I was having a decent day, until the evening. Out of no where I was crippled in horrible pain. From my lower back, through my left hip, down my left leg, into my left knee and into my left foot to the big toe. It felt like a ice cream headache or brain freeze in the bones! Ugh! Crying I fetched the heating pack and placed it on me. I spent an hour trying to wait it out in hopes it would ease off. Finally, I want to bed with the heat pack. Laying there thinking I would not go to sleep due to the throbbing bone pain, but I did finally fall asleep for about an hour. I woke up and still had the bone pain, but it had eased off some. I have been sitting here for over an hour wishing it would just stop already! I have taken additional meds and I am praying I can go back to sleep soon.
This really sucks! So tired of it happening. How long do you wait before you finally say, I guess the rest of my life is going to be like this! It has been three years for me now. I do not want to live this way. Through pain management and medications I have been able to pretty much stay out of the wheelchair and at least walk around a bit. Yet, ever day is filled with pain and some are so horrible, like tonight! I just do not know what to do anymore. I wish my pain management doctor would try something else to see if it would help my pain levels. I had over a dozen epidural steroid injections that did nothing for my pain. They kept telling me that there are other things to try, but we haven’t tried anything else! I am feeling like giving up and not fighting through every day if my life to stay alive. Yet, I don’t want to not be here for my grandson. When life is such a huge struggle every single day, it becomes more of a burden than a joy.
I spend two hours every day when I wake up trying to get my pain under enough control so I can walk out of my room and sit in the living room. Then I usually end up back in my room because the pain is just too much after another two hours. Sometimes I have to take naps. Sometimes I have to be in total peace and quiet. It is a constant struggle to just live. Then throw in the panic, agoraphobia, anxiety and depression… The fact I have no support system or a loving and caring person that tells me it will be ok or tries to help me out. I need a full body massage. All the knotted up places need to be worked out. Then I need to soak in a hot tub and flush my body with water. Then rest for a 24 hour period after. If I had the money I would schedule a massage for one hour, then pay for a hydrotherapy session and come home and rest in bed for a full day. Something, anything to reset the deep torturous pain! But alas, I have no funds……. Money may not buy happiness, but it sure can make life a whole heck of a lot easier!