Life Continues On…

I survived Christmas. I have to say, my grandson is really the only reason I even put up a tree. He has so many emotional issues, yet he does have spells everyday where he is kind and sweet. He tends to destroy things though. It seems to take him a very long time to learn or understand things. He is in speech therapy, but I still have trouble understanding some things he says.

My son thinks that my wanting to go to my parents for two weeks to relax is just me running away from things. I cannot seem to get him to understand that I really need the peace and quiet and I am still recovering from the surgeries and all the emotional crap I have gone through. He refuses to watch my grandson while my daughter is at work so I can go to my parents. I was just going to leave anyway, but I don’t want my daughter to end up loosing her job because of my son again.

I cannot wait to take down all the Christmas stuff and put it back up in the attic. This year never once felt like Christmas and I did not even bake cookies. I am more than ready for the New Year, because it has to be better than this one!

I have decided to stop looking for any man. They always bring disappointment. I like being just me. I only miss having a man when I am horny or wanting to cuddle…LoL! Besides, everyone I have talked to or met is the same, they lie and pretend to be what you are looking for yet they are not! They say you should take a year after a break up to be comfortable with just you and that is what I am doing. I am comfortable with just me. I don’t have to worry about what someone else is thinking or try to look my very best for them. Everything I do now is completely for me!!! I want to get out and do things and I miss having friends near me too. I do have my family that I can do things with. When I finally heal enough not to be so darn tired every day, I can get back to playing games with the kids as well.

I did pretty good yesterday. I baked the cake my daughter in law wanted for her birthday, which actually took two days to make. A red velvet cake stuffed in the middle with a cheesecake. It was heavenly to say the least! I always bake what ever they want for their birthdays. I did not have the exhaustion hit me until 6pm, which is better than the few days prior where it was hitting me by 3pm. On the days I don’t have to watch my grandson I lay down and take a nap. Which usually lasts for two hours. Then I still go to bed by 10 or 11pm.

I have a new phone number so none of the unwanted messages from my ex or others will be bothering me. I have a phone I really like too. It is like a small portable IPad. I have all the APPs on there that I use on the iPad. I need to take the time to try and recover my crashed computer. My daughter doesn’t read things and just clicks ok and always ends up causing the computer to crash. Hopefully, I will be able to fix it and not have to send it to my father again.

I am doing my very best to recite affirmations daily and I have noticed that it does help. I am trying to notice when I have negative thoughts and replace them with something positive. When all else fails, I look in the mirror and smile, that always helps. You should try it! I am hoping to put some of my homemade natural recipes on here soon for everyone. I am wishing you all a very peaceful and happy new year………….

I project love to everyone I meet
I attract loving people and relationships into my life
I know my wisdom guides me to the right decision
I am a radiant being filled with light and love
I am open to receiving love
I breathe in universal love
I radiate love to all persons, places and things
As I give love, I am instantly supplied with more
I express love freely
I compare myself only to my highest self
I trust myself
I creat my reality
I give and receive love easily and joyfully
Love radiates from me at all times
I love myself completely
I bathe in unconditional love
I express love to all those I meet
People are just waiting to love me and I allow them
I am radiating love

It has Been very Difficult for Me…

I really should of been writing this whole time. I feel ever so alone. Struggling with emotions and fears. Finding myself crying out of the blue!

I have dated some men, but I always find a reason to not be with them. Seems like every single one is a liar anyway. They deceive you with their lies and reel you in, then in a matter of a week or two you can see their true selves coming out and it is nothing they pretended to be! I really do believe it is impossible to find a man that fits what I need anymore. What I have to have is: Honesty, Communication, Loyalty and Romance. If I can’t have that, then I would rather be alone!

No more shall I put up with crap just to not be alone, I finally found that place where I won’t settle for anything less. I am pretty sure it is from my last husband and how horrible he was. Constantly lied! My mind runs all the time and won’t let me sleep, while all day I feel like I am going to fall asleep. I know what I want, I just don’t know where I would find a man like that. I have tried online dating sites and I don’t go out to clubs or anything to meet men.

The online world is a joke! The men are all liars or they are looking just for sex or both. Casual sex has NEVER done a thing for me! I like having a connection with someone then having sex. I always had hoped I would be with one man until the day I died. I am fine with not having a man in my life, I just wish I could have sex….lol! For me that requires a man in my life. I do know I discovered I hate sleeping in the bed with someone else.

I have been doing my best to pray to GOD and turn it all over to GOD. I guess I don’t know how to let it all go! My temper is very short anymore. Things get on my nerves fast. I need peace and quiet or I feel horrible. That doesn’t work out so well when I have a grandson with serious emotional issues that I have to babysit often. I keep saying, “GOD will bring to me what I need and when it is the right time!” Now if I could just believe that all the time………….

Current photo of me…