Think A Different Thought…

We all have certain beliefs, expectations, and patterns of thought about certain subjects that seem natural to us, because we have practiced those thoughts for so long. The number one reason it’s hard to get out of a rut or create change is because we keep thinking the same thoughts about a given subject. Jolt yourself out of an energy rut by forcing your mind to view things from a different, more favorable perspective, and then try to hold that new perspective for as long as possible.

Find the positive in the situation. When you realize you are sitting at home and feeling bored, change that feeling by focusing your attention onto something positive. It could be as simple as being grateful that you have a home to sit in. Or that you have the extra time in your life to feel bored. There is a positive in every single thing, you just have to move your focus onto that positive.

As they say, madness is doing the same thing and expecting different results. If you are wanting something to be different in your life, or just wanting to create some excitement, the change has to start with you first. There are no boring lives, only boring people. So if you want a different result, take a different action, even if it is small one.

If you find yourself with the time to be bored, you are a lucky person. So many people would give everything just to have a moments peace with nothing to do. How we look at our situation will impact how we feel over all.

A lot of times, when people want something or someone in their life to be different, they automatically start from a place of negativity and lackfulness, which undermines the change they are hoping to create. “I hate my job, I wish I had a different one” will continue to bring you more experiences that reinforce that same belief. A simple shift to, “I’m grateful for having a job and am in the process of creating an even better one” can be really impactful. This new statement puts you in a more powerful vibrational place of appreciation and hope rather than desperation. Always act as if what you want is already on its way to you and a part of your life already. What’s showing up in your life isn’t necessarily what you want. You’re simply getting a reflection of what you already believe about yourself and your world. A belief in lack only creates more lack. Creating change from a present place of appreciation and abundance is much more powerful than a feeling of lack.

This is where Affirmations are so important. Stating the things you want in your life as if they are already true. “I AM Happy!”

All of your power is exactly in the Now. The past and future are literally figments of our imagination. Tools for the mind to be able to string experiences together into a linear fashion. The Universe only understands now, now, now. Take advantage of the infinite potential that each moment holds when it is unclouded by regrets from the past and worries about the future. Remember, changing your energy vibration in the current moment is literally shaping your point of attraction for the future. So getting happy now is actually like making an investment in your future.

We cannot change things from the past so we do not need to waste our energy on them. We do not need to waste our energy on what might happen in the future. We need to focus on the here and now and create the beautiful life we have always dreamed of, by stating that we already have all those wonderful things.

Don’t ignore your intuition. 95% of the information we get from a person or situation is non-verbal in nature. Pay attention to how something or someone is making you feel. Your emotions are your guidance system and will never fail you, when you learn to quiet your mind and tune in. Your instinct will steer you in the right direction and help you create positive change if you learn to listen.

Meditation will help you learn to quiet your mind. How to breathe deeply and slowly and relax your entire body. I know my intuition has never been wrong. When I meet someone I quiet myself and just listen to what my gut tells me. If it tells me to stay away from that person, I listen.

The BOLD and Italic typing are my personal statements………….
Read more at http://www.beliefnet.com/Wellness/Personal-Growth/5-Simple-Steps-To-Creating-Change.aspx#UwO9iKOHjsrzzk2O.99

Adjusting To Being Back Home…

I discovered like so many spiritual practitioners before me that we can have all that what we normally expect from outer sources right now. Through meditation we can feel secure, no matter how much or how little money we have. We can feel loved whether we have a loving partner or not and we can actually feel deeply happy even if there is nothing special in our life that would normally bring us this feeling.
Read more at http://www.beliefnet.com/Wellness/Meditation/Why-Meditate.aspx#8lZR4gdWPv137WtZ.99

I encourage everyone to give meditation a shot. Back when I began the meditative journey I am on, I started with guided meditations on CD. After a while you get used to bringing yourself down to a meditative state and you will no longer need a guide to get you there. When I have a question, I can usually find the answer by meditating. It is very much like all answers are within our very own soul. Meditation brings up an all encompassing feeling of love that you cannot obtain from another person.

I remember back when I was actively meditating one hour every day in order to get ahold of my severe panic attacks. The first time I felt the true connection to spirit. In my meditation, I brought myself down to a very relaxed state, I noticed that I felt as if I was actually coming from my heart area of my body. Normally we all think and feel like we come from the mind area of the body. Right now, notice where you feel like your thoughts and being is coming from. For me, I always felt like I was coming from my head. In this meditation I suddenly felt like I was centered in my chest, as if my thoughts and my mind were there and not in my head. I felt a profound and deep feeling of peace and joy. I did not ever want to leave that feeling. That is when I realized that our spirit or soul is actually houses in the center of our chest and not our head where the brain is. The human mind or the EGO mind is in the head. Knowing this and feeling this, makes it easier to see when you are coming from your spirit or your EGO mind. Remember, all things coming from our spirit are of love and all things that come from the EGO mind are not love. There are only two feelings in life, either LoVE or not love.

It is much like our spirit is housed in the center of our human body and we have to find a way to always come from our spirit and not the human EGO mind. When you can feel the difference between the two, it becomes much easier to know what thoughts are spiritual and what thoughts are just a bored EGO mind. Then you can separate yourself from the EGO mind. This is a daily activity that will need to be done for all the days that the human body is here on this earthly plane. We are spirits living in a human body to experience life on earth. Our biggest obstacles are created by our EGO mind, not outside circumstances or people. How we react to things and how we talk to ourselves plays the huge roll in how we feel. It is almost as if we all have two people in the same body. One is loving and peaceful and the other one is negative and gets bored easily. I see my EGO mind as a spoiled child with constant negative thoughts. My spirit tries to soothe this child and teach it to think more positive thoughts. Sometimes the child throws huge temper tantrums and takes over. We just need to be able to see the separation of the two so we can remind ourselves that we are not that spoiled child, but rather the beautiful loving and peaceful spirit that resides in our hearts. We can choose to ignore the temper tantrums and pay closer attention to our loving thoughts instead.

Even the most experienced meditative being still has to battle the spoiled child within themselves. Though, over time, it does become easier to separate the two and keep your focus on the loving and peaceful spirit instead of the spoiled child………….

Day 21, Words Unspoken

One thing is for sure, I tend to way over think situations and create words that were never spoken. For instance, when I cannot seem to get ahold of someone I may begin to think things like: what is he doing? Why can’t he return my calls? I haven’t heard from him this entire day…. I am creating words that have no evidence of being true or real. Next, I play all kinds of possible situations that would be taking up his time and they are never positive ones. This causes a mountain of chaos within my mind and I find myself assuming that the possible situations are actually occurring. Later, I always find out that none of those things were actually happening.

So, how do I stop creating words that were never spoken? First off, I need to actively be aware of the thoughts that pop into my head. Then, I need to ask if these thoughts come from a loving and positive place or if they come from a fearful and negative place. If they are fearful and negative, then I know they are not my real thoughts, because only positive and loving thoughts are real and true to our hearts. Once we become aware that the thoughts are not coming from our heart, we can choose to view them as coming from someone else. We can see and hear these thoughts, just like we would if someone else was sitting with us and carrying on a conversation. They are not our thoughts so we can also choose to not take them personally.

I have found this to be very helpful in my quest to discover what is true and coming from love. After all, we create words and even play out situations that we think may be occurring, but are not. Why do we do this? Partly from how we were raised to react to things or what to expect in certain situation and partly from the years of our lives and what we have gone through.

When we were young and we witness something happen with our parents, this created a data base of how to react or think in those situations. In our years of life we may have experienced some horrible boyfriend/girlfriends in which we were deeply betrayed or hurt. Therefore, when we fear those situations may be happening again, we create the exact feelings and fears that we had when we went through them before, even if they are not real this time.

Just knowing this is a step in the right direction. Now we can see why we feel the way we do and we can view the negative thoughts as separate from ourselves. I have many daily goals. From being sure to take my medication on time to being attentive to any thoughts that pop up in my mind. Goals are important and we need them to accomplish things and to feel good about the things we do get done. Even if you just practice viewing your thoughts for a few moments a day, you will find that you can quickly notice which thoughts are positive ones and which thoughts are negative ones. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you………….

THE FOUR AGREEMENTS…

The Four Agreements — finding one’s own integrity, self-love, and peace within this reality.

Be impeccable with your word: is to use your Word in the direction of love and truth. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don’t Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Don’t make assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always do your best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

(Don Miguel Ángel Ruiz (born 1952), better known as Don Miguel Ruiz, is a Mexican author of Toltec spiritualist and neoshamanistic texts. His current most famous and influential work, The Four Agreements, was published in 1997 and has sold around 4 million copies. It was featured on the Oprah television show, and advocates personal freedom from agreements and beliefs that we have made with ourselves and others that are creating limitation and unhappiness in our lives. ~ source is Wikipedia.com)

Day 20, Giving Things Over to a Higher Power…

“To be happy, each of us must create meaning
and joy from the raw material of everyday life.”

~ How to Defend Against Emotional Muggers, Martha Beck

I was not raised with any form of religion. I had never been brought to church as a child. The only time I ever was in a church, was when I was young, for a wedding. In my teen years I was always connected to the earth and doing the right thing for nature. I have always felt a spiritual connection with a higher power. For the last 30 years I read about many religions and beliefs and I always felt that my connection with nature was right and It is for me.

I often wondered how to pray. I have read many blogs and scripture on this matter and I attempted to pray on several occasions. Then, yesterday as I was being swept over in all the emotional turmoil that I seem to always go through, I began to cry and I put my hands together and begged GOD to take away my mental problems and all the negativity and to fill my heart with only Love. I did not even think before I did this, it came purely from my heart. I wobbled and had trouble standing. Within seconds I felt like a great weight was lifted from me. I looked for my negative thoughts and couldn’t find them. I had never experienced anything like this in my entire life. I now understand all the things I read about when the time is right, you will experience the Love of GOD. In this moment, I finally let everything go to GOD without question. That was something I had never been able to fully do before.

I am very grateful to finally have experienced this and I feel a great desire to continue praying each and every day. It is so difficult to completely give up any form of control I have over things. I always held on somewhat and just couldn’t release it completely before. Every time I read others stories about when they finally felt connected to GOD, I always wondered how and if it would ever happen to me.

I worked very hard for my first two weeks here on my retreat and then I had a very emotional weekend when my grandmother in law passed away and I was not home to comfort my loved ones and missed the viewing and funeral. In the three days, I went through so much negative thinking and endless emotional pain. Then things eased up for me after I received much needed reassurance from my loved ones. Though, I kept having negative thoughts enter my mind out of no where! My break down yesterday was sudden and out of the blue. The release I felt once I let it all go to GOD was profound!

The day before this occurred, I had an epiphany. I realized how deep my love was for “B” and how I could not feel that kind of love without feeling the complete opposite of it. We can either feel all emotions or feel none and I do not ever want to not be able to feel that deep form of love, so I accept the bad with the good. I also realized that I needed to focus more on making him happy than trying to get the emotional and sexual things I wanted from him. That it would all fall into place once I let go of trying to control any of it and spent my energy on expressing my deep love instead. We argue a lot. Much of it would come from how forgetful he is and how I always felt ignored and not heard. We have to accept the ones we love as they are. We cannot change them, but we can change how we react to things. Once I expressed my deepest raw feelings to him, he offered up beautiful words that brought a loving smile to my face every time I read them.

When we were first together eight years ago, he would sing to me in the morning. He would sing the song, “Good Morning Beautiful” and a few days ago, while he was at his mothers for grandma’s funeral, he told me that his uncle had that song as his ring tone and every time he heard it he thought of me. Just hearing that from him lifted me up and love flowed through me. I suddenly missed him so badly I didn’t want to spend another second away from him. Amazing how simple words that express love and thought can transform how I feel. I won’t get to see him for another three days and I have found myself feeling very excited about seeing him and holding him again. I now have a beautiful thing to look forward to and I absolutely love how it feels. I had not felt this kind of excitement in sometime. As if my love was completely renewed just by the few things he had finally said to me. Actually, that love has always been there, but negativity and arguing got in the way of my ability to feel it.

I am determined to make this all work and for love and happiness to be the center of our time left on this earthly plane. I have the power to control how I react to things and how I say things. Everyone wants to feel like they are loved and desired. Reminding the one you love on a daily basis that they are loved and desired will and can go a very long way. We all want to feel good about ourselves and hear it from others too. I used to always build him up with my words and I had not done that in sometime. I see how getting back to building him up will create a flow of love in return from him again. I will immediately pray when I feel down or overwhelmed now. Pray for love to fill my heart and the negative thoughts to forever leave my mind. I know I can do this! I want to do this! I have never wanted to be with anyone else and I allowed the negativity in our lives to cloud my pure thoughts and feelings of love. When I find myself thinking negatively and feeling down, I will remind myself of all of this and I do have the power to change each and every negative thing………….

This photo is back from Thanksgiving of us…

Day 19, The EGO Mind…

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. We may never know the reason in some events, but sometimes we see the reason pretty quickly too.

For instance, you may have been delayed in arriving to your destination only to find out that if you were on a certain road when you had thought you would be there, you may of been involved in a deadly accident that occurred. Or, you find yourself extremely distressed over your spouse leaving you, but later you realize that you were saved many more years of heartache or abuse by not being with that person any longer.

We all have a path in life. Much like a tree with several branches. Our free will allows us to follow the path in a straight line or branch off onto side roads, but in the end we always arrive at our destination. When you are faced with a split in the road and you are unsure what road to take, ask yourself one thing. Which road comes from love and peace and which road has negativity and stress? Just taking a moment to pause and feel inside which road offers a good feeling and which one offers up a negative feeling, could also be beneficial. There are two things in the world. There is Love and there is Everything else.

We all have two mind sets. One is the EGO mind or the human mind and the other is our soul mind. The Soul Mind always comes from love and peace. The EGO Mind comes from negativity. When we think thoughts that are troubling, those are thoughts from our EGO mind. When we think loving thoughts, those are from our Soul mind. So, when you find yourself with troubling thoughts, ask yourself if they are loving or not. Then you know if they are real genuine thoughts from your soul or if they are just negative thoughts formed by the EGO mind. Just knowing this is beneficial. It may be difficult to stop the EGO mind and it’s negative thoughts, but when we know they are thoughts that are not coming from our Soul, we can remind ourselves that they are not our real thoughts, they are just the human mind trying to cause chaos. I like to say this, “These are not my thoughts and I Do Not accept them!”

Of course, sometimes we have to just allow the EGO mind to flow out and not fight the thoughts. Do NOT accept them as your own, but rather view them as a separate being. As if you are there to comfort your friend in her troubling time. Cry with her and be there for her, but always remind yourself that those thoughts are not coming from your true self. This is how we can work through troubling things that seem to keep coming up in our EGO mind.

I have spent many days or even weeks in my life struggling with negative thoughts over things that had not occurred and never did occur. It always seems to amaze me after the fact, how I wasted days on worry over something that never even happened.

I have three more days here at my parents house and then I am back home again. Today the weather is poor. It’s heavy clouds and rain, but not cold. The pressure must be low, because I can feel it in my head and body. I have two choices I can make. I can go to bed and try to sleep through the increased pain or I can get dressed and push through it the best I can. Neither choice is the right or wrong one. We have to choose what feels best for ourselves. Sometimes we need the extra rest and sometimes we need to push ourselves onward………….

I don’t normally wear lipstick , but I did in this photo. Not sure yet if I like it or not….lol!

Day 16, Focus on What You WANT…

Have you ever sat down and really thought about what it is you really want? I did this… I took my journal and my pen and wrote “WHAT I WANT”. When I really looked deep inside of myself, I found that it all boils down to three things: Peace, Love and Happiness!

I want to stop all things Negative. I want to replace all things negative with pure love and happiness. This sounds easy, but it is definitely a work in progress. Sometimes I find I can catch a negative thought quickly and I am able to replace it with a positive one. Yet, other times I find myself noticing the negative thought and trying my best to replace it, only for it to keep coming back up over and over in my mind. This is when I know I need to work much harder on this area.

I spend way too much time focusing on things I do not want instead of the things that I do want.
“Visualize this thing you want. See it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blueprint and begin.” Robert Collier

In order for us to fully enhance the quality of our life, and achieve at our peak, we must choose wisely in the way our attention is being focused. Life is defined on the notion that our mind is definitely going to find what we focus on. Now whether that is a blessing or a curse is entirely up to you, as you’re in total control of directing that energy. It becomes so frustrating when the experiences that we don’t want to keep showing up, constantly do. The reason they show themselves so often is because we are putting so much energy toward them.

When we focus on the things we don’t want, we get more of them. That uneasiness then begins to consume our reality. This may create a feeling of hopelessness, anger, and disappointment until other areas of our life suffer because of our inner turmoil. It’s quite obvious in everyday life. When you are feeling angry, everything outside will seem distorted and get under your skin. When you are irritated about something, everything will seem to irritate you. When you are happy, then everything seems great. It’s a law of life—there is no escaping it. We must learn to enhance our emotional fitness, and that comes from what we choose to focus on. When you continue to focus on what you want, your whole demeanor adapts to your desire. Body language, vocabulary, tone of voice, and even subconscious movements all shift to mold you into the person you need to be.

~http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/03/16/shift-your-focus/~

Depression is a rough thing to deal with. In a matter of seconds I have suddenly felt drained and feel the need to go lay down and rest. I am not going to focus in it, I am just going to take a nap. I will feel better when I get up and I will pick up where I left off here on focusing on what I want. Accepting that the mind is complex and sometimes we just need a break or we need to rest.

Somehow, some way, I will train my focus to stay in the positive and fixate on happiness. After all, happiness is a state of mind and a choice. May your day be filled with Love, Happiness and Peace………….

Day 15, Insecurity…

I have discovered that I am more able to catch negative thoughts than I was just a few short weeks ago. “B” is going up for his grandmas funeral and visitation. He leaves tonight and will be back on Wednesday. I noticed that his sister invited his ex girlfriend to attend the visitation and funeral. Immediately I felt very insecure. I noticed this right away. Tears filled my eyes and worry over took my thoughts. I had to remind myself that no matter what I say or do, I cannot control others and I only had control over myself. So, I told “B” that I loved him and I trusted him and I will always be here for him.

I then had to have a long self talk session with myself. Worrying about what could or might happen does nothing for the situation, it only upsets me. I AM a beautiful and loving being. All things come from Love. I AM at Peace. I AM Strong & Resilient! I took in three slow cleansing breaths and allowed the negativity to flow out of me. I feel much better now. Knowing that we can NOT control anyone but ourselves is the key to flowing through negativity and coming out positive.

In six more days I will reach the 21 day mark. It takes 21 days to form a habit. I have already noticed things becoming easier for me. For one, noticing the negative issues has become quick. Then, taking the steps needed to acknowledge the negative thoughts, but then replace them with positive ones. Reminding myself that I can only control myself and that I choose happiness and peace over stress and worry. This is very much like I am talking to my best friend. Because I am my own best friend. I am here for me and I am willing to do what ever I can to comfort myself and get myself on a positive track in this life.

Today I am going to a place called E.A.R.S. It is a wild animal rescue place with lions, tigers and bears, etc. there is a chance of rain today and this event had to be scheduled in advance. You can only go in during guided tours of the place and you have to get a day membership. I am looking forward to seeing the animals and hopefully I will be able to get some good pictures to share.

Today, my pain levels seem to be back to a more normal amount of pain, which is still pretty high, but I can tolerate this level much better than what it has been over the last several days. I allowed myself to rest and I spent two days pretty much in bed, but my body needed that and it was the most comfortable place for me to be. I am going to take my time getting ready and go with the flow of things. We leave in three hours.

It is cloudy out today, but the temperature is very comfortable. Find the positive in everything. Sometimes the oboist ivy is hard to find, but it is there, we just have to dig deep enough to uncover it………….

Day 14, Loosing A Loved One…

“A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” ~Patricia Neal

“If you find yourself getting nervous stop and relax for
three full breaths. Then take one small step, then another.
That is how people get to the top of Everest.”
~ News from Martha, November 2008

Today, the world lost a beautiful soul, Etta. “B” lost his grandma today. She raised him and was more his mother than his grand mother. I loved her very much. She was the one person in that entire family that was sweet, loving and caring. She smiled so brightly when ever she saw me and she gave the warmest hugs.

I woke this morning to a message from B saying to please call him as soon as I received the message. I immediately felt ill and my mind went to all the horrible things it could be about. I had to remind myself to stop and take three slow and deep breaths and not create possibilities in my mind. Once I regained control of my thoughts, I called him. Then I learned that his grandma had passed away in the night.

My heart aches for “B” and for the fact I will never see “Etta” again on this earthly plane. She is free from pain and suffering now and she is with her other loved ones who left before her. I know her husband was there waiting for her with open arms.

Knowing these things, does not make it less painful. I had to remind myself to allow the sadness and loss to be felt instead of trying to push it down. I then cried for a while. We have to allow ourselves to feel the loss or we do not deal with it. I have allowed myself to deal with many losses in my life, but there is one that I still have not found the way to deal with fully. That is the loss of my son, Keith.

I lost my precious Nana, a friend and I lost my sister prior to the loss of my son. My son will always and forever be a deep hole within my heart. One thing at a time though. I feel like I should be there for B and I am struggling with what is the right thing to do. If he wants me there with him all he has to do is ask, but I doubt he will. Do I leave my retreat a week early and be there for him? Or do I allow him to ask, if he so desires, and stay where I am? Will he find comfort in someone else’s arms? I can not allow those thoughts to enter my mind. Maybe he needs this private time with just his family. After all, I cannot change any of it. I shall allow him to make the choices and I will stand by him in what ever he does choose.

The last two days have been intensely painful days for me. I have spent most of my time laying in bed, where the pain is at its least amount. Today is another super pain day, so I shall be gentle to myself and allow another day of lounging in bed. I need to be gentle, because I want desperately to feel better tomorrow so I can go to the wild animal sanctuary. Today, while relaxing, I will take myself on a meditative journey where I focus on easing my pain and concentrate on feeling my best for tomorrow. I passed up going out for lunch yesterday, due to the pain. That alone says very much about how bad of a state I have been in. Today is very warm, cloudy and storms on their way in. Today, needs to be a body, mind and soul relaxation and healing day………….

Picture of “Grandma”, Etta Church…

Day 12, Trip to the Butterfly Museum…

Yesterday, my mother and I went to the Butterfly Museum and Gardens. That was a beautiful place. A large enclosed room with tropical plants, hundreds of different butterflies, birds, lizards and waterfalls.

I did very well and walked slowly through the beauty of the place. Then, we walked through a wolf exhibit and through an area on Florida’s Native Americans who originated here. I was having a great deal of pain at this point so I went to the bathroom to take my medications. I was late on taking them though. The Butterfly room was having their daily release of the newly emerged butterflies at 2:00pm, so we went back there. I did pretty well for about a total of two hours of this entire trip.

I sat on a very hard bench through this, due to my pain levels, I had to sit down. The place became packed with people. Not only did I have to deal with increased pain levels, but now I was engulfed in the panic of way too many people packed around me. By the time my mother could get back to me, I was in a world of hurt. I attempted to walk through to the other side to exit and I could not make it. My mother asked for us to be able to leave through the entrance and they helped us out. My mother found a wheel chair on the other side of the door and had me sit in it. A man yelled that we couldn’t use it because it was for emergencies only. My mom told him this was an emergency and they went to retrieve me another wheel chair. I began to ball my eyes out. I was completely embarrassed and in so much pain all I could do was wish death would come to me immediately. When they arrived with a different wheel chair, it was hard and had no padding. I had to hold the left side of my body up off of it while my mother wheeled me out of the building. I covered my face with my free hand and tried to pretend there were not a ton of people starring at me. She parked me out front while she went and got the car and I moved to the bench instead of the hard bar for a seat in the wheel chair. We stopped and grabbed a small bite to eat and a drink so I could take additional medications and by the time we arrived back home I was doing much better.

The over whelming amount of negative thoughts that flowed through my mind caught me very off guard. As if all the work I have done on being positive was thrown completely out the window. I was able to get back to the positive thoughts after the intense pain levels went back down to the normal pain levels though. During that time of immense pain and uncontrollable negative thinking I felt so lost and very hopeless. I do not want to give up and not be able to do things that get me out of the house and in nature or beauty. I need to find a way to live life and enjoy things, despite the pain! I went down the list of what I could of done differently to save myself the amount of pain I ended up in. I should of taken my medications on schedule and not allowed myself to push them back. I know I do not do well if I have to sit on hard surfaces, so I guess I should of brought a pillow? I know I cannot be walking around much even though I go slowly and take my time, so I needed to limit that more.

While in the midst of the pain and I was so overcome by it all, I had no control over my own thoughts. The negativity jumped front and center and took over. I repeated to myself, “Everything is OK!” “This will pass!” And yet the negativity just kept going on and on. Now that it is all over, I am able to see positive thoughts and look back on the situation with learning in mind. I just wish I could find a way to stop the negative thoughts from coming front and center when I am overwhelmed in so much pain. Maybe I need to focus more on accepting them and releasing them than actually stopping them. Like, “it is ok to think that in this situation, but I am going to choose a more positive thought instead.” I do believe that is going to be one of the biggest obstacles for me to over come………….