I finally finished, my pain was through the roof and I could barely walk. Now I have no spoons left, because that task took everything I had and then some. I want to go to bed and I may very well have to do that. I took my medication as scheduled plus a muscle relaxer, Aleve Liquid gels and an Ativan. My nerves are frazzled to say the least. 😰 Well, that chore is done and there will NoT be anything else I could possibly do today. Forget a shower 🚿, because that normally takes a spoon and now it would require two spoons, but I do not have any spoons left! 😿

It’s kind of funny, not really, how we assume that a task will take one spoon, but then during the task we realize it took more than we anticipated. Every single thing that happens, causes us to use up another spoon. Some things you have no control over and no way of knowing that it will occur. There is a pile of dishes stacked on to the kitchen counter, because my son just cannot seem to clean up the kitchen, but thinks he does when he stacks all the plates, bowls and cups! I can say how much it annoys me to see that mess, but I can also say that I know there is, no way possible, I can tackle that task today. So, they will sit there until tomorrow, like they have sat there since yesterday. Clutter drives me nuts. My kitchen is small so any amount of dishes looks and feels like a giant chaotic mess to me. Though now, living with this severely disabling chronic pain, I know that there are things I just cannot do. Especially when I have already used all my spoons for the day. Unfortunately, as I know from past experiences, I will most likely not have another six spoons tomorrow. After a day like today, I will have two or quite possibly none! It’s the price I pay when I go too far on a task…