Abandonment Issues…..

My whole life I have feared being abandoned. Well before I ever was abandoned by anyone. I have always felt and known things. As a child, I firmly believed in the after life and reincarnation and so on…. So much so, that after years some of my siblings and even my mother believed in it as well. My gut has never been wrong. In my early teens, I wondered why I always feared being abandoned, when no one had ever abandoned me in my life. Then in 2006, I was abandoned for the first time. My then husband left and we lost everything that I spent years working for. I can see why someone would fear that, once it has happened to them. So why have I fear abandonment my whole life then? Was it my gut telling me that it would come to pass one day? My gut has never steered me wrong, but I sure could of used all those years prior, not worrying about what was going to happen when I was 36/37 years old. Since the first encounter of abandonment, I have had it happen again. Though, my husband this time did come back. What am I supposed to learn from this? We repeat things in our lives until we learn from them! I fear being alone and have made some poor choices in my life in order to not be alone. Maybe that is what I am supposed to learn…….

Ever since the birth of my first child, I have had some serious emotions. I started crying to commercials and movies, etc. I am that way to this day! I even cried to an episode of The Simpsons once. Earlier this evening I watched the most recent episode of the new show,” Witches of East Wind” and it brought back a lot of abandonment issues for me. Thinking about how it felt when I was abandoned! Tears quickly filled my eyes. I found myself feeling all the emotions as if it had just happened to me, again. I had thought I had dealt with it all and moved on with life in that area, but I obviously still have issues with it, otherwise, I would not break down like I did. I wish there was a book somewhere that told you how to deal with things that happen to you…

They tell me I have never dealt with my sons death. How do I deal with that? Where does it list the steps that you take to deal with things that greatly affect you? When my son died, I looked for information on the stages of grief. Well, it was a few weeks after he died. I wanted to know what the heck was happening to me. We all experience the stages of grief, though some experience it in a different order and time…… The Five Stages of Grief and loss: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

Denial: Usually our first reaction to the loss of something we’re attached to, is denial. Denial is a response to the shock or disbelief of an event and is commonly employed as a coping mechanism.

Anger: This stage of grief is probably the cause of the most pain from grief. Anger can cause deep and sometimes permanent wounds that are totally unnecessary.

Bargaining: This is as strange a grief behavior as Denial. It’s where we try to make deals to gain back what we lost. In the cycle of dealing with grief, bargaining can occur before or after a loss. It is characterized by guilt, “What if” and “If only” statements and entertaining the idea that the loss can be changed or avoided.

Depression: A psychological side effect of loss is depression. Depression can be characterized by having sleeping troubles a loss of appetite, mood fluctuations or sadness

Acceptance: Accepting the loss is the final stage, and it indicates that you have come to the end of the mourning period. You will know that the grieving process is over, once you have worked through the associated emotional pain, have adjusted to differences, and moved on with your life.

You can find more information at http://www.livestrong.com/article/158796-explain-the-five-stages-of-the-grieving-process/

I thought I had accepted it all, but I guess I do not know how to actually do that. I know my son is gone and I won’t see him again until I also cross over. The stages of Grief are not only for when someone dies, but when you loose anything. It could be your job or your marriage. The closer your are and the deeper you love the person or place or even thing, the harder that loss is.

Any possitive comments are welcome.

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