Two Week Post-Op Vist…

I saw my doctor yesterday for my two weeks post-op visit. Upon arriving at the place I noticed it felt like I was trickling liquid out of me. I have been bleeding more than anyone else I know of and did not think to much of it. When I was in the room and checked by the nurse I decided to sit on the pad on the bed. That was a good thing. The doctor came in and looked at my stitches and said my pathology was all good. I stood up and I had bled through everything. Except it was more like blood colored water. They gave me a pad and told me that this can be normal, but to keep an eye on it for a while. They ran blood tests and my iron is LOW so I was put on an iron supplement. When I got home I changed my clothes and in 20 minutes I had bled through everything again. Then it was down to 15 minutes. I called the office and they said that they had told me this could be normal and to just keep an eye on it. Yet everywhere I have looked online says this is NOT normal! I had someone go get me a bag of Depends, adult diapers, since I could not contain this mess. It was like a faucet was on non stop! For the rest of the day I went through one Depends every three hours. After three hours it was full and bulky and very wet. I also did this the entire night. Where the hell does that much fluid even come from? I had a hell of a time sleeping.

I got up at 7am and again changed my diaper. I have been trying to rest and not move around to much. After three hours, again I had to put on another Depends. I have been wondering how the hell I am going to buy a bag of Depends every two days at $14 a pop! So far, I have gone four hour and I don’t have to change it yet, my fingers are crossed that it is done or will be very soon. I still feel it trickle out, but it is no longer non-stop.

What frustrates me the most is, I belong to a group online of other women who have hysterectomies and each section has a group for others who had it done around the same time as you so you can share with each other. I posted on everything that is occurring and all of them kept saying go to the ER or that I had a whack job for a doctor. I can’t just go to the ER, it’s the same place that i had my surgery done. I searched online everywhere for anyone else who had this happen to them and I came across one woman. They ran a ton of tests on her and never found anything to be wrong, put her on bed rest and it eventually stopped. So I have been feeling very scared and alone. I am usually the one who gets the one in a million things that happen to them so why should I be surprised. It’s the fact that every where I look says this is not good and to seek medical help, I seek medical help and they keep saying the same thing to me. That I need to just watch it and if it continues for more than two days to call them back. I did make it through two days of heavy bleeding and then it went back to normal for two days and then this happened to me.

I read posts everyday that all the other women in my group post and how most of them aren’t bleeding at all, let alone having to wear a diaper. I had the best in this area surgeon and everyone says how great he is. I also started crying out of the blue for spells yesterday. I was wondering when that would happen. No hormones anymore. I kept crying thinking how I was just like a baby, filling my diaper throughout the day and balling my eyes out! I see the doctor again in a month, which will be 6 weeks post-op for me. That is when he will do a pelvic exam and check on everything. He said nothing goes in there for six weeks or it can cause problems. That is also when I am supposed to be released to drive, swim and have sex again.

This has been a rough road for me. I did not expect all the issues I have had. Every single day I close my eyes and do a healing meditation with GOD. Healing me and my entire being. I can only hope, each day, that it will be a better day. Everyone heals, some just do it at different rates and some have weird things they have to deal with along the way. We all get there eventually! My tummy is still pretty bruised up but it’s faded a lot. It sure did get dark in those first few days. My doctor had told me that nothing he did caused that bruising and while at my appointment yesterday, the PA that was also at the hospital with me said that the instruments can bang around inside and cause that kind of bruising. I have not met anyone who had it happen to them yet though. I know how it happened, I had a full blown panic attack while in recovery because they left me there for too long in too much pain! I have a month of resting ahead of me. Right now I will be happy with not having to wear Depends anymore………….

Post-Op Day 10…

It is 2:09 am… I woke covered in sweat. I have the window A/C running on top of the house A/C and it is cold in my room. So, how does this happen? This is now the third time this has occurred since my surgery. Once was last week and the last two have been the last two nights. They always happen at night, not just while I am taking a three hour nap. I am assuming it must be ‘Night Sweats’ which is part of menopause. If any of you have this occur and are in menopause, please share with me ways you have made it easier on yourself, if that is even possible. After all, I did have everything removed, so I no longer have ovaries to make female hormones for me.

It seems like every other day I have horrible unbearable pain. Then the days in between it is more tolerable. What is up with that? Yesterday was a horrible and unbearable pain day, as was two days prior to that. Tuesday night I woke all night long with gut wrenching pain and the entire day, when ever I stood up or sat down it hurt as if I was having a part of my abdomen ripped from me. By night time I was extremely drained and even said to God, “Why don’t you just kill me already and stop this torture” I don’t understand why I am not doing better by now. I took it easy and I have slept a lot, I drink tons of fluids, though I am finding it difficult to eat and I have to force food down my throat just to get up to 1200 calories that my APP says I have to have in order to not be in starvation mode. There are calories in everything I drink too.

My neighbor brought me a container of blueberries and said they help her have a BM. Yup, I still have not had a BM. I can’t help but wonder if that is part of the reason I am in so much pain. As I laid in bed last night, my entire mid section ached and felt so raw and painful. I thought to myself, “yup, this is some serious pain!” I have spent the entire week taking my pain medication on schedule. To get the best benefit I can from them. I have found that for a couple of hours in the after noon I catch a small break from the intensity of the pain. From my surgery all the way through Monday I slept almost non-stop. I could not stay awake for anything. The last couple of days I have been able to stay awake much more often. I would rather sleep, since then I am not suffering non-stop.

So many people who have had a hysterectomy say how great they feel after the first week. My major pain is in two areas in my gut. One being extremely intense and the other medium intensity. I have had these pains since I woke from surgery. Why the hell do I still have them? Why are they not getting better? Why do they feel just as intense as day one? Is it because I was left in so much pain in recovery that I had a full blown panic attack, which wrenched every muscle in my abdomen and caused bleeding through out my abdomen that turned black with in one day? Did I tear something in these two places and it is going to be horrible for me for how ever long it takes a torn muscle to repair? My surgeons only comment on it was that nothing he did caused that. Let’s see, who ever was responsible for what pain medication I got in recover is who did it to me then. Control the pain and give me my daily doses of Ativan through out the day to prevent a panic attack. It is so simple, yet it was not done! Now I get to cart around a very swollen black and purple tummy for god knows how long, on top of intense pain from what ever happened in there to cause all the bleeding. I am more than frustrated. I kept telling myself to make it through the first week and everything would be better.

I still need to write letters to a few people about my treatment there and to make matters worse, I was served with debt collection letters right after I was home from the hospital. I have to write a letter to the court stating that it was all debt incurred while I was married to hubby #2 and how they need to go after him for the money, even though I had done this multiple times with the company it’s self. I live on social security disability of $797 a month. You cannot get blood out of a turnip! It takes almost the entire deposit just to pay the mortgage! These things weigh on my mind until I get them done, so I really need to sit down tomorrow and write out the statements and get them mailed off!

I’m just so very frustrated and I need to wake up and not have the intensity of the pain that I have had since day one. I need something to show me that I am improving! Not the same crap day after day that screams, “You are going to suffer until you die”. I see my surgeon for my post-op appointment next Tuesday morning. He has a horrible bedside manner, so it will be short and harsh. I will get the results of pathology and basically that will be it. He may check my incisions inside my vaginal wall from where he removed my cervix and uterus and then had to stitch it all closed, it’s called a vaginal cuff. Straight and to the point with him. If it all looks good on paper then there is absolutely nothing wrong with me………….