Loving Yourself…

One thing is for sure, you have to love yourself before you can ever really love someone else.  When you take the time to find yourself and develop love for yourself, then you know if you do end up in a relationship, that it is out of love and not loneliness!

That old saying is very true, take a year to find yourself after a break up.  I can tell you first hand that relationships begun without finding and loving yourself, never last!  I spent most of my life going from one relationship right to the next.  I often felt like I just could not be alone.  I have been married three times and they were all back to back.  5 years, 16 years and then 8 years.  It began at age 16 and ended at age 45.  This time, I made myself stop and find myself and I realized that I actually really enjoy my own company.  I prefer not having to deal with someone else or their bull, lol!  I love having the bed all to myself and the bathroom completely for me.  I have been just me for over a year now and it is a wonderful place to be!  This does not happen over night though.

First, you have to grieve the loss of the relationship and go through the healing process to get past the pain.  Instead of looking for someone else to fill the void, which No One can make you Happy except You, take time to really find yourself.  Who are you?  Do you even know who you are anymore?  What do you like about yourself?  Is there anything you want to change?  Now is the time to make those changes!  You can be or do anything you put your mind too.  What morals do you have?  What morals would you like to have?  Take the time to care for yourself.  Exfoliate your skin, moisturizer, do your nails, etc.  When we care for ourselves, we feel better about ourselves.  Even the simple act of applying make-up can boost my mood.  What do you find joy in doing?  What is fun for you?  I love doing all kinds of crafts.  If I see something I want, I can usually find a way to make it myself.  In doing this, I also feel accomplished.  That is a wonderful feeling.

Finding out who you really are now, pampering yourself and taking the time to work on positive thinking are all extremely important.  We did not become negative thinkers over night, so this will take practice to change.  How do you do that?  You start out small, by noticing your thoughts and when you have a negative thought you acknowledge that thought, but then replace it with a positive thought.  For instance, you find yourself thinking about the things your ex had done to hurt you.  Stop right then and remind yourself that you are a beautiful and loving being.  The things that happened hurt, but they are also learning experiences.  We can NOT control anyone other than ourselves.  Say out loud something positive, an affirmation!  “I AM Lovable” “I AM all I truly need”. It helps to have a list of positive affirmations to look at when you have negative thoughts.  With practice, you can and will change the negative into the positive.  No matter how spiritually advanced you become, you will have bad days, everyone does.  All you can do is try your best to get through that day or moment of negativity.  Distracting the mind helps a great deal when you find yourself in a bad mood or having a bad day.  This is where knowing what you enjoy to do comes into play.  For me, I clean or work on a craft.  Sometimes my chronic pain is so bad, that all I can do is lay in bed and distract my mind by watching a movie.  So do NOT get yourself down when you have a bad day, it happens to everyone.  

Love yourself and care for yourself like you would a best friend.  Become your own best friend.  You can only truly rely upon and depend on yourself.  We cannot make others do what we want or be true to their word, but we can for ourselves!  Positive self talk!  What would you say to your best friend if he/she felt as you do?  Say that to yourself!  Go places you have always wanted to go.  Eat at restaurants you have wanted to try.  You do not need someone with you to enjoy these things!  All you need is YOU!  Over time, this will get easier and you will find how much you actually do love yourself and enjoy being with just yourself.  For me, after a year, I can honestly say that I prefer to be with just ME!  Now, if someone right were to come along, I would know that if I chose to be with them, it would be out of love and not a need to be with someone and that is a relationship that can last. I am not looking though, because I am very content with just being me………….



Mindfulness Exercise…

Being mindful is a way to open up and explore the right here and right now. We go through life looking forward or behind us and rarely do we stop and see what is right this moment.

Find a few minutes to yourself somewhere that you will not be disturbed. I like to do this outside. I know how difficult it can be to find time to yourself where no one will bother you. I often have the early morning when I wake up to my self, while everyone is still sleeping.

Sit comfortably and take three slow, deep breaths to cleanse your body. Slowly draw up the breath and fill your lungs completely and then slowly release the breath. I like to count while I do this, so I release the breath for the same count that I inhaled the breath too.

Now, close your eyes and just listen. What do you hear? Identify the noises you hear. Is it a bird or a dog? Do you hear the leaves moving in the wind? Just listen and notice every single thing you can hear. Maybe you hear the children next door playing or a car starting up. Listen closely and identify each sound you hear. You are in the moment, right now, this very moment. You hear what is happening right now. This is being mindful!

Next, you open your eyes and look around you. What do you see? I see a tree with very deep green leaves on it. Identify everything that you can see. Say the name of the item and what color it is. You are being right here in this very moment. Our minds tend to race through everything. Take your time to look at each thing individually and teach your mind to slow down. We miss so much of what is around us every day of our lives, because we are not in that very moment and seeing or hearing what is happening right then and there.

When you go to eat your next meal, be mindful! Slowly take a bite and really taste and feel the food. Notice the texture and flavors. Smell the food and identify each smell you notice. Savor the flavor of each bite.

Some people are very good at being mindful. Those are the people that can give a detailed description of someone, right down to the shoes they were wearing. I spent years training myself to not see people around me, so I could go to the store and not have panic attacks. Now, I could not tell you who was in the store and what they were wearing. When I was beat by a gang in my front yard, I could not identify any of them. I literally can go into a store and not notice a single person there. I did this to protect myself from my horrible panic attacks, but I also stripped away being mindful and in the moment.

Practicing being mindful helps us slow down our thoughts and focus on one thing at a time. You can expand on this by going one step further and paying attention to what you feel. Starting at your feet and slowly moving up through your body. What do you feel in your feet? Are the cold? Do they hurt? We can identify where a pain is coming from when we practice being mindful. Sometimes it feels like a pain is in a totally different place then where it really is coming from. Work your way slowly up through your entire body. Now you are being mindful of your body. After I do this at my head, I then explore the emotions I am feeling. I write down each emotion I can identify and then I try to figure out why I am feeling each one of those emotions. We often feel so many different emotions that it is hard to identify exactly what we are feeling and why.

It is simple to practice being mindful, yet we rarely ever do it. We are so rushed through our days and what we need to get done. Do it for yourself! Even if you can only find time for it once a week, give it a real shot! Being mindful also helps us experience happiness fully………….