My soon to be EX has been gone for 3 1/2 weeks now. It has been wonderful not having his negativity and pissy attitude in the house. Believe it or not, he actually tried to get me to meet him somewhere for sex. Really!?! I have not even had sex since my surgeries and I am frankly pretty scared of it hurting. Many woman have stated it hurt for several times after a hysterectomy where they remove the cervix and have to stitch it closed. They also stated that the length of your vagina is shortened so a long penis would also be painful. Long sucks anyway, what is great is a thick one! I have been thinking a lot about sex and I know I have to check to see if it hurts before I even attempt to do it with anyone. It has been 9 weeks since my last surgery this Monday that just passed.
Lately, I have been really tired often. I did way too much over the last two weeks trying to get through all the stuff in the big shed, the small shed, the shed attached to the house and the attic. I am having a yard sale this Saturday. I had to spend several days resting because I ended up in too much pain. I am still feeling very tired and my pain levels are up. My meds are not helping much at all.
I decided to join an online dating site. My daughter uses POF so I signed up for that one since it’s free to message, etc. I had lots of men hit on me there, but they mostly seemed to be after sex. I am looking for a man that fits with my morals and doesn’t lie. Which is a very hard thing to find. I have been married here times and I never held out for the right man that fit with me well. I don’t want to be with an alcoholic or a liar or a cheater. I want someone I can talk to and shares in my morals. I have never stole a thing in my life and I think everyone needs to treat the earth better. I talk to men that seems like they may fit according to their profile and then after talking a while I will meet them. I have met three men so far, because most men don’t even get to the stage of talking. They are alcoholics or liars or something else. One man, I quickly discovered he lied often and he had a drug problem. Another one I met and he came on so strong I knew all he wanted was sex, so no to that one too. However, I have met one man that fits with my morals, doesn’t seem to be a liar and I enjoy time with him. I have went out with him twice so far and we talk daily. He does seem to have some OCD issues and he is always going. I keep waiting to find out what is bad about him, since that is always what happens. It is so depressing. This man doesn’t seem to put forth much effort, which I don’t like. I was messaging him every day, so I stopped and after two days he messaged me. I want a man to court me like they would in the old days. I have NEVER had that! I do not want to ever live with a man again,but I would like to have a relationship where we were only with each other and we did things together. I really like having my bed and bathroom to myself! Maybe one day I will find the right guy and he will will be loving and attentive towards me.
So, that’s what’s been going on with me for the last few weeks. When I get the yard sale done, I will work on the Halloween props that need repair. After Halloween I will scrub all the baseboards and paint them, then the doors. The list is endless of things that need to be done here! My daughter is trying to find a job to help cover the utility bills. That’s all my ex even paid here, was three utility bills, yet he tells everyone that he paid all the bills here. I have always paid the biggest bill, the mortgage, and he has NEVER paid all the bills, but I did for a few years when he didn’t work. Makes me sick how much he lies. No one likes him and he has been trying to find people to do things with him. I married an unattractive man thinking he would never cheat. Guess it doesn’t matter what they look like! I’m totally done with marriage, three strikes and your out! I put my all into the marriages and they wouldn’t even try!
Wish me lots of luck for my future. I have been struggling with some serious depression every night. I am still swollen in my abdomen from doing too much too,so I feel fat…lol!