Beautiful weather today, but pain is intense…

Today has been absolutely gorgeous! 77 degrees with a nice breeze. I just love the Fall and temperatures in the 70’s, but for some reason my pain goes through the roof at the same time. I still have the A/C on because it’s going to be 90 again in the next couple of days and it gets a bit to warm in the late afternoon which heats the house up too much. However, the issue is the fact that every year my pain gets so bad in Fall that I end up in a wheel chair. This does not make sense to me. The beautiful weather should help keep my pain to a minimum. It’s not rainy or cloudy out so it has nothing to do with that. The pressure is good. For the last few years my pain has been so bad that I have been in a wheelchair for Halloween. I do not want to go through that again this year. I just wish I understood the correlation between fall and my pain. I am in the south and it’s so nice, weather wise in the Fall. I could see my pain increasing due to it being cold or hot outside. So what is it?

As I sit here typing this my left hip is robbing in deep pain. My lower back and tailbone feel like they are crushing into me. A deep in the bone pain, much like a ice cream headache, is flowing down my left leg. I wish I could make this hell just go away!

I love Halloween! Every year we decorate the back porch and set up a scary walk down our driveway onto the back porch where the kids get their candy. Every prop I have I made myself. I have always loved doing this and after my son died, I did Not do Halloween for several years. Each year people say how they appreciate our efforts in creating a haunted walk, because no one does it anymore. So many kids cannot go to a haunted house, because it costs $20 or more to get into one here. I have always liked to make it special and scary. I remember being a kid and there was always a scary haunted house, no matter where I lived. It takes two months of a little bit here and a little bit there to make it all happen. Just being able to get candy to pass out has to be done in very small amounts over a very long time. Yet, we always do all we can. Then I became ill and had the chronic pain over come my life. Three years now. If not for the others here, I would not be able to do a single thing for Halloween. I am grateful for the fact we can still make it a special day.

I have lost so many things I love in life because of this pain. There has to be a way to make my life a more enjoyable one. I go to my appointments and I do everything the doctors tell me to do. But they have not tried to correct anything. They insisted on a dozen injections that never helped and since then they just see me every two months and they do not seem to even care or hear what I am telling them. I know there are other therapies out there to try. How do you get your doctor to try them? I have begged for the spinal cord stimulator in hopes I could just not feel all this pain anymore, but they refused to do it. I want a real shot at a decent and enjoyable life! Everyone deserves that…

All of my Disorders…

I have a list of diagnosis’, disorders and health conditions.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, severe chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Degenerative Disc Disease, High Blood Pressure, Glaucoma, Insomnia, Migraines, Bursitis, and Hypoglycemia.

So from being in constant pain that fluctuates from a #5 to a #10 even within one day, but never ever goes below a five and a five is RARE, then add in the Panic Attacks, Almost Constant Anxiety, Migraine Headaches and severe episodes of depression……. I am a walking and breathing roller coaster! I take 9 different prescription medications and also take Ibuprofen and Aleve liquid gels. I then get through one day at a time, because there is no telling how I will feel physically or emotionally each day. I can feel pretty good and have a decent day or I can feel severely depressed or in so much pain I have to lay still in bed crying! I have panic attacks out of no where for no reason, they can happen several times a day or I can go weeks without one sometimes. How I get through a day took me a long time to figure out. When I wake up I have to get from my bed to my bathroom which is only about 5-6 feet away. I hurt so badly it is pure terror just getting there. Then I sit on a pillow and take my morning medications. I try to deal with the horrible pain and usually an severe headache or migraine for the 20-30 minutes it takes for my body to respond to the medications. Some days it takes me two hours to get to this point! I then check my email and Facebook and look up things online. Until I feel that I am able to get up and move around to get dressed and start the day. Usually that takes a solid two hours. I then decide how bad I am feeling and if I think I could do a chore or I have to go back to bed and sleep some more until I can take my next dose of pain medication and hopefully start my day then.

Today was a good day for me. Once my meds kicked in I was down to a six and decided I could do a chore. So I dusted the computer area. Mind you just that chore takes me a few hours because I have to sit or move different ways in order to complete the task and not be in horrendous pain from attempting the chore. One chore is all I can allow myself to do. If I feel good and I do more, I always pay for it and suffer deeply for it. I had to learn that I can only do small things a day. My mood can go from pretty good to severely depressed in the blink of an eye. I can suddenly buckle over in so much pain I cannot control the tears. I also can have a panic attack take me out in seconds. I found when I feel the panic beginning I MUST take my medication and go directly to bed! So, life for me is one day at a time, just getting through an hour, a minute and so on. I had a decent day and now I feel horrible. Nauseated so bad with the crushing pain that feels like my hips are being crushed into my spine. I am burning up with heat, but I have no fever. At least I was able to enjoy a few hours of the day.

It is very important for me to find things I can do so I have something occupying my mind from the severe pain. But right now I cant do anything because I feel so sick!