SMILE, it really does bring joy…

I have struggled a lot recently with way too much pain and feeling down.  One thing is for sure, just the simple act of forcing a smile on your face does uplift you!  That’s right, make yourself smile, even while you are feeling down or angry.  Force that smile on your face and your body releases a feel good chemical that does improve your mood.

I was feeling all kinds or anger for many reasons, then I remembered that smiling will help, so I forced a smile on my face and I held that smile there for a full minute.  I began to feel better!  Every moment I caught myself feeling down I put that smile back on my face and I felt better.  I found myself smiling for no reason at all.  This really does work!  

What do you have to loose… Nothing, except your sadness and anger.  The next time you feel down, angry or just not good, force a smile upon your face.  Hold that smile there for as long as you can and through out the day remember to smile even when you don’t feel like it.  Trust me, your body will send out that feel good chemical and you will improve your mood.  I dare you….. Just try it out!

I would love to hear from anyone who has given forth the effort to force the smile upon their face and continue to put that smile there rough the day………….

  
S M I L E . . .

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Filling Your Karma Account with Positive Credits…

We all have Karma.  What we put out, is what we get back.  So, each positive thought or affirmation is like a positive credit in your Karma account.  The goal being to have more positive than negative.  Like a buffer for any negative thing that occurs.

For example, let’s say you start each day with positive affirmations.  Those affirmations are each a credit in your account.  So, we say 5 positive affirmations and we deposit five positive credits.  Through out the day when a negative thought comes in your mind, then that takes away a positive credit, but if you immediately change that negative thought into a positive one and say it out loud, you can stop the withdrawal of a positive credit.  It balances out.  If you have a bad day and cannot help the negative thoughts, you could easily go into the negative in your karma account, so you want to build up as many positive credits as possible on the days you are feeling good.  Each thought and each action that is positive, is a positive credit.  When we help others or do good/nice things for them, we feel better and we deposit much more positive credits.  The more we do this, the better we feel!

Try to make each day start with positive credits into you karma account.  Affirmations and good intentions followed up with doing nice things for others.  Make an achievable goal that you can make each day, like 10 credits per day and work towards that goal every single day.  Remember, everyone has bad days, so do not get yourself down when this happens to you.    

Being still, silent and just relaxing is a daily practice we all need to have.  Our intuition and gut tells us so many things.  Yet, you must be quiet in order to hear it.  Nothing is more important than your happiness and well being.  Make the time, if even just a few minutes a day, to give yourself that silence and connection to your own spirit………….

  

Loving Yourself…

One thing is for sure, you have to love yourself before you can ever really love someone else.  When you take the time to find yourself and develop love for yourself, then you know if you do end up in a relationship, that it is out of love and not loneliness!

That old saying is very true, take a year to find yourself after a break up.  I can tell you first hand that relationships begun without finding and loving yourself, never last!  I spent most of my life going from one relationship right to the next.  I often felt like I just could not be alone.  I have been married three times and they were all back to back.  5 years, 16 years and then 8 years.  It began at age 16 and ended at age 45.  This time, I made myself stop and find myself and I realized that I actually really enjoy my own company.  I prefer not having to deal with someone else or their bull, lol!  I love having the bed all to myself and the bathroom completely for me.  I have been just me for over a year now and it is a wonderful place to be!  This does not happen over night though.

First, you have to grieve the loss of the relationship and go through the healing process to get past the pain.  Instead of looking for someone else to fill the void, which No One can make you Happy except You, take time to really find yourself.  Who are you?  Do you even know who you are anymore?  What do you like about yourself?  Is there anything you want to change?  Now is the time to make those changes!  You can be or do anything you put your mind too.  What morals do you have?  What morals would you like to have?  Take the time to care for yourself.  Exfoliate your skin, moisturizer, do your nails, etc.  When we care for ourselves, we feel better about ourselves.  Even the simple act of applying make-up can boost my mood.  What do you find joy in doing?  What is fun for you?  I love doing all kinds of crafts.  If I see something I want, I can usually find a way to make it myself.  In doing this, I also feel accomplished.  That is a wonderful feeling.

Finding out who you really are now, pampering yourself and taking the time to work on positive thinking are all extremely important.  We did not become negative thinkers over night, so this will take practice to change.  How do you do that?  You start out small, by noticing your thoughts and when you have a negative thought you acknowledge that thought, but then replace it with a positive thought.  For instance, you find yourself thinking about the things your ex had done to hurt you.  Stop right then and remind yourself that you are a beautiful and loving being.  The things that happened hurt, but they are also learning experiences.  We can NOT control anyone other than ourselves.  Say out loud something positive, an affirmation!  “I AM Lovable” “I AM all I truly need”. It helps to have a list of positive affirmations to look at when you have negative thoughts.  With practice, you can and will change the negative into the positive.  No matter how spiritually advanced you become, you will have bad days, everyone does.  All you can do is try your best to get through that day or moment of negativity.  Distracting the mind helps a great deal when you find yourself in a bad mood or having a bad day.  This is where knowing what you enjoy to do comes into play.  For me, I clean or work on a craft.  Sometimes my chronic pain is so bad, that all I can do is lay in bed and distract my mind by watching a movie.  So do NOT get yourself down when you have a bad day, it happens to everyone.  

Love yourself and care for yourself like you would a best friend.  Become your own best friend.  You can only truly rely upon and depend on yourself.  We cannot make others do what we want or be true to their word, but we can for ourselves!  Positive self talk!  What would you say to your best friend if he/she felt as you do?  Say that to yourself!  Go places you have always wanted to go.  Eat at restaurants you have wanted to try.  You do not need someone with you to enjoy these things!  All you need is YOU!  Over time, this will get easier and you will find how much you actually do love yourself and enjoy being with just yourself.  For me, after a year, I can honestly say that I prefer to be with just ME!  Now, if someone right were to come along, I would know that if I chose to be with them, it would be out of love and not a need to be with someone and that is a relationship that can last. I am not looking though, because I am very content with just being me………….

  

    After My Vacation…

The three weeks I spent in the perfect Peace at my parents house was very nice.  I did not once have a horrible splitting headache and my pain levels where much better for the most part.  I know, for a fact, that stress contributes a lot towards the level of my pain.  I felt care free and I had zero stress while I was there, except for when my son informed me of the things my daughter was doing.  I also, meditated every single day.  I did not worry about how I was going to obtain things I needed or if my kids were going to take care of something.  I also went to the gym with my mom once a week while I was there.  I saw how much going to the gym helped me physically and mentally.  Even though I could not do a whole lot, it still benefited me in many ways.

I was home for three days before the stress and worry had its grips on me again.  Last night I had one of the worst headaches I have ever had in my life.  It ruined my time out with a great person.  I have NO life here.  My life is this…. Get up, wait to feel good enough to function, do my chores, watch my grandson and go to bed.  Just trying to fit in dating seems near impossible, because I have to watch my grandson while my daughter works and she has to use my vehicle.  She thinks the entire world revolves around her.  I told her I do not have a life and she said, “Yes you do!”  I raised my kids, this is supposed to be my time, to actually have a life I want, not dng for everyone else.  I woke in a great mood the last two days and my daughter single handedly ruined them.  When she wakes up, she starts yelling and cussing.  Sounds horrible.  The stress instantly rips through my entire being.  She says crap that is just not right!  I also have not had the time to meditate.  I have to change this!

I joined the gym near here.  I MUST make sure I get to the gym and meditate.  The gym offers massage and tanning so I can sneak in meditation there too.  The only draw back is that my ex goes to that gym, so I am hoping I go when he doesn’t.  I don’t care if he is there, but he has to have a fit about stupid things.  My plan is to go three times a week.  Work out, do the massage and then lay in the tanning bed.  I want my entire body tan and it is just not safe to lay out here naked…lol!

I have met a couple of Guys and went on a few dates.  One of them I do like and will see more of.  It is funny how when Spring hits there are a lot of guys interested.  I just want a decent boyfriend to do things with and know I have another half.  I do not want him to live with me!  I really wish my friend from high school lived here, he is perfect for me!  I guess I need to just focus on me… Meaning, I need to go to the gym and meditate and not worry about having a boyfriend or anything else.  I really don’t have the time for it.

I need to build my own life.  I also need to delegate chores to the others in this house.  It is time for spring cleaning.  I should not be the only one doing everything!  I know when I was away from here, I felt at peace.  Now I spend too much time wanting to leave and find my peace again………….  

      

Day 7 away from the Stress…

I have fully enjoyed the complete peace and quiet here.  No reason to tense up and be on edge.  My son, however, informed me yesterday that my daughter has been making some very bad choices.  I am not sure why, when I am away from home, she does this.  So, I was pretty tense and stressed out yesterday when I found out she had grabbed my grandson and choked him.  Luckily, my son intervened and stopped it.  I am most likely going to have to have her removed again.  If she would just stop doing what ever drug she can get her hands on, I am sure she would improve greatly!  Enough of that, I am away from home so I don’t have to deal with those things…

I spent an hour doing a deep meditation yesterday.  I always want to stay in there, my entire body so relaxed and it is very peaceful.  I need to get back on track of doing a deep meditation every day.  You connect with your inner self that way.  It helps in many ways, even with your physical health.

My biggest problem when it comes to men is, expectations.  I seem to always expect them to be or do things as I would, which leaves me very disappointed.  I have been focusing on this part of me and reminding myself that no one is just like me and I cannot make someone do things just because I think they should.  Let me tell you, this is a very hard thing to over come.  Though, it is the one thing that always puts me in a sad place, so loose the expectations and I will not become greatly disappointed.

I have also found it very rare to find someone I am even slightly attracted to.  I have found a couple and they have all turned out to be liars…lol!  Recently, I found another one and I asked all the important questions, in which he responded very well too.  So, I chose to give this a go.  For me, I will only be with one man at a time.  I put all I have into it and focus only on him.  We have a lot in common, so what is the draw back?  He is a truck driver, so I will see him once a month maybe.  Now, this can be a good thing if I can stop with the expectations.  I keep busy and I have said before how great it would be to just see my guy on the weekends or every other weekend.  With him I will only see him a couple of days a month or so.  He keeps saying how it really is hard on relationships and how he has not ever found someone who can handle it.  It is all in how you perceive things and react to them.  Keeping it all positive will be key and enjoying the time we do have together.  We text every day, so that is good.  I am even willing to go on a run with him in order to spend more time together. So, I will see where this goes.  He has one son and he is 16 years old.  I want to find the one who will be my best friend and who I can enjoy my senior years with!

Back to working on myself…  

1.  Notice and catch all negative thoughts.  Do NOt say them out loud and change them to a positive thought.

2.  Say Positive Affirmations every day!

3.  Take the time to meditate, even if it is just a 20 minute deep breathing session!

4.  Do something every day to pamper yourself!

5.  Put forth effort to look at people, be in the moment and smile!



Recovering at My Parents…

I saw the doctor on Wednesday and my mom went with me. They took out the many staples, which did not hurt one bit and then they took out the drain, which felt like a horrible burning pain for a solid minute, then eased off. My mom told my doctor how recovering at my home was not a good place to be and he listened to her. He moved things around and made it so I could go home with her for two weeks, the come back and have a test done to make sure my urinary tract is working right and if so, I will finally get the catheter out on the 10th of September. I am concerned about peeing on my own after so long with a catheter, but I did read about some bladder strengthening exercises you can do to help before it is removed, so I need to look into that! I really hate having this catheter. It is uncomfortable and often hurts. I started passing clots and some blood two days ago, I called the doctor but no one has called back yet so I don’t know if it is normal or not. I don’t like the leg bag as it will not stay up on my leg because I have toothpick legs. I only use it if I have to go out somewhere like the doctor, etc. I just use the big bag and carry it around in a tote bag. It is uncomfortable to sit anywhere, but it need to sit on several pillows. I think one of those donut pillows would help so nothing is pushing on the catheter.

My incision line is very long. It is still weeping some from the staples being removed, but looks good and healed well. I have times through the day where it stings and burns, but for the most part it’s not an issue at all. Which is surprising to me with how big it is. It hurt like holy hell the first couple of days though, even with an epidural. Though I could still feel my legs so I don’t think the epidural was placed right. At least it took some of the pain away.

I finally had a bowel movement today. It seems to take four days of drinking miralax to have one. It took 11 days from surgery, but they did give me something to drink the third day in the hospital that gave me horrible cramps and then I exploded with green diarrhea….. TMI! The colace and miralax make it soft and easy to come out, but a pain to get cleaned off. Ok, enough TMI for now!

Over all, I have decent pain control with some issues in the evenings. I sleep about two hours then wake to leg and foot cramps that keep my up for two hours and then I sleep about two more hours and I am up for the day. I take a nap usually in the afternoon. Not much sleep, but I don’t feel horrible either. I try to walk around a it when ever possible.

I came home with my mother to recover for two weeks in peace. My house is full of negativity and drama. Here it is quiet and peaceful so I will recover much better here, not being stressed out every single day! “B” was pissed I was coming here. He just can’t think of anyone before himself. I came here to spend a couple weeks with my parents back in February and ever since “B” has said he was taking his vacation this year by himself, I guess to punish me, even though I don’t care! And he is taking his vacation by himself next month for a week up by his mother. I don’t understand why he gets so mad about me going to my parents. It is a retirement community and I don’t do anything. Not to mention I can’t even do anything now since I am on rest and recovery for 6-8 weeks. When I am home I am in my room alone, he doesn’t even come in there and talk to me. He sits I front of the TV or computer, but never spends a single minute with me. So, why does it matter if I am there or not. It is like he is happy as long as he knows I am in the house. The only draw back to being here is it is pretty hot, but my father has lowered the A/C for me this time, so I am pretty comfortable as long as I stay where the fan is. It truly amazes me how horrible negative and stressful my house is, just being in it. My mom was warn out just from being there for so long. Heck, one day wears you out. You can feel it in the air. I want everyone to be happy. I have been extremely sick and I need desperately to recover well this time. I would not do things that would upset “B” but I had to think of me first this time. It was a sudden choice I made too, at the doctors office when he and my mom wanted me to have a calm recovery period. So I came home and pretty much dumped it on him. He was instantly pissed, you could see it and feel it and the way he acted. I don’t do that to him when he goes places. When he said he was going to s moms alone I was ok with it, I was a bit upset that he chose to do it during my recovery period when I needed help though. I quickly got over that when I realized he doesn’t really do much to help me anyway.

When we force ourselves to connect against our heart’s
desires, we create false, resentful relationships; when
we disconnect from the people who deplete us, we set
them free to find their tribes while we find ours.

~ Logging Off: The Power of Disconnection

How to be Happy…

I often ask myself, “How can I be Happy?” Or “What can I do to feel happy?” I have searched the internet on numerous occasions for the answers to this question. I have read dozens upon dozens of articles. Most of which are so broad that I have trouble relating them to myself.

At the following website I found the best list for how to be Happy:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201103/10-ways-feel-better-about-yourself

1. Keep going. Don’t let life’s changes throw you off track, but remember that most extenuating circumstances are temporary. Gain more clarity by staying the course and channeling your energy in a positive direction.

2. Trust yourself. Believe in your inner resources, no matter what, and you’ll grow from the experience. I believe that the answers usually lie within and you are probably smart enough to figure out what you need to do. Give yourself a little time and have patience.

3. Be friends with life. Remember that the world is not out to get you and it does not punish you. You do that to yourself. Learning to focus on other opportunities or in another direction can give you some perspective.

4. Watch your thoughts. Your thinking will never be 100 percent positive. You must learn to dismiss the negative thoughts and stay open to other ideas that will help you move in a positive direction. Start recognizing negative thoughts and use your mind to quell them.

5. Summon the strength you have inside. Learn to access and direct your strengths to the highest good for all concerned. Believe that your strength and intelligence can help you deal with anything. Remember that you have survived worse.

6. Learn to love yourself. You do not have to be who you are today, and your life is not scripted. Changing how you feel about yourself means creating a strategy, gathering some new tools, and making yourself into the person you want to be. A good way to start is to stop doing things that hurt.

7. Don’t want too much. Desire can be a powerful motivating tool, but wanting something too much can be very painful and very expensive, so don’t live beyond your means or covet the unattainable. Seek your desire, but keep your integrity.

8. Don’t get insulted. It is wise to be dispassionate about critical comments. Human’s will always bump heads, but consider the source, and if it’s the other person’s issue, ignore it. Learn to respond instead of react, and don’t show your ire.

9. Recognize that disappointment is part of life. Even the most successful people have to deal with disappointment, but they’ve learned how to use it to get to the next level of life. The trick is to process your feelings, then take some kind of action.

10. Deal with your fears. Overcoming fear makes you stronger, and being a little scared can make you better. You want to have butterflies; you just want them flying in formation. It helps to understand and admit your fears. Then you can kick them to the curb.

Feel good about yourself, no matter what life brings. Know that each time you wake up, you have another chance to make things better. Don’t waste it.

Dealing with mental illness alone makes it very difficult to feel happy or even good on most occasions. I often have to search for things to remind myself what I do have in my life, instead of dwelling on all the bad things. I hope this list can help someone else in there own fight to discover happiness………….