Another screwed up weekend…

Let me start by saying I have finally experiences true love. I found a man that brings out the good in me and one who creates feelings I have never experienced before. I don’t want anything from him, I just want to do anything to make him happy and feel good. I never thought I would experience this. It really sucks when we are not together, but I am happy and smile every day because of him.

So, Saturday night, my daughter chose to leave with her son and go to a friends house and get drunk. She called me up drunk flipping out for me to come get her. I had Bennett drive me and my BF to get her, my grandson and my van. It took forever to find that place because getting direction from a drunk is impossible. Once we finally arrived there, we had to hunt for the keys to my van. I noticed her bra and shorts were off of her and in a box she brought over there filled with things for Keith to play with. I checked the shorts and found the keys. We got in the van, Kerry was in the back with my grandson and my BF was next to me. Kerry began to flip out that she could not find her phone and that I needed to turn around and go back and get her phone. I told her, “No! That if it was there I would message her brother to bring it home, since he stayed there for a bit after I left”. She continued to flip out. She slapped me in the face while I was driving. My BF had to stop her from hitting me more. As she continued to flip out, she said horrible things to me and the next thing I knew she had my hair in her hand and pulled it back so far my head was pulled all the way back, while I was driving. Then she continued to punch me over and over in the back of my Head. I ended up having to slam on the breaks while my BF tried to get her off of me and stop her from hitting me anymore. I skid a good 30 feet and then we stopped and smoke billowed out around he van. I had an instant headache from hell. I kept telling her to stop or I was going to call the cops. She refused, so I called the cops and told them to meet me at my house as I was in route there and she was beating me while I was driving. I made it home thanks to my BF and I went in the house to wait for the cops. My daughter had her son out front with her in the freezing cold. She was so drunk she just kept going on and on about stuff to her four year old child. The cops finally arrived, two of them in separate cars. The first one got out and began to talk to me, stating he remembers being called out to my house before (though it had been a long time since). He got my info and story and then went over and talked to my daughter. Now, I was always told if my kids laid a hand on me they would be immediately arrested. I wanted my daughter arrested and detained in the hopes it would get through to her. The damn cops did what they always do, told me I can’t kick her out without an eviction which costs $75. How the hell she did not get arrested is far beyond me. This is the only place I have ever lived where they let anything happen. I told them she was not coming back in my house after she beat me in the head. She ended up going to another friends house for the night. Of course, she said horrible shit to me and kept saying how Keith was her son and she would do what she wanted.

She messaged me the next day, wanting to come home and never once realizing it was all because of her and her need to be screwed up on something. That is how it always ends up. I told her no way was she coming back here. I talked to the cop next door and he told me I had no choice but to allow her to come here because she lived here, until I spent the money and waited the time to have her removed, but I could file for a warrant on her and go to court about her beating me. Needless to say, she ended up coming home. I told her that the use of my vehicle was strictly for work and her son and would not be used for any other purpose. If she touched any alcohol or drugs she would be tossed to the damn curb! She apologized and proceeded to act like nothing happened. Story of my damn life!

Then, this morning she came barging into my room to tell me she had to go to work, but she was called to get Keith from school because he was acting out. I told her oh well, it was her son and her problem. See, she is in love with her manager who is married, but he calls her and flirts with her, etc. all she cares about it going to work and seeing him, not her son. I have slept about three hours a night since Friday night too. I am done doing for her. Who the hell beats their own mother anyway. I’m tired of my hands being tied! i want to just go live in my van and get away from here! The only thing that has kept me going this weekend was my BF. I always put my kids first and they abuse me. All I can say is….. I AM SO DONE! Today is also her birthday and she turned 26 today. I always make her a cake, but I did not do it this year. To hell with this shit. I pay the mortgage here so they all have a roof over their heads, for what? My poor grandson is destine to have a horrible life because of her. Maybe his father should get him, he would surely be better off!

I probably would of taken my own life this weekend if I did not have the love of my life here with me to support me and help me. Things have to change and the only way they will happen is if I just leave and stop paying the mortgage. I have places to go, I just always stayed because of my grandson. Obviously this is a bad environment for him due to his mother. It may hurt him to be away from his mom, but he would surely be better off. I know I will be if that day ever does arrive. All I ever wanted was to have a normal and loving family. Guess that is out of the question………….

My BF and I on Friday at a Monster Truck Show…

When the Pain Began…

I will never forget the day….. November 15, 2010! I had just returned from a trip to the store and my son was telling me how the neighbor had been into an argument with three teenagers. I guess the neighbor was outside, drunk and peeing on the side of his house. The teenagers saw him and made verbal comments to him. Then the drunk neighbor back lashed at them and there was a verbal confrontation. The neighbor and a few of his buddies chased the teens down the street. Then, shortly thereafter, a pickup truck drove by and threw bottles at the neighbors house. I was standing in my driveway next to my car as my son told me all of this. Suddenly, two vehicles came down the road quickly, then slowed to a roll in front of my house. The neighbor who had the confrontation walked across the street and was standing in the road at the end of my driveway. The two vehicles parked in front of my other neighbors house right to the right of us. I told my husband to go in immediately and call 911! In an instant, there were over a dozen thugs storming down the street. My son walked towards the end of our driveway and in a blink of an eye, the “gang” attacked. They piled on the neighbor and my son. In seconds the neighbor was down and crawling away to hide in his house with all his buddies who started this mess! Then the entire “gang” of 13 males between the ages of 15-21, piled on my son in my front yard. I didn’t even think, I just went to the pile and tried to pull them off of him. I screamed the entire time telling them how I had cameras all over my house! There was one female and she was swinging a crow bar into my sons head. I pushed myself as deep as I could into the pile to try to block all I could of the hits to my son. I remember thinking, “wow, I am being hit a lot in my head and back”. Yet it did not hurt at that time. At one point I lost consciousness and woke seconds later noticing I had urinated myself. Then the pile moved, they were getting up. As I stood and turned around I noticed one of them in long dreadlocks holding a large shotgun and pointing it directly towards my son and myself. He pulled the trigger and I felt all over myself to see if I had been hit. I couldn’t feel anything at this time. A neighbor about three houses down came out and shot his gun in the air. The “gang” began to run back to their vehicles. The girl threw the crowbar in the road. So I went for it to give as evidence to the police. I heard footsteps stomping closer to me as I bent over to pick up the crow bar. I was slammed and dragged down the road, road rash! The thug grabbed the crow bar and jumped in the truck and they left. It took a few more minutes before the police showed up at my house. I showed them the video footage of all the had happened. They roped off the area when they found the shell casing from the shotgun. At one point an officer came in and asked us if we knew why one of the thugs had his head bashed in. That is when my sons girlfriend stated she had picked up a brick and threw it at one of them in hopes of getting some of them off of my son. Later on, the police denied ever saying this to us. Because they never arrested a single person! The police department is a giant joke here!

I immediately had severe pain in my neck, along with the road rash and bruising everywhere. I also become extremely terrified and felt very unsafe in my home. After a week I went to my doctor because the neck pain was so bad and would not stop. They did an MRI and said they only could find arthritis and Degenerative Disc Disease. That pain has never stopped. I was on low dose pain meds and I tried to deal with life with the pain. Then about six month later my lower back became a serious problem. The pain so intense and I was unable to walk at that time. Back in for more scans and the same findings. What they found in the neck was through my entire spine. Put me on stronger pain meds and muscle relaxers when I started pain management. I had a serious of a dozen injections throughout my spine over a course of four months. The most relief I received was for ten days. I, to this day, suffer from severe chronic pain in my lower back, tailbone, hips and neck. I have sciatica as well. The pinched off nerves have cause the middle toes on both of my feet to become completely numb. I get pain down my entire left leg as well. I also get horrible crushing headaches that seem to come from my neck. Now, almost three years later, I am on two heavy pain meds and muscle relaxers. I have found that every year in or around September the pain intensifies even more and I become unable to walk. I have obtained some form of stability in my chronic severe pain, but I still suffer from it every single day of my life. Some days are not too horrible and some days are horrendous! I have had to accept that I can NOT do things as I normally would. I have to find things I can do to occupy my mind away from the intense pain. I have to do things mostly in a sitting down position, although, sometimes it can’t even sit down and I am forced to lay in bed. In order to dust I have to only dust one thing for the day. I have to sit when possible and move very slowly. I have to take breaks often as well. Doing dishes or vacuuming are the worst for the level of pain. If I am forced to do them because others in the house are lazy, I do so sitting as much as possible and then end up in bed the rest of the day and even the next day. I spent a solid six month freaking out all the time and peering out my windows. PTSD they said. For a year I couldn’t sit outside at all. All of this on top of my already intense panic disorder with agoraphobia.

And here I am today, still struggling with the intense pain 24/7. Still in pain management hoping they will find something to make it stop. Accept, when I go to the appointments, they seem to just rush me in and out! What a life! This is what I have to look forward to? Until the day I die?