I have been struggling with increased pain recently. Living here with the negativity and daily stress does affect how I feel. I am counting down the days to when I leave to visit family up north for five weeks. My daughter wakes and every single day she immediately begins yelling at her son. I have repeatedly told her that I cannot take that anymore, yet she still does it. They all seem to think they should be rewarded for when they actually do something around here, yet I am supposed to treat them like adults, as if we are all just roommates. I am strongly considering moving up north. I feel so much better out of this environment, instead of feeling good until someone wakes up and starts yelling. This feels like the life is being sucked out of me!
I have never had my own life. I became pregnant and then married at the age of 16 and I have been married three times. Always went from one husband right to the next one. This time I have stopped that and I have stayed single. I tried dating, but found all of the men to be of great disappointment. So instead, I have been working on myself and I go to the gym three times a week. I am ready for my own life now. I deserve my own life. I have raised my kids and taken care of everyone else ever since I was 16 years old. I am now 45 years old.
I do not want to loose my house here, in order to keep it I have to pay the mortgage, that leaves me with little money to take care of myself though. That is what has been stopping me from just leaving. Plus, my grandson needs a stable home.
Our minds are very powerful. What ever you choose to do, you can master! It is much easier to accomplish when you are in an environment of peace though. When I took three weeks and went to my parents house, I was in peace and I saw the stress melt off my face! I began to feel very good about myself as well. That is the key to our own happiness, our environment!
I do believe I am going to have a difficult time coming back home from my trip up north. Maybe that will finally be the push that makes me choose myself for once!
Pictures of me now…