My Other Half……

I have spent the last 2 years, being single, I chose over a year ago to not even date or socialize at all with the opposite sex.  I just did me and found my own rhythm, though occasionally I would think how it would be nice to have a good man in my life, I was certain that would never happen and even wondered if there were any good men left in this world. I hadn’t really smiled or even laughed much in the last year.  Being just me and alone, there wasn’t anyone to cause laughter within me.  Except for when I got goofy and made myself laugh… 

Right at the new year, a guy I dated way back in high school, added me on Facebook.  I showed up as some one he might know and he was flooded with memories of us.  He messaged me and we were talking about high school and all we remembered.  Now, if I had not known him and remembered him, I would never have accepted his request, let alone talk to him.  We found out that we have EVERYTHING in common and we are both very loving, caring people with big hearts.  He also chose to just be alone and figured it was for the rest of his life.  As each day passed, we found out more and more of how much we were the same!  Now, we talk every single morning as soon as he gets home from work, which is third shift.  We both are excited for our time together and look forward to it.  

I never thought it was possible to have or even find a Soul Mate, but he sure has changed my mind on that!  He lives all the way up in Wisconsin and I am in Georgia.  He said he wanted to come see me, but that it would be very hard to get time off of work, that they always denied his requests.  Well, he put in for a week off and he got it!  He will be here in the beginning of March!!!  If things go as well as we think they will, he is going to move down here to be with me!  He literally wants to take full care of me, in EVERY way!  With all my issues and problems!  We both feel like we finally found our other half that had been missing our entire lives!  Wow…. Unbelievable!  I feel so very blessed and I am so grateful that I did not end my life all those times I wanted too…

I have always believed everything happens for a reason.  How amazing to have something wonderful happen to me instead of horrible.  Life changes in a blink of an eye, as we all know too well.  NEVER EVER GIVE UP!  Good things do come to those who wait!  Also, all those people were right… All the times I was told how I needed to stay single and spend at least a year with just myself and come to a place where I was fine with being just me.  When you stop thinking about things, or worrying about them, they are able to blossom!  Just like when someone gets pregnant after difficulty, they stop even thinking about it, then it happens for them…

Been Sick for over Two Weeks Now…

What seems like clock work, every other year I get sick with the flu or some other virus and then I end up with either bronchitis or pneumonia.  On December 17th, I woke with a scratchy feeling in my throat and chest.  That night the chills set in and a fever of 102.8!  For 3 nights this repeated, but the fever was a little lower each night.  A dry non-productive cough annoyed me night and day!  Not able to sleep and barely could eat.  After 13 days and feeling like I could not breathe, I finally got in to see the doctor.  Pneumonia!  Had a breathing treatment, received shots of steroids & antibiotics in my hip.  Sent home with prescriptions for antibiotics, cough syrup and a powder inhaler.  It took a full three days (today) before I finally started to feel any better at all.  I was able to sleep most of the nig last night, but I still have the dry cough.  I can also eat now.  I have a pain in my right side that wraps to my back, right in the lower rib cage area.  This started a week ago and is still constantly killing me!  Like endless torture…

My immune system has been messed up ever since I had Mono when I was 14 years old.  Or maybe it’s always been messed up.  As a kid I got sick all the time.  Why can’t I find a doctor that will actual do something?  I have had Mono twice, your not supposed to be able to get it again.  I had fifth disease that stayed with me for months, when it should not have!  If I could afford to eat healthy, I would do so much better.  The answer is simple, go live with my parents.  Except, it’s not that simple.  I have to find homes for my animals that I saved over the years.  I did not know at the time, that my husband would cheat and leave, which put me in this position of lack of funds to survive!  

This is the year for change!  I am not going to continue to sit here alone suffering.  I have given my adult kids more than enough time to stand up and help out and they won’t.  I Must put my health first!  I will do what I can over the next few months and then I need to move on…

I often wish I would just die in my sleep, so I no longer have to suffer………….

Day 3 in Florida – My Get Away…

I arrived at my parents in Florida on Sunday.  I always find peace and quiet here and work on myself.  I spent an hour at the pool yesterday and today an hour at the gym.  I lost most of my muscle during the two surgeries and the 14 weeks I was laid up after.  I couldn’t do a whole lot, but I managed 25 minutes on a bike and two rounds of upper and lower body machines.  I did feel pretty good afterward and I still have some decent energy four hours later.  I wish I could attend a gym by my home twice a week, but I will just have to find a way to push myself to do things at home!  I hope to have a bit of a tan when I return home.  The weather here has been beautiful, though today is pretty hot with it right around 87 degrees.

Tomorrow, Thursday, will be a day I am here alone while my parents golf.  I have to do laundry and I want to sit in the sun if I can handle it for a bit.  I also need to do a long meditation.  Working on myself is one of the biggest things I do when I come down here.  I know I get disappointed all the time, because I always have expectations of people.  That is one thing I want to work on while I am here.  No expectation = no disappointments!  It is hard not to expect others to act or do the things I know I would do or the things that I do.  Everyone is different though and assuming they have the same thoughts or even the same heart is wrong.  Plus it is so very bad for me.

I read an article today on SPRING CLEAN YOUR ENERGY FIELD…

Call an old friend that you haven’t seen for a long time and see how they are. You don’t need to speak for long, but your words and voice have a resonance that if used wisely, can heal.

Find a body of water, a stream, a pond, a lake and sit by the water. Wash your crown chakra in the water. Remember water takes the lowest spot in the teachings of the Tao and it has a strong connection to Sulis Minerva who is one of the Beings that is with us.

Take a stroll in the forest. Touch the bark of the trees, feel the moss, lean up against a tree and close your eyes, listen to the birds singing and the sounds and breath of the forest. She calms us.

Spend time with children and give them your full attention. Their sweetness, love of small things and laughter can lighten your spirits and teach you (And when they are a bit naughty, it helps you to look at patience, love and lack of ego.

Furry Friends
Love your pets, really love them, cuddle them, look at them, care for them, take them for a walk if they need it. They have unconditional love to give. They often help us in ways we don’t always understand.

Do something physical, dance, walk, cycle, do kung fu or tai chi perhaps. Use your body, it needs to move. You can simply touch your toes, swing your arms round like a windmill and do some stretches, but make an effort…

Carry a Tune
Laugh and sing (your singing might make others laugh, but do it anyway!)

Loved Ones
Spend time with friends and family. Go for a meal, enjoy their company, the food and the wine.

Try Something New
Be creative. Learn to knit, make soap, learn French or Spanish on skype, buy some cheap water colors and paint a picture, it’s very therapeutic.

Be Kind. Smile at the young man at the cash register, say hello to the lady walking her baby, wave back at the children who wave to you from their car. Help when you can.

Remember to meditate daily, it links you to the light even if you can’t see it, and teach your kids to meditate, it will help them in life.

Diet Changes
Give up meat or eat less of it, it’s deadly for your health and karma.

I HAVE to make major changes…

I am slowly recovering from my surgery. Today I finally had a BM and it took exactly two weeks to have one. I feel things are all progressing along as they should. I see the doctor tomorrow and hopefully he will say that all is healing well.

I already had an issue with the huge amount of negativity in my house and how “B” never can say anything positive. Every single day he wakes up and is in a negative mood and complaining. Every comment is negative. He is very much a jerk and I have found I just can’t take being around him at all anymore. I don’t understand how anyone can be that negative and hateful.

I don’t know if leaving here or removing him is the best option. Both pose a lot of problems. Honestly, I want to just leave, but my kids are here and they can’t afford the bills on there on. I am tired of tolerating so much negativity just to make sure the bills are paid and we have a roof over our heads. If my adult kids would band together and work together one could get a job and one could watch my grandson and they could help make sure the bills are covered. When I brought up me leaving before my kids flipped out, mostly my son. That I was screwing him and where would he live. My entire life I have put up with crap from another to survive. I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t think I can do it anymore. I know I can’t do it anymore!