Out of No Where, I became crippled in pain…

I was having a decent day, until the evening. Out of no where I was crippled in horrible pain. From my lower back, through my left hip, down my left leg, into my left knee and into my left foot to the big toe. It felt like a ice cream headache or brain freeze in the bones! Ugh! Crying I fetched the heating pack and placed it on me. I spent an hour trying to wait it out in hopes it would ease off. Finally, I want to bed with the heat pack. Laying there thinking I would not go to sleep due to the throbbing bone pain, but I did finally fall asleep for about an hour. I woke up and still had the bone pain, but it had eased off some. I have been sitting here for over an hour wishing it would just stop already! I have taken additional meds and I am praying I can go back to sleep soon.

This really sucks! So tired of it happening. How long do you wait before you finally say, I guess the rest of my life is going to be like this! It has been three years for me now. I do not want to live this way. Through pain management and medications I have been able to pretty much stay out of the wheelchair and at least walk around a bit. Yet, ever day is filled with pain and some are so horrible, like tonight! I just do not know what to do anymore. I wish my pain management doctor would try something else to see if it would help my pain levels. I had over a dozen epidural steroid injections that did nothing for my pain. They kept telling me that there are other things to try, but we haven’t tried anything else! I am feeling like giving up and not fighting through every day if my life to stay alive. Yet, I don’t want to not be here for my grandson. When life is such a huge struggle every single day, it becomes more of a burden than a joy.

I spend two hours every day when I wake up trying to get my pain under enough control so I can walk out of my room and sit in the living room. Then I usually end up back in my room because the pain is just too much after another two hours. Sometimes I have to take naps. Sometimes I have to be in total peace and quiet. It is a constant struggle to just live. Then throw in the panic, agoraphobia, anxiety and depression… The fact I have no support system or a loving and caring person that tells me it will be ok or tries to help me out. I need a full body massage. All the knotted up places need to be worked out. Then I need to soak in a hot tub and flush my body with water. Then rest for a 24 hour period after. If I had the money I would schedule a massage for one hour, then pay for a hydrotherapy session and come home and rest in bed for a full day. Something, anything to reset the deep torturous pain! But alas, I have no funds……. Money may not buy happiness, but it sure can make life a whole heck of a lot easier!

The pain continues

What can I say! I’m still in pain. The injection has cushioned my tailbone tip but I still feel crushing pain when I walk or stand. I do know it can take a week to fully work and this is just day two!

Depression….. Drifts in when you are in so much pain. Thoughts of how your tired of pushing through each and every day. Hoping for that to be the day you can walk and function at least enough to do some main chores that no one else seems to get needs to be done. And forget having the ones that say they love you actually really be there and not create more stress for you! Stress always increases the pain!!!

Lets see its been three years now if this pain. Some decent days after the first few months. Did pretty well actually until my son and I were beaten in the front yard by a gang after the neighbor. Since then I have been in pain Every Single Day! That was November 2010. And six epidural steroid injections in the last year when I read you should not have more than three a year! Lumbar was twice, thoracic once, cervical once and tailbone twice. Tailbone is the most painful by the way. Be sure if your having it done (because when you hurt this much you will try anything) that you have it in a hospital where they can give you some sedation. Because without sedation it is the most torturing thing you will ever experience!

The unrelenting Pain

The pain is unrelenting today. No breaks what so ever. It feels like my entire pelvis plus my lumbar spine and my tail bone are crushing inward.

I have taken three doses of meds plus a muscle relaxer and still the pain persists.

I have an epidural steroid injection in my tail bone tomorrow. Praying it provides me with relief.

Trying to find things to do when your stuck in bed is hard. Read, crafts (don’t have any), tv (don’t have one), meditation.