For the first time in eight years, my family will all be here together for Christmas! My daughter is coming on Monday and I am very excited to see her! Unfortunately, the negative person of this household is going to flip his lid. I can hear it now…. He will threaten to leave or he may actually leave (he did it to me four years ago)! Now I am consumed in worry and fear of what he will say and do. Instead of being able to be happy about it. As if I don’t have enough to deal with already in my life. SMH!
I want so badly for everyone to be together and get along. My daughter does have a history of causing drama, though She really needs to be here taking care of her son. I am left with so much burden and anxiety when everyone here can’t seem to just take care of things, even making sure my grandson is served lunch. They all let it fall on me, even when I am in bed in enormous pain! I see this as a good thing, her coming home. No one will have to take turns getting up with my grandson and I won’t have to worry that he is taken care of. I won’t hear anymore complaining about how someone has to do something, but they can’t because they have to watch him. She will take the time to potty train him, unlike anyone here has. I can’t do all the things I used to be able to do and I accept that now, but I also can’t go on with all the stress and extra crap because no one else here is grown up enough to take care of things. Ok, I guess I just convinced myself…..
It is so very sad, that I have to endure so much negativity from people here in my life that are supposed to love me and want the best for me. I am worried and concerned about the possibility of my pain being caused by cancer. I feel alone and isolated. The fact I have lost so much weight without starving myself or being able to exercise, along with the amount of unbearable pain I am having to live with…. That makes me very worried. I do not want cancer, but I do want to know what the heck is causing this intense and unrelenting pain, that has been spreading and amplifying. And I want it to be something that can be fixed, so I do not have to spend the rest of my life is this hell! I am referring to the tailbone portion of this pain. I have two lumps that have grown in size and the pain has grown higher as the lumps have grown larger. I can no longer sit anywhere and not be in a load of pain. I NEED Peace, Calm, Love and Understanding so very badly now……..