“Don’t fight fearful thoughts. Just match each one with
an alternative thought that brings you more peace.”
~Daily Coach Tip, Martha Beck
Yesterday started out a good day, then in the afternoon, I discovered that the cat litter box had not been scooped in several days. This is the easiest chore in the house and the person who was responsible for that chore once a day was too lazy to do it. It was so bad that I had to completely dump it all, scrub the box and scrape up money to buy litter for it. Just another reminder of how utterly lazy the people in this house are! One of the cats decided to let me know about the litter box by peeing on my bed twice. I did tell the individual with that chore just how lazy they are. You have one chore and you can’t do it!?! Life is way too easy for these people. I would hate to see if they had their own place, it would be a nasty pig sty. What do I need to do in order to knock some sense into their heads?
Aside from that, I had a good morning and then a stressed out and irritated night. The past few days I have had pretty good mornings. Mentally, the mornings have been very nice. Though, it is usually torn away from me due to the other people in this house. I have spent my life not wanting to be alone, when everything keeps pointing to being alone is the only peace I will ever get. I have found the following three things to be a huge issue in my life. I know these are the areas I need to focus my attention on.
ABANDONMENT: As a baby, I would scream if I could not see my mother. Like I was born with abandonment issues. I believe this must be an important thing for me to over come. I have never actually been alone. Married three times and had three kids. Not once was I ever alone. Married the first time at age 16 and lived with my parents. When I did move out I had a four month old baby and a husband. The short spell of not being with a man between each marriage, was actually very short. A couple of weeks to a month at tops and I still had my children. I do not like the idea of being completely alone, but I never allowed myself to enjoy being alone. I do believe this is something I must over come in this lifetime!
WORRY/STRESS: We often fear or worry about things that are not even happening. So much of my life has been lost to that kind of worry. It has not even happened and yet I will be worrying about the possibility of it all. Somehow, I have always found a way to make ends meet, yet I spend way too much time worrying and stressing over the possible outcomes. I was also born a worry wart! Even as a child I worried about things. My son is also this way, yet I do believe he is even worse than I have ever been. So, worrying about things that have not even occurred is another thing I am positive I need to work on.
CONTROL: This is another area I need to let go of. I have always tried to control things or situations. This causes a lot of emotional crap. We cannot control anyone but ourselves. Even thinking we can is damaging to ourselves. Believe me, I spent many years trying to control a spouse, children and even when I used the bathroom. I tried to have control over something, anything! The fact is, we only have control with ourself. When we find out that we are powerless over anyone or anything aside from ourself, we can allow ourselves to give up the need for control. Just by being consciously aware that it is impossible to control them. Everyone has their own free will. We have to find what makes us happy and know that another person is not the key to happiness.
If I had only spent all those years working on myself, instead of worrying about others or trying to control them, I would be in a much better place right now. I am determined to work through these issues and come out the other side a much happier being for it………….