One thing is for sure, you have to love yourself before you can ever really love someone else. When you take the time to find yourself and develop love for yourself, then you know if you do end up in a relationship, that it is out of love and not loneliness!
That old saying is very true, take a year to find yourself after a break up. I can tell you first hand that relationships begun without finding and loving yourself, never last! I spent most of my life going from one relationship right to the next. I often felt like I just could not be alone. I have been married three times and they were all back to back. 5 years, 16 years and then 8 years. It began at age 16 and ended at age 45. This time, I made myself stop and find myself and I realized that I actually really enjoy my own company. I prefer not having to deal with someone else or their bull, lol! I love having the bed all to myself and the bathroom completely for me. I have been just me for over a year now and it is a wonderful place to be! This does not happen over night though.
First, you have to grieve the loss of the relationship and go through the healing process to get past the pain. Instead of looking for someone else to fill the void, which No One can make you Happy except You, take time to really find yourself. Who are you? Do you even know who you are anymore? What do you like about yourself? Is there anything you want to change? Now is the time to make those changes! You can be or do anything you put your mind too. What morals do you have? What morals would you like to have? Take the time to care for yourself. Exfoliate your skin, moisturizer, do your nails, etc. When we care for ourselves, we feel better about ourselves. Even the simple act of applying make-up can boost my mood. What do you find joy in doing? What is fun for you? I love doing all kinds of crafts. If I see something I want, I can usually find a way to make it myself. In doing this, I also feel accomplished. That is a wonderful feeling.
Finding out who you really are now, pampering yourself and taking the time to work on positive thinking are all extremely important. We did not become negative thinkers over night, so this will take practice to change. How do you do that? You start out small, by noticing your thoughts and when you have a negative thought you acknowledge that thought, but then replace it with a positive thought. For instance, you find yourself thinking about the things your ex had done to hurt you. Stop right then and remind yourself that you are a beautiful and loving being. The things that happened hurt, but they are also learning experiences. We can NOT control anyone other than ourselves. Say out loud something positive, an affirmation! “I AM Lovable” “I AM all I truly need”. It helps to have a list of positive affirmations to look at when you have negative thoughts. With practice, you can and will change the negative into the positive. No matter how spiritually advanced you become, you will have bad days, everyone does. All you can do is try your best to get through that day or moment of negativity. Distracting the mind helps a great deal when you find yourself in a bad mood or having a bad day. This is where knowing what you enjoy to do comes into play. For me, I clean or work on a craft. Sometimes my chronic pain is so bad, that all I can do is lay in bed and distract my mind by watching a movie. So do NOT get yourself down when you have a bad day, it happens to everyone.
Love yourself and care for yourself like you would a best friend. Become your own best friend. You can only truly rely upon and depend on yourself. We cannot make others do what we want or be true to their word, but we can for ourselves! Positive self talk! What would you say to your best friend if he/she felt as you do? Say that to yourself! Go places you have always wanted to go. Eat at restaurants you have wanted to try. You do not need someone with you to enjoy these things! All you need is YOU! Over time, this will get easier and you will find how much you actually do love yourself and enjoy being with just yourself. For me, after a year, I can honestly say that I prefer to be with just ME! Now, if someone right were to come along, I would know that if I chose to be with them, it would be out of love and not a need to be with someone and that is a relationship that can last. I am not looking though, because I am very content with just being me………….