Working through the fears….

I am doing all I can to work through the fears of this up and coming open abdominal surgery. It is the pain that worries me. I am glad I will have an epidural for the first two days. I have read a lot of stories from people who had open abdominal surgery and they all say the first two days are the worst. I am hoping when they remove the epidural they are smart enough to figure out what I need to take to cover the pain. I see my pain doctor today and I am asking him what he suggests!

My belly has been swollen and I have a lot of pressure there. I don’t feel good at all. A part of me wishes they would just take it all out now and fix the problems. Another week of wearing depends and waking every hour to being soaked. I have not slept a full night since the radical hysterectomy onJune 30th. I did sleep a lot with naps the first week I was home though. I can also now feel the five incision areas they went through. They are very tender and bruised feeling and they did not bother me before, so it must be all the pressure from the leak in my ureter that is flowing into my abdomen then out the hole in my vaginal cuff. I am on a sulfur antibiotic now, which I have to take Pepcid because it messes my tummy up and a steroid to reduce the inflammation before surgery. I am still waiting for the Pre-op nurse to call and tell me when to come in this week. She is always behind and calls at the last minute. I very much dislike that!

Each night I sleep 1-2 hours, then have to get up and change, then go back to bed for 2-3 hours, then I am up for a while and change. I usually try to lay back done after I am up a few hours and sometimes I will sleep another hour, but usually I just lay there and then I tend to flood the depends out in that time as well. It flows out of me a lot when I stand up and when I am laying down. I will be glad when I don’t have to wear them anymore. It will be a month of having to wear them by the time I have the surgery. My surgery is scheduled on the day that would of been my 6 week post op appointment to be released if I had not had complications!

I just want to get through this and heal and be done with it all. I pray this is going to fix everything and when I am healed I will have no more of the pain I had before the surgery or the extra pain caused by the surgery! Please pray for me………….

Even More B.S….

I went to see my doctor today at 10:00am. I had double checked when they called me earlier in the week and changed my appointment to today that is was today and at 10:00 and at the cancer center. Yes, they told me!

I arrived ten minutes early, at check in they can’t find me anywhere, even though I have been there several times, then discover I am not scheduled there. So I told her repeatedly about the girl calling me and changing my day and time. I had to sit for 30 minutes while a nurse tried to figure out what was going on. She tells me she can’t figure out who called me, but I am to go to my doctors other office at Augusta Oncology Associates (AOA).

So we drive over there and I sit for a half hour, then get called back, sit another half hour and have a intern taking my info that they have already taken every time I have ever been there, sit for another 20 minutes then get told to undress for a vaginal exam, sit for another 20 minutes waiting on the doctor to come in. I have the doctor, his 2nd in charge doctor and the intern all looking up my vagina. I told them they were going to have to start buying me dinner since they all crowd around and peer into my darkness. No laughs with that either! I notice the look on his 2nds face and heard her say to the doctor, is that _____________. He does an internal finger exam and I notice he feels something and says yes. I asked what it was but he refused to tell me until I was dressed and he came back in. So there I waited another half hour for him to come back in my room, completely stressed out!

The look on his face was not good. He said the stent that was put into my right ureter from kidney down to bladder had some how moved and was now in my abdomen and they could see and feel it through the hole in the vaginal cuff. He sends me over to the hospital to have a CT scan with contrast and tells me he will call me as soon as the results are in.

I go to the hospital and sit for two damn hours waiting to be called back. Finally I get an IV put in my arm, then sit another 15 minutes and I am called back. I get on the table and they scan me three times, then inject the contrast into my IV, which always gives me a hot weird taste in the back of my mouth and makes my crotch area very hot. Then they scan me two more times. Then I had to lay there for 15 minutes and they scanned me two more times and I was finally done. I left my house this morning at 9:30am and got home at 3:30pm.

I immediately called my mother and was telling her everything, when the other line beeped in and I said it might be the doctor so hold on. I click over and it is a lady from the other hospital here called University. She says she has me down for 8:00am surgery tomorrow. I said what surgery. She asked if I saw my doctor today and I said yes, what surgery. She asked what the doctor told me and I replied that he saw the stent on the other side of my vaginal cuff. She said, yes! Have you not talked to your doctor since? I said no that I was waiting for his call and again asked what surgery. She refused to tell me and said she would call them and have him call me back. There I sat, stressed in worry for over an hour and my doctors assistant called me. She said that I was NOT having surgery in the morning, but I was having surgery on another day. I asked what surgery and she said she did not know, but my doctor wanted me back in his office tomorrow at 11:45 to go over everything,

The only thing I can figure he would be doing surgery for is to repair the hole in the ureter and get the stent out of my abdomen. It is rushing urine into my abdomen which then runs out the hole in my cuff and I soak a depends every hour now. I don’t think it needs to wait until after the weekend though. I am terrified of having a large incision and the pain of it after. From what I have found, they go in either in your back or your side and it’s a decent sized cut, then they repair the hole. You can end up being in the hospital two weeks and usually are put on a pain pump so you know they expect a lot of pain! Yikes…. You have got to be kidding me! You are also on a catheter for at least a week. EKE…

How in the hell does a stent come out of the ureter and end up in your abdomen. Stents come out sometimes but it is always out through your urethra. I have been unable to find anyone else this has happened to, let alone anyone else that had both a hole in the cuff and a hole in the ureter after a hysterectomy and I also had sepsis and a hematoma that would not come out even through a drain. I almost died then. I do not want to deal with this. Everyone keeps telling me I need to talk to a lawyer because all of it together is just too damn much. I can’t deal with that right now, I have to get better first, but I am thinking about it. I feel I definitely deserve some type of compensation for the many errors on his part that caused me so much pain, suffering and inability to even do a single thing for months. I don’t know though, dealing with that will cause all kinds of anxiety issues for me. Though the money is desperately needed.

I really cannot take anymore bad news. I have had three surgeries before the hysterectomy and never had any problems with them at all. Healed well and no mishaps! My doctor is raved about being the best here by everyone. He never had any error or mishap before me. Why is it always me that the crap happens too anyway?

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. FOR NO PAIN, FAST HEALING AND RECOVERY AND FOR IT ALL TO BE OVER WITH………….

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UGH…….

I have had the stent in since last Friday. The stent itself doesn’t bother me much but I have had some sharp bladder pains. I see the doctor tomorrow morning.

Last night I woke every hour to chunks of the hematoma coming out of me and having to go to the bathroom and change the Depends underwear I have to wear. I also had a lot of fluid and blood coming out from midnight until noon and went through six depends that fast. I feel like I can’t mentally take any of this anymore. I have had re major crying spells feeling like I have no life and I am going to snap, which must be due to hormones.

I am 30 days post OP for a radical Hysterectomy which then I got ill and ended up hospitalized and then found out I have a hole in my vaginal cuff, a serious infection and a hole in my right ureter. Enough is enough and I need to see some improvements! I have zero life. Rest and take it easy. Bored to death and sick of this damn house. I have gotten an appetite back in the last two days though and actually had a BM two days in a row, for the first time since my surgery.

I am on two antibiotics and one of them leaves a nasty taste in my mouth all the time. I finish them on Saturday, which will be two weeks of taking them. I am sick of it all damn it!

I will ask the doctor about hormones tomorrow too. I need more than anything for the stuff flowing out of me to slow down and stop. Living in Depends underwear for women since Tuesday July 15th has gotten to me! Not getting much sleep has gotten to me! Having pain in my bladder and very low back has really gotten to me! It feels like everything crappy that can happen, always happens to me. If I could go back I would not have this surgery and just live the rest of my life in the pain.

I do everything I can to keep my mind busy. I read, email, Facebook and play two different games on my IPad. I watch TV or movies. It’s just been too long with no improvements. It’s bad enough to deal with depressed and anxiety and chronic pain every day of your life, then all of this has just been way more than I can take. I have been tortured so many times between the surgery and being left in pain until I had a full blown panic attack to the drain tube being out I my low abdomen while conscious and then the tube put in my back and then taken out and a stent put in! I’m done! Something has to give…

Every time I lay down I do a healing meditation and I focus on the three major areas. The hematoma to get out of me, the hole in my ureter to heal and the hole in my vaginal cuff to heal. None of which can heal as long as fluid is constantly flowing out of it! I am terrified of having to have another surgery too! Please, send me prayer for healing and recovery, I need them so badly………….