The three weeks I spent in the perfect Peace at my parents house was very nice. I did not once have a horrible splitting headache and my pain levels where much better for the most part. I know, for a fact, that stress contributes a lot towards the level of my pain. I felt care free and I had zero stress while I was there, except for when my son informed me of the things my daughter was doing. I also, meditated every single day. I did not worry about how I was going to obtain things I needed or if my kids were going to take care of something. I also went to the gym with my mom once a week while I was there. I saw how much going to the gym helped me physically and mentally. Even though I could not do a whole lot, it still benefited me in many ways.
I was home for three days before the stress and worry had its grips on me again. Last night I had one of the worst headaches I have ever had in my life. It ruined my time out with a great person. I have NO life here. My life is this…. Get up, wait to feel good enough to function, do my chores, watch my grandson and go to bed. Just trying to fit in dating seems near impossible, because I have to watch my grandson while my daughter works and she has to use my vehicle. She thinks the entire world revolves around her. I told her I do not have a life and she said, “Yes you do!” I raised my kids, this is supposed to be my time, to actually have a life I want, not dng for everyone else. I woke in a great mood the last two days and my daughter single handedly ruined them. When she wakes up, she starts yelling and cussing. Sounds horrible. The stress instantly rips through my entire being. She says crap that is just not right! I also have not had the time to meditate. I have to change this!
I joined the gym near here. I MUST make sure I get to the gym and meditate. The gym offers massage and tanning so I can sneak in meditation there too. The only draw back is that my ex goes to that gym, so I am hoping I go when he doesn’t. I don’t care if he is there, but he has to have a fit about stupid things. My plan is to go three times a week. Work out, do the massage and then lay in the tanning bed. I want my entire body tan and it is just not safe to lay out here naked…lol!
I have met a couple of Guys and went on a few dates. One of them I do like and will see more of. It is funny how when Spring hits there are a lot of guys interested. I just want a decent boyfriend to do things with and know I have another half. I do not want him to live with me! I really wish my friend from high school lived here, he is perfect for me! I guess I need to just focus on me… Meaning, I need to go to the gym and meditate and not worry about having a boyfriend or anything else. I really don’t have the time for it.
I need to build my own life. I also need to delegate chores to the others in this house. It is time for spring cleaning. I should not be the only one doing everything! I know when I was away from here, I felt at peace. Now I spend too much time wanting to leave and find my peace again………….