I Stopped the Pain Meds..

I had been feeling, for the last six months, that I needed to come off of the pain medications, the long acting one was making me feel sick and I had been on some sort of pain medication for over 7 years now.

6 months ago I began to investigate Kratom. After a few months I tried some from various places and then finally found the right one. I found it helped much more with the pain. So, 10 days ago I stopped the pain medication and took Kratom 3 times a day. Today and for the next week I will only take it twice a day, finally I am hoping to be able to only use it as needed. I have not had really any withdrawals. A few times my anxiety jacked up, but meditation helped with that as well as the Kratom. I no longer feel sick and my pain is no where near as bad as it had been. I truly believe prescription pain medication, over years, causes increased pain. It definitely has a place though.

Unfortunately, my life is still the same. Stuck at home and no way to do anything, etc. Maybe once I get through the next few weeks things will improve for me here. I am very comfortable here. It is hard to keep your mind busy when you do not have the funds for things to do. I pulled out a puzzle yesterday and I work on that periodically.

Oh yeah, I chopped all my hair off! I was tired of being hot and I always had my hair pulled up anyway. I am much cooler now. I don’t really care what I look like, nor am I trying to impress anyone. My comfort is the most important thing to me…


This is the best Christmas I have had in many years. I am so glad i came down to my parents! My parents even did a stocking for me. I always loved that as a kid!!! Normally, I would be home all alone and sad {as I am for all holidays}. In my stocking, besides some treats, was an Atomic Lighter, Fidget Spinner, face mask and a essential oil diffuser necklace. I also received a Bluetooth Keyboard for my IPad {I am using the keyboard right now!} and a foam topper for my bed.

Yesterday we had a get-together with local family for Christmas. My sister and her son came. They gave me new slippers, neck pillow, socks, eye mask and a Diamond Painting kit. If you haven’t seen those, do a search for them, they are really cool. We had a huge feast and I ate way too much food all day long.

I have a little over another week here before I go back home. I have been very lazy here. At home I do chores every day. It is nice to not have to do anything though. My mothers cousin bought some yarn and asked me to make two sets of baby sweaters with hats, which I worked on all last week. They came out beautiful. I should of taken a picture, oh well.

My daughter messaged me early this morning and wished me a Merry Christmas followed by her declaration of how much she loves me. That was very nice! I am sure I will Herat from my son when he gets out of bed. I hope all of you have a wonderful day and the New Year is filled with only Positive things………..

Christmas Vacation…

I am currently at my parents on vacation. I arrived here on the 14th and I do not go back home until around the 3rd of January. I brought my kitty with me that sleeps with me every night. She did not like the car ride at all, but she seems to be happy here. I am always happy here. Though I have been very lazy.

My sister & my nephew that live in Florida, my aunt & uncle, my cousin and his girlfriend and my moms cousin plus her friend will all be here tomorrow (Christmas Eve) for a get together and a big meal. This is nice for me, since I am normally home alone on all holidays. I always feel like I am “out of sight, out of mind” with my family. I don’t even have a friend near my anymore. Just stuck at home alone. I do not like to be around many people, due to my panic disorder and I do not have a vehicle to go anywhere. I miss having a good friend nearby very much.

For years now, Christmas doesn’t feel like any special day for me. All holidays are now just another day. Same old crap, different day! I miss the special feeling I always had for the holidays. Being an adult sucks! Then again, my entire life is boring and not fun. I can’t even remember the last time I felt real happiness… Every day is the same, with me just trying to make it through the day with the least amount of pain possible.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year!