Lately, I have been waking every day with the same song in my head. Little Black Submarines by The black Keys. The verse going over and over in my head, “A Broken Heart is Blind!” Through out my life I have had song lyrics stick in my mind like this and when I would sit back and look at the lyrics I would see how they played a huge role in what was occurring in my life. I have yet again, found myself with a broken heart. In the past, I would blindly go in search of someone to fill up the cracks in my heart. This is where I always went wrong! Never allowing myself to be alone and fearing life alone. I know I Must give myself a life of just me. I have to face the fear that has always been there and step forward into life with only Me, Myself and I. No more trying to find happiness in the arms of another! This doesn’t work! It is temporary…..
I know, just as surely as I am alive, that is cannot continue on this path! I Have to find happiness inside of myself, which cannot be done by throwing myself into the arms of yet another man. Nope, I have to stand tall and be here for Me. I have to look fear in the eyes and say, “Be Gone!” I have always wanted to be courted by a man and I have NEVER had this occur. All the water years I have spent trying to find happiness through another person, when it is impossible to find happiness outside of yourself. Even knowing all this to be true, the tears flood my eye sight and I ache for a life I always wanted at the same time as I ache for the life I know I have to leave.
You cannot change another person and you cannot make them treat you the way you want to be treated. If you know nothing else, just know that to be very true! You will spend years trying to get what you want out of someone else, which is impossible. I am 44 years old and I have wasted my entire life in misery, instead of standing tall and facing my fears. Learning to be happy with just yourself is the biggest lesson I need to achieve! I know the steps to take and how to work through the inevitable fear I will be faced with, yet I still feel like a little girl being scolded for even thinking about taking my own life into my own hands.
Your life is YOUR life! What you do with it is your choice. What we allow to happen is our choice. I choose to no longer live in negativity and fear! I choose to find the way to live a happy life with only myself…..