Coping with Chronic Pain

I read an article today on and I wanted to share it with you!

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Readers Tips for Coping with chronic pain, found on Beliefnet:

I try to surround myself with people who are enthusiastic and upbeat to combat any depression that may try to set in. Also, I have lost a lot of weight so that I don’t have the extra weight to carry around.

Journal writing is so therapeutic, I write until my hands hurt from typing so much. I’ve also found that there is no shame in asking for help. At one time I thought I knew everything, could fix anything, no problem. But then I let my pain dictate my days, weeks, and every waking moment. I will not live like that anymore; I don’t have to.

Research your pain and refuse to take less than the truth from your caregivers and doctors. Don’t ever just take someone’s word for what is going on inside of you. Be your own best medical advocate by being armed with the most up-to-date treatments and medications available for your condition, and then seek to show others a way to live even if you feel like you are dying.

Cherries, whether sweet cherries, pie cherries, dried cherries, or juice, will help lower your pain and boost your mobility. I was amazed at how much it helped.

I guess it’s a matter of just accepting my situation and being grateful for the meds, as well as all the other blessings that the Lord has so graciously given me.

Please think about finding a good acupuncturist, therapist, acupressure practitioner, or trying something new to help you get better. We cannot do it by ourselves, we must be open to new ways of healing, something that will work if given enough time.

I have learned that taking care of myself first is of utmost importance. Long, hot baths are becoming my best friends as they relax me and take out some of the hurt for awhile.

We all must find something we want to live for, strive for, and when you are sick those thoughts are easy to toss aside, Prayer and perseverance must prevail. Maintaining a sense of humor is also helpful, don’t you think?
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I know I am always looking for things to try in the hopes that it will help me with my chronic pain and depression. What have you found to be beneficial to your pain or depression?

I almost forgot again about what I am Thankful for!
Today I am Thankful that my parents have come for a short visit. I miss them so much. It’s wonderful to see them even if it is just for a couple of hours!

Focus on being Thankful, less self pity…

I am focusing on being thankful for what I do have, and I hope to do this daily along with my blogging of my life. When you live in a constant state of pain, it becomes difficult to focus on being thankful and the depression is always there, trying to bring you down. I do Know that focusing on positive things and occupying my mind DOES help. However, the days that the depression has me by its tight grip, it becomes very difficult to think of positive things or of things to occupy my mind. Does this sound familiar to you?

Self Pity:
Yesterday I struggled, yet again, to get through the day. The hard pain in the ball of my foot area, on both feet, just will not let up. Every step I take feels like a deep bruise being poked hard. As the day goes on, the pain gets worse. The more I get up on my feet, the worse it becomes. I can’t stand just sitting or laying around, I focus on the pain too much. Everything I do requires me, to at the very least, walk from room to room! The wheel chair I have been in twice before, does not fit through my bedroom door. Luckily, I am not to the point I cannot walk at all yet. I just have been thinking about how hard it was in the past. I don’t want to be there. I want things to keep my mind busy and also keep me off my feet. The pain is in between the phalanges (toes) and the metatarsals, which is the next set of long bones after the toes. When I do walk, I am also aggravating my hips and back pain, due to walking more on my heels for less pain. Of course, I have been bringing this all to the attention of the PA at my doctor visits and he just doesn’t seem to care. Which is why I demanded my return visit to be with the actual doctor! A year ago my toes on my left foot went numb, still are numb! Then about six month ago the toes on my right foot joined in and went numb as well, still are! Then 2 of my toes on my left foot split apart from each other, like something is pulling them away from each other. This is now happening on my right foot! Through the last 3-4 years of all the neck, hip, tailbone and low back pain with sometimes the pain going down my left leg, I had never had pain in my feet. Out of no where this pain hit me last week. For two days I cried. I found that the more I stay off my feet the less the pain is and propping them up is even better. The medications I take that help take the edge off my other pain and ease my leg cramps, just do not seem to touch this pain in my feet. Halloween is in 4 days and there is a lot up be done to set up the scary walk for the kids that go trick or treating! I have to be the supervisor now and bark out the orders of what needs to be done and how. It is so much easier when I can do it myself!

Which brings me now to focusing on things I am Thankful for! Let us all try to list at least ONE thing per day that we are Thankful for I am going to try to do Three per day…
I am Thankful for the help I receive in caring for my grandson, so I can lay down or nap when needed!
I am Thankful for the internet, which keeps me connected to others and my family!
I am Thankful that I was able to spend 16 1/2 years with my oldest son before he left this Earth!

I have been nominated twice for the Liebster Award!


I was nominated for the Liebster Award two times by:
The Never Ending Headache
Migraine Discussions
Thank you both so very much! You both have brought a smile to my face in a time where smiles seemed to have disappeared!

Info About the “Liebster Award”

The Liebster Award, or “the favorite blog award”, is an internet-based award that is given to bloggers by other bloggers. In Germany, the word “liebster” has the same meaning as “favorite, beloved, or dearest.” This award is primarily given to blogs that have less than 200 followers. That way, it helps the blogger with being more known to the world as well as giving the blogger the opportunity to learn about more amazing bloggers.

My Ten Questions & Answers from The Never Ending Headache:
1. What motivated you to start writing a blog?
I wanted to share what I go through and offer things that work for me. Maybe being able to help someone else in the process!

2. What’s your favourite book?
An entire series by Patti Larsen

3. What’s your favourite month of the year and why?
October, because the weather is perfect here and I love to set up a haunted walk for the kids to go through.

4. Who do you admire in today’s world?
I admire many people that I have seen push themselves through so many ordeals and suffering and still are able to be positive!

5. Were you ever told that you could not achieve a certain goal and did it anyway?
No, but I do regret not pushing myself to go after the career I had wanted. My mother talked me out of it!

6. What’s a future goal you would like to achieve?
To achieve total peace and the ability to remain positive in all situations!

7. Who do you hope to be an inspiration to?
I want to inspire others facing the same I am on!

8. Other than blogging what are your other hobbies?
I love to craft. From beading and crochet to sewing and everything in between! That is how I occupy my mind away from the pain and also feel like if have accomplished something.

9. If you could travel anywhere where would you go?
I would go to the spirit realm and see my son!

10. What’s your favourite meal?
I Love my homemade Lasagna!

My 10 Questions & Answers from Migraine Discussions:

1. If you could meet anyone alive today
who would it be?
Clause from the TV show ‘Originals’

2. If you weren’t writing about your current topic, what would be your next choice?
My current topic is my life, hopefully it will be a better life to write about one day!

3. What’s band or group have you been listening to lately?
I do not listen to much music, but I do like Adelle!

4. Do you like movies? If so name a favorite actor.
Jim Carrey

5. How many languages can you speak?
Just English.

6. When feeling quite sick do you dress up or go in sweatpants to the doctor?
I always dress in the most comfortable way, usually sweatpants!

7. Do you smoke marijuana, if so medicinally or recreationally? (Don’t answer this one if you dont’ want to.)
No I do not smoke Marijuana!

8. What kinds of mobile devices do you use every day?

9. What home products have helped you find some pain relief?
Bio freeze, epsom salt baths and listening to your body when it tells you to go to bed!

10. Who’s your hero?
I don’t have a Hero at this time.

My 10 Nominees are:

Dearest Depression

6 Of One…

A Heal Panic Diary

Accepting Awesome



Anxious Amy’s Assessments

A Sober Head Full of Confusion

How Are You? …Good

The Sound Madness Makes

Now that you are nominated, here are the 5 steps to accepting your award:
1. Link back to the person that nominated you to recognize them.
2. Answer the ten questions I have asked of you.
3. Nominate 10 other Bloggers
4. Create ten questions for your nominees
5. Notify your Nominees!

My Nominees Ten Questions are:

1. What is the most challenging thing in your life right now?

2. What made you decide to write your Blog?

3. Do you feel like your Doctor listens to you?

4. If Time and Money were no object (you have plenty) what would you be doing differently?

5. Do you believe that Everything Happens for a Reason?

6. Who is most helpful to you in your current life?

7. Who is your favorite author?

8. If you could see anyone (dead or alive) who would you go see right now?

9. Do you have a favorite quote? If so, what is it?

10. What is the Most Important thing in your life right now?

I have notified my Nominees!

I have found some relief!!!

I had called my doctors office yesterday and they finally called me back this afternoon around 3:30pm. Thankfully, they decided to change my muscle relaxer since it was not working and I was cramped up in crushing pain all through my legs and feet. The new medication is twice a day and I was finally able to take it at 8:30 pm tonight. After an hour I noticed my legs were no longer wrenched up, but my feet are still a problem. The more I have to be up on them, the worse it is. I will take what I can get in the form of some relief. I was feeling that I should of just stayed in bed today, because every minute I was up, I was in more and more pain. I didn’t even get up until the doctor called me as it was.i am hoping after a few days on this medication I will find more and more relief!

I have been thinking a lot about my emotional break yesterday. I can not believe how immature I acted. Just like a little kid. I know it is part of BPD, but to have allowed myself to go that far off my rocker is startling! I know that when I have so much pain that I cannot catch a break from, my emotions go crazy quickly. I really felt like I did not matter at all to my family. Meaning my siblings and parents. I still feel like my mother is avoiding me though. My brother is a jerk, I was there for him and he is never there for me. My two sisters were, finally, there for me in email and one helped me out with food. It sucks not living near any of them, I feel so alone most of the time. I often think of what would go through their minds if I ever killed myself. Would they wished they were there for me then? Would they wished they did more to help me? I feel like I am out of sight, so I am out of mind!

I want nothing more than to just be positive and not allow other people to negativity effect me. That is so HARD to do. I stay away from people so I do not get effected by them too often. I have one neighbor that is loud and obnoxious and I tend to get annoyed with them, but other than that it is my family that I have issues with. The negativity that some of the people in this house cause and the negativity that my mind causes when thinking about my parents and siblings and how they do not put forth any effort to keep in touch with me. Having panic and anxiety disorders made me learn, real quick, to stay away from people. I have less panic this way, but I get very lonely at times too. People, where I live, pretty much all suck. They are rude, obnoxious and loud! Most of them are ignorant and do not care about bothering others. Too many of them are on drugs too. When I have tried to make a new friend, every time they have ended up being on drugs. Even going to the store is a chore, as many places here are filled with these sorts of people. I have lived many places and I can say that this is the only place that, in general, the people totally suck! I lived in the quiet farming area of Southern, IL and I miss it very much. No noise or rude neighbors. No long lines at the store, pharmacy or post office. I wish I never had to leave there! So, how do we bring ourselves back up to the positive plane when we have back peddled so far in reverse? Well, each day is a new opportunity to smile and think positive. So I am going to start right now by being thankful for the things I do have. I have a nice home and I am thankful! I have an adorable grandson named after my deceased son and I am thankful! I have a comfortable bed to sleep in and I am thankful! I have cute and fluffy fur babies and I am thankful! I have a washer, dryer, dishwasher, heat and A/C and I am thankful! I have had to live without all of those things before and it royally sucked! What are you thankful for?

My BPD Mind…

I am still struggling with the added pain in my feet and legs, to what I already had to deal with daily in my hips, low back, neck and tailbone. Nothing seems to touch this pain. No break or reduction can seem to be found. This must have pushed me over the edge with my Borderline Personality Disorder! I found myself balling my eyes out, but I knew it was not just from the pain. It had a deep emotional connection to it as well. Then the negative thoughts flowed in my mind so quickly. “Your family doesn’t care about you! Not one of them has responded to the emails you sent out days ago! Your mother promised to keep her computer with her on her trip and you haven’t heard from her in a week! No one cares about you! Your just a worthless burden upon their shoulders!” At this point I am becoming extremely angry. Then there is more talk going on, “if they could just spend one day feeling the pain, I feel, I bet they would look at me differently! Why is it that none of them (my siblings) have had to loose a child or have a child with a severe health disorder or gone through a fraction of what I have to go through with the pain and life events?” Now I am really upset and I send out emails to each one of them. How hard things are for me, how bad I hurt and how I don’t feel like they care. Hours later I received one response from my brother. He basically said; sorry for you, but I can’t pay my bills either and I do live you. Yes, he wrote live instead of love. I responded with a message that stated how I would of loved some emotional support and that maybe if he felt the pain I live with, then maybe he would be more emotionally available for me!

It’s been a few hours now and I am no longer angry or irate, but I realized I lost it earlier. I really lost it! I was a basket case and felt hugely sorry for myself! I am disappointed that since I live far away from my entire family, I seem to be forgotten. It would be completely different if I was there! I am in a bind and I don’t know how to get out of it. It’s one thing to not have food for myself, but I have to make sure the others have food. I have to find a way and I have no clue how I can do it. I have been sinking down a hole and the depression has been getting stronger and deeper. I do not want to get out of bed for two reasons. Emotionally I don’t feel like getting up and my pain makes it horrible to get up and move around. Yet every day I force myself to get up and get moving, even though it takes a solid two hours to just get from my room to the living room. And now, I do not know why I need to push myself anymore. The pain is getting worse, the doctors won’t listen and the depression is closing in. So, I am not going to push myself anymore. My family is not here for me even for emotional support. Though I have always been there for them! There is no point in pushing myself any longer. Maybe I just need to sleep for a few days…

I just want it all to end…

I am in so much pain that it takes every ounce within me and every single medication I have to just get through a single day…
Dealing for over three years of constant pain with the levels running from a minimum of a 6 up to the highest of total hell at a 10. Six would be after a lot of rest and an arsenal of medications, that will last for two to three hours. When you cannot get down to a number that allows you to do things to occupy your mind, you become severely depressed. The pain eats away at you and your life becomes pure hell. The light can no longer be seen at the end of the tunnel. Darkness surrounds you and you are completely alone!

No position is comfortable. No place to go to hide from the torturous pain that has consumed you. You cannot sleep, or eat or even find one little thing that will bring a smile to your face… I know the importance of keeping your mind busy. So you can move your focus away from the pain. Being able to work on crafts or anything that will occupy your mind is key in survival for anyone who suffers daily in the hands of chronic pain! One thing is for sure, it costs money. And money I do NOT have. Not only that, but when the pain stays consistently at such a high level it drags you down the depression tunnel. It is next to impossible to even think, let alone, of something that will occupy my mind. Here I am, lack of sleep and unable to think or do much of anything. Fearing the inevitable, which is being in a wheelchair again. Wishing something would lessen the pain and that you would find some money so you could go to the store and get something to work on. All creativity has vanished, now unable to even think of one single thing that I could do to keep my mind busy. Pain is hell, it is pure torture. It takes everything away from you! Being positive is a must in dealing with chronic pain, but yet, it is impossible when the pain is just too high and for too long. Now the only thoughts you have are dark and depressing. You just want the hell to stop, once and for all! Suddenly, all hope has left you and there is no one there to tell you it is ok. Try telling yourself it is ok when the pain has consumed all the light you were ever able to find.

I miss my family so much. To be able to see them on the weekends and hang out. To have my sister always there for me. Now I am just here, very far away from my sister and brother and nieces & nephews. I have missed them all these years, but when the darkness consumes you, you can’t seem to stop feeling so lonely and in desperate need of my family!

It is 3 AM and I am unable to sleep!

I just cannot seem to find sleep, even with all the medications that should put me to sleep! Both of my feet have been getting worse in the pain department. At the balls of both my feet I have a crushing and throbbing pain. My three middle toes on both feet are numb and have been for a year. It seems like every Fall the pain spreads. I feel very tired, yet the pain will not allow me to go to sleep. I just saw my Pain Management Doctor on Thursday, well his PA anyway. I am tired of always seeing the PA and I demanded my next appointment to be with the actual doctor. The PA just keeps trying me on every type of medication possible in the category of seizure medicine. I can’t take the stuff! Only one helped with my actual pain and that one made me gain weight and swell so I was taken off of it. The PA decides to put me back on it, but at a low dose. SMH! I cannot even fill the prescription because it is not covered and I cannot afford to pay for it! I ask every single time about other treatment options, since they said two years ago that there were many to try, but they only did a dozen epidural steroid injections until I said, “No More!” They did not help! The anti seizure meds make me feel really stupid and they do nothing for the pain. A few have made me severely depressed. I pointed out my feet and how I have a space gaping between the two center toes now. He just barely looks at it and then goes on the path of the seizure meds again. I am calling on Monday if this continues. By then I will be completely miserable with no sleep and so much constant pain, that I am sure to be a joy to speak with. It has become very hard to just walk from one room to another!

Why, do we have to suffer so much, while drug addicts find ways to get all kinds of medication that are meant for us, the ones in real pain? My muscle relaxer doesn’t do much for me anymore, I have been on it for over a year. I think the dose is now too low. I get so tired of waiting for ever to see the doctor, then being pushed in and out like I am nothing! I have had severe pain for four years, three of them being constant! Finding a doctor that is worth a damn is next to impossible here. This is my second pain management doctor, since back in the beginning I went to a complete jerk who liked to torture me. My general doctor sent me to this doctor after hearing what the other doctor did. There are two pain centers here. With my insurance, it tends to be very hard to find a doctor who really cares or takes his time with you. What do we have to do in order to get it through their heads? If we could touch them and let them actually feel the pain we live with, I bet they would change their attitude and treatment of us!

Sorry for the rant… This is what happens when you cannot find any break from the pain your in, then it starts effecting your sleep, the one thing that allowed you a break from your pain!