Pain… Stress… Worry…

I am having a rough go of things lately. I still hold on to my Affirmations and positive thoughts, but the stress and worry over my health has become a big issue lately. My daughter is also back in with the wrong people and drugs so that adds a lot of stress and worry to my plate.

I have been thinking way to much about the cysts on my ovaries and how the one on the left is very large and pushing my uterus over to the side. I know no matter what the cysts are I will have to have the left one removed, as it is causing many problems. If it is too big they will not be able to remove it through a scope and I much prefer the scope over a large incision which would require way more time to heal and recover from.

I know that if the cysts are cancer I will have to have a complete hysterectomy and start chemo treatment. I fear chemo because I can’t handle the nausea and vomiting associated with that. I know I am getting ahead of myself, because I do not know if they are cancer yet. I only know that I have had signs for over a year that something is very wrong in my body and the weight loss alone has pointed to cancer. So, yes, I am fearful, worried and scared. I know this does not help me and worrying over something I do not have answers to yet is just causing me more problems. So, I have been working hard on not allowing it to consume my thoughts. I had a full day where I broke down over it all, but I think I have it in better control now.

A few years ago my daughter was on Meth and it was with the guy that lived down the street and made the stuff. He has been in prison, but he got out a little over a week ago and he immediately began bugging my daughter. I have caught her in lies and last night she snuck out of the house. I knew she was at his house because one of my cats follows us when we go somewhere and she was sitting in his driveway. I messaged my daughter that I couldn’t deal with her crap again and she had choices to make. She returned home high on something, I am pretty sure it’s meth. She had been drinking, which she does every night, but she had the hyped up energy and she spilled a long story out to me which I knew immediately was all lies. She is acting like she did when she was on the meth before and I just cannot deal with that again! It is only a matter of time now before she takes off or I have to toss her out again. She has psychotic outbursts and she screams at her son like a demon. My grandson has major behavioral issues and I spent over a year getting him to act better and in a matter of three months all my work has been tossed out of the window. He is very bad!

2 thoughts on “Pain… Stress… Worry…

  1. Grainne says:

    Oh wow do you ever have a lot going on. :(. I know it’s really hard to do but try not to panic over your health. I know things have been bad for you but cancer worries are more than you need until you know for sure what is happening inside you. Xoxo

    Your girl. I’m so sorry this is all happening again. Meth is a vicious drug that rarely has a good outcome. I’m scared for your daughter and her son an I know you must be beside yourself with worry, anger and fear. What I’m going to day almost goes against what I believe but…. You can only spend so much of yourself on saving her from herself. I know you love her and your grandson and you do a lot to make sure he’s safe but you have to think of you too.

    Is there anyone anywhere who might be willing to gels and take your grandson for the summer, if not longer? Family somewhere? She needs to get her for sorted and it really shouldn’t be at your expense. God. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’d do in your shoes. :(. I wish there was an easier solution somehow.

    Keep in touch my friend. I’m wishing for easier days ahead for you all.

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