Today I thought much about my family. My brother, sisters and parents. The only one out of them all that checks on me and asks how I am doing is my mother. Even my children, whom live here with me and are adults, never ask how I am feeling. So,entires I feel so alone and deep in despair, that just a simple question, like “how are you doing?” Could help pull me from the depths of darkness. Yes, it would be nice. But, I cannot change how other people are. I can only change myself. So, I asked myself, “How are you doing?” And you know what I replied…… I am hanging in there. Sometimes I get so tired of so much pain and I isolate myself most of the time to avoid negative words and behaviors of others. I often feel alone, but I know I am not alone. I can only do what I can with every minute that is given to me…….. This surprised me, because I figured my reply would be all kind you negative about how much pain I have to suffer with every day.
Earlier today I was extremely down and I just could not think of a single thing I could do in order to occupy my mind away from the pain and depression. I sat on the edge of my bed for a long time with my head hung low. Then I went outside and started doodling on a piece of paper. After a while I noticed that I must of been doodling for some time and that I had stopped focusing on my pain. Sometimes it is so difficult to find one thing to take your mind away from the suffering. I wanted so badly to go to bed and sleep all day. I even tried to do this, but my medications for the pain keep me wide awake. I just wanted to relax and rest and sleep instead of having to be awake and deal with so much. I made it though, now it is time for me to go to bed and I feel my eyes getting heavy. Now I will be able to sleep for a few hours and it will be so peaceful….