UGH…….

I have had the stent in since last Friday. The stent itself doesn’t bother me much but I have had some sharp bladder pains. I see the doctor tomorrow morning.

Last night I woke every hour to chunks of the hematoma coming out of me and having to go to the bathroom and change the Depends underwear I have to wear. I also had a lot of fluid and blood coming out from midnight until noon and went through six depends that fast. I feel like I can’t mentally take any of this anymore. I have had re major crying spells feeling like I have no life and I am going to snap, which must be due to hormones.

I am 30 days post OP for a radical Hysterectomy which then I got ill and ended up hospitalized and then found out I have a hole in my vaginal cuff, a serious infection and a hole in my right ureter. Enough is enough and I need to see some improvements! I have zero life. Rest and take it easy. Bored to death and sick of this damn house. I have gotten an appetite back in the last two days though and actually had a BM two days in a row, for the first time since my surgery.

I am on two antibiotics and one of them leaves a nasty taste in my mouth all the time. I finish them on Saturday, which will be two weeks of taking them. I am sick of it all damn it!

I will ask the doctor about hormones tomorrow too. I need more than anything for the stuff flowing out of me to slow down and stop. Living in Depends underwear for women since Tuesday July 15th has gotten to me! Not getting much sleep has gotten to me! Having pain in my bladder and very low back has really gotten to me! It feels like everything crappy that can happen, always happens to me. If I could go back I would not have this surgery and just live the rest of my life in the pain.

I do everything I can to keep my mind busy. I read, email, Facebook and play two different games on my IPad. I watch TV or movies. It’s just been too long with no improvements. It’s bad enough to deal with depressed and anxiety and chronic pain every day of your life, then all of this has just been way more than I can take. I have been tortured so many times between the surgery and being left in pain until I had a full blown panic attack to the drain tube being out I my low abdomen while conscious and then the tube put in my back and then taken out and a stent put in! I’m done! Something has to give…

Every time I lay down I do a healing meditation and I focus on the three major areas. The hematoma to get out of me, the hole in my ureter to heal and the hole in my vaginal cuff to heal. None of which can heal as long as fluid is constantly flowing out of it! I am terrified of having to have another surgery too! Please, send me prayer for healing and recovery, I need them so badly………….

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