I Just Want One Day of Peace…

When I thought today would at the least be calm, boy was I wrong! I dropped my daughter off at her job and on the way home I filled the gas tank, thanks to my parents. My son started in on me as soon as I got home. He was saying that he is not watching my grandson for less than $3/hr and how my daughter doesn’t deserve to work, but needs to be at home taking care of her kid. I told him how it saves me stress if she works by her being able to purchase the things he needs and by her not being here all the time to yell and cause drama. I begged him to leave me out of it and to talk to her himself. He refused! He then was hollering how it was my place to speak to her about it, when prior to this he wanted me to keep my nose out of it all. I decided a few days ago to stay completely out of it to save myself the added drama and stress. No matter what I do or don’t do, it is wrong! He said he was not going to stop until she was gone from this house…

Ugh… Needless to say I have had horrible pain all day where it feels like my entire pelvis is crushing me to death. Warning, some TMI info coming up…
I had a very long period and then did not bleed for ten days and now I have been heavy spotting every day since. The surgery needs to be scheduled quickly to stop this madness!

So, in a few minutes I have to get my daughter from work and tell her what my son said. Then I get to hear her complain loudly all the way home in the car, which I am sure will include cussing. Then when we get home I am willing to bet there will be a huge fight between both of them. She had told me before that if we all couldn’t figure out how to watch her son then she was taking him and going back up north. I fear for my grandson in that situation. She does not care for him enough by herself and she gets very angry and even pushed him down before. If only his father would come get him and go to his grandfathers house, then I would know he was well cared for and safe. This stress is surely going to kill me. All the while I am supposed to be calming myself and preparing for surgery. I am trying to do that and my adult kids just will not allow me the peace to accomplish it!

Honestly, I wish most of the time now, that I won’t wake up from that surgery. Actually, I say, “If I will not be pain free after this surgery, go ahead and take me back home where I can see my son and sister again!”

I wish I had a magical godmother that would come here and out her foot down and get through to these selfish adults in this house. About how they must grow up and be mature, responsible and have a heart towards their mother. Otherwise, there is the damn door, use it!

I need someone with me for the first two weeks after my surgery and definitely during my hospital stay. There are four other adults here. I wonder who, if any, will stand up and be caring toward me at that time! What I would give to be able to have the surgery at my parents place and recover there. It is peaceful and loving………….

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7 thoughts on “I Just Want One Day of Peace…

  1. Grainne says:

    I wish you could have surgery at your parents house too. Any way you can recover there?! Might be worth the trouble. I hate the thought of you lying there in pain while they fight around and ignore you. 😦 xx

    • I can’t go there, the 7 hour trip is not advices after major surgery and I would probably not be able to handle the amount of pain that rude would incur. Plus I have follow up visits and if the growth tests positive for cancer I will have to start chemo three weeks after my surgery. I should find out the surgery date this Thursday.

      It have been hell trying to get up and then trying to drive my daughter to and from work, listen to the crap here at home and get me to all my appointments and juggle prescription refills that most have to be physically picked up at the doctors office and hand delivered to the pharmacy! Driving causes an increase in pain! I has issues with anxiety and panic while driving as well. If I could just have one damn thing in my life that is peaceful and calm, it would help.

      • Grainne says:

        I wish I coudl come and take care of you through this horrible time you’re going through. I wish I could drive you around and help you through it all. If you can write, write me. I’ll watch for your email and I’ll respond asap. At the very least, I can cheer you on from here. (hugs hugs hugs)

      • Thank you so much for always being here for me!

  2. goalgirl46 says:

    has your son ever heard of respect your parent and do as your told. Dang !! This is ridiculous everything you have to deal with. I pray for you each day and I really wish you could get some relief mentally and physically. when you are stressed out everyday it will make your chronic pain worse than normal.

    • Thank you for the daily prayers, much needed!
      Every day I start out new and push myself to a more peaceful place before I ever step out of my room and be around anyone else. So far, every single day, I am faced with one of them being in a horrible mood and being down right nasty to me, until I am finally in a foul mood as well. I know first hand that the stress makes my pain worse. I did so well when I was at my parents house for three weeks. The environment was peaceful and loving. I was able to think clearly and follow a plan every day. Today, I found myself feeling very confused and unable to focus. This is due to the nasty attitude toward me. I just don’t understand it. Why can’t they all see that I am in desperate need of support and loving people in my life. My two adult living children and my significant other, all cause me so much turmoil and stress. I have no way to change this right now, so I am stuck as things are. I will find a way to get through my surgery and my recovery and then I will have too make the final decisions to better my life…. Do, please keep the prayers coming for me, they are very appreciated!

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