Trying to keep my mind occupied…

I have found that my pain is more tolerable when I keep my mind busy. Sometimes I do crafts or clean what I can thoroughly. I can’t stand very long. Bending or pushing and pulling causes my pain to flare up. So, vacuuming is very hard, expect I can do the hard floors cause there is no push or pull stress on them. Even sitting can be intolerable. Especially if something touches my tailbone. I am most comfortable sitting on very squishy seats. I have to sit up right with pillows behind me and under me to cradle my lower back and tailbone. My neck is a constant source of pain as well. Not much can be done to cradle it. I do stretching exercises multiple times a day and I use an herbal heat pack I made that I heat in the microwave for 90 seconds. It takes me a vary long time to do anything due to the pain. Having to move and adjust myself and even lay down when it gets to be just too much. I gave my adult son the chore of vacuuming daily, but he just can’t seem to do it every day. The kitchen seems to be a disaster often. I clean it up when I can do it, from a sitting position. Sometimes I just feel like nothing would ever be done if not for me. Which causes me to feel pretty depressed. Pushing myself too much also drags me down in pain and depression. So, for about two hours after my pain medication I can do a craft or get something done around the house. I try to do what I can because it occupies my mind. When my mind is busy, I don’t feel dragged down with depression or the pain. For a while I was working on beaded things. Like dragonflies and spiders, then jewelry and such. After a few months of that I became bored with it and had to find something else to focus on. I just spent an hour cleaning up around the house, now I hurt so bad I want to cry!!!

    It is so hot and humid here that going outside is rare for me. The heat just sucks the life out of me. Makes me feel all kinds of sick! I love the fall, the weather is perfect then and my favorite thing is to prepare for Halloween. We do a haunted walk to the back of my house for the kids to gets scared and get their candy. I get all kinds of compliments for doing it. They always say no one does that stuff anymore. Unfortunately, the fall also seems to be when I end up unable to walk every year and have to be in a wheelchair! I’m praying that doesn’t happen this year. I have a combination of medications that actually help me now, so I pray deeply, that I will not be in the wheelchair again!

    At night, when my three year old grandson goes to bed, I read. It’s the only time I can sit quietly and read. He doesn’t let me read during the day and he just will not go to sleep for a nap ever. He is my daughters child, but he lives with me and she is in Illinois living her own life. I love him to death, but he is a he source of stress. Stress is the biggest problem in my life. It increases my pain and my depression. Who doesn’t get depressed when they live life 24/7 in pain? If I could just find a way to be stress free and keep my mind occupied, I think I would be in a much better place over all. It is like I need quiet time for myself, especially of rather hours between medication doses when my pain is full force! Don’t get me wrong, I do not want any of the people in my life to not be here. I just need quiet time several times a day.

    And so here I am, super severe pain engulfing my being, wishing I could just find a position to offer me some relief…. Any relief…. Oh this nightmare has to end someday, right?

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