UGH…….

I have had the stent in since last Friday. The stent itself doesn’t bother me much but I have had some sharp bladder pains. I see the doctor tomorrow morning.

Last night I woke every hour to chunks of the hematoma coming out of me and having to go to the bathroom and change the Depends underwear I have to wear. I also had a lot of fluid and blood coming out from midnight until noon and went through six depends that fast. I feel like I can’t mentally take any of this anymore. I have had re major crying spells feeling like I have no life and I am going to snap, which must be due to hormones.

I am 30 days post OP for a radical Hysterectomy which then I got ill and ended up hospitalized and then found out I have a hole in my vaginal cuff, a serious infection and a hole in my right ureter. Enough is enough and I need to see some improvements! I have zero life. Rest and take it easy. Bored to death and sick of this damn house. I have gotten an appetite back in the last two days though and actually had a BM two days in a row, for the first time since my surgery.

I am on two antibiotics and one of them leaves a nasty taste in my mouth all the time. I finish them on Saturday, which will be two weeks of taking them. I am sick of it all damn it!

I will ask the doctor about hormones tomorrow too. I need more than anything for the stuff flowing out of me to slow down and stop. Living in Depends underwear for women since Tuesday July 15th has gotten to me! Not getting much sleep has gotten to me! Having pain in my bladder and very low back has really gotten to me! It feels like everything crappy that can happen, always happens to me. If I could go back I would not have this surgery and just live the rest of my life in the pain.

I do everything I can to keep my mind busy. I read, email, Facebook and play two different games on my IPad. I watch TV or movies. It’s just been too long with no improvements. It’s bad enough to deal with depressed and anxiety and chronic pain every day of your life, then all of this has just been way more than I can take. I have been tortured so many times between the surgery and being left in pain until I had a full blown panic attack to the drain tube being out I my low abdomen while conscious and then the tube put in my back and then taken out and a stent put in! I’m done! Something has to give…

Every time I lay down I do a healing meditation and I focus on the three major areas. The hematoma to get out of me, the hole in my ureter to heal and the hole in my vaginal cuff to heal. None of which can heal as long as fluid is constantly flowing out of it! I am terrified of having to have another surgery too! Please, send me prayer for healing and recovery, I need them so badly………….

UPDATE: Tube is out…

I went in at 10:30am and had the tube removed from my back between the right kidney and bladder. They do great with sedation there, I slept through most of the procedures. I had the tube put in on Wednesday after they discovered that my right ureter had a hole in it and was leaking into my abdomen then out my vaginal cuff which also has a hole in it.

They put a stent in from my right kidney to my bladder and that stays for three months. If I heal well, the stent can come out then. No more pain in my back from the tube either. I’m exhausted from the sedation so, I have to take a nap.

I found a handful of other women who had the same thing happen to them during their hysterectomy and some of them lost a kidney. Hopefully, mine was caught early enough and it will heal well!

I can sleep on my right side again! The bed is calling for me since the sedation has me very loopy and exhausted! I get to take a shower tomorrow. This last week I had a sponge bath and “B” washed my hair, so I will be scrubbing my entire body.

My abdomen looks a lot better, but it still has a lot of bruising on the lower part and to the right. Good night all! Keep the prayer coming for a full recovery for me………….

UPDATE:

I saw the doctor today and he said I have a hole in my right ureter that is leaking urine and blood out into a large area of blood then out the hole in my vaginal cuff. Today they took the drain out that did nothing but hurt, but put a tube into my back from my right kidney down to my bladder. It is attached to a bag. The urine and blood from the hole is now going into the bag. Which is what it is supposed to do and I don’t have as much running out of my vagina. I go back on Friday for them to remove the tube and put in a stent that I have to keep in me for three month. The tube coming out my back hurts a lot and when I breathe in it hurts even more.

I spent ten hours today going from the doctors offices to the vascular center where they put the tube in and took out the drain. I just have to make it until Friday with this pain and carrying around a bag full of urine and blood. They said the stent will not cause me pain like this tube because it will not be sticking out my back.

I cannot sleep on my right side and that is how I sleep. I did nap when I got home on my left side to sleep off the sedation. I have already had to dump the bag as it had 250 ML of blood and urine in it already.

The doctor messed up and cut my ureter! I have been living in hell! I need all the prayers I can get so please send some up for me! If they did not put this tube in me I would of lost all function on the right side of my urinary tract. I wish I could sleep until Friday………….

Meditation to Heal….

I laid back down this morning, being sick will make you need lots of sleep. I did a meditation to help heal my body and get this infection abscess out of me. I started by relaxing and then I called to GOD and my guides to heal me. I envisioned the healing light fill my body and then I imagined little angels flying into my body and taking pieces of the abscess away. Then I fell asleep.

When I woke I was able to use the bathroom much more normal. I had been having trouble feeling a full bladder and getting it all out, but when I woke I went to the bathroom like normal. So, I will continue this meditation every morning when I lay down for my needed morning nap. I had read stories over the years of kids with cancer that would see the cancer being eaten by PAC man or other creatures and they improved dramatically. Some even got rid of all the cancer.

Our minds are powerful and we have the ability to create so much more than anyone seems to realize. I am willing to do anything possible to heal and recover from this mess. I look forward to being on the other side of healing and having only the memory of what had happened.

My friend brought me over a bag of Shakology and some almond milk. My blood levels are low and I am anemic. I am on iron supplement and I need a way to get protein in me when I can’t really eat much. I am excited to try it out. I hope it tastes great too. I have always wanted to try almond milk too. Shakology has everything your body needs to be healthy and heal and lots of people use it to loose weight and get healthy. Here is to hoping it gives my body the boost it needs to heal and recover………….

I was in the Hospital again…

So, after two days of leaking out watery blood that was smelling horrible I called the office again, this time they told me to go to the ER. This was on Thursday. I went in to the ER and my BP was very low, blood in my urine, hemoglobin very low and high platelets. The called my doctor in and his 2nd came to the ER. I do not like this women! She did a pelvic exam, finally, she pulled out chunks of stuff and cleaned around inside and it HURT! She said there is a hole in my vaginal cuff and proceeded to say I had to of put something in there, when I did NOT! The stuff coming out of me is an infection and the hole in the cuff was letting it come out of me, which was good in a way. They made me drink contrast for two hours and then a CT scan. Scan showed also an infection abscess in my lower left abdomen, where it has hurt me since surgery. I was admitted to the hospital and started on IV antibiotics plus and oral antibiotic. My left urethra line goes right through this abscess too.

The hospital here sucks! I swear they try to kill you. They wouldn’t give me my regular pain meds so I had to have someone bring them to me. I was sick as hell and couldn’t sleep. They said they couldn’t understand how I could be walking and talking and not have a high fever. My BP remained very low the entire time in the hospital and they were giving me my blood pressure meds! Idiots! They made me sicker!

They wanted to put a drain into my abscess but the machine broke down so I had to wait until the next day. Machine was still down so I had to drink contrast for two hours again and get another CT. The abscess was still the same. I waited a couple of hours and they finally got the machine up to do the drain. They inserted a line into the abscess and it felt like they were scraping me inside. They could not get much out of the drain but hooked up the suction bulb and told me to make sure it keeps suction by opening the valve and squeezing then closing the valve. I wanted to go home and they said I could after the drain, but then they were freaking out about my blood levels being so low so I had to wait for more blood work. I would have to get a blood transfusion if it did not improve at all. My hemoglobin was 6.8 and the blood work came back with it up a little to 7.2 so they finally let me go home Saturday. I felt horrible there and I just knew if I stayed any longer they would of killed me.

I am still leaking fluid out of me and they said it would be two weeks. So two weeks of depends! Sucks! I still have blood in my urine. The horrible smell from the stuff coming out of me went away though. I take one antibiotic three times a day and another one once a day. I feel better being home and on all of my medications. I guess the infection is very bad and will take time to get better. They said I could of died easily. Why do I keep having so much crap happen to me?

The drain site is extremely tender and sore. Only about an 1″ of the abscess fluid has Come up in the drain so far since it was put in Saturday. The fluid is very thick like jelly and blood colored. I see the doctor on Wednesday and hopefully the drain will get to come out then. I need this all to heal and get better so I can get better. I can’t wait to be past it all and it will be just a memory!

If I could go back I would never have the surgery. It was supposed to help me with all the pain I am in and all it did was make shit worse and about killed me. I don’t know if the doctor screwed up and caused this or I just get to be the lucky 1% that crap happens too. Please, if you read this, send up some prayers for me to heal and get better………….

Two Week Post-Op Vist…

I saw my doctor yesterday for my two weeks post-op visit. Upon arriving at the place I noticed it felt like I was trickling liquid out of me. I have been bleeding more than anyone else I know of and did not think to much of it. When I was in the room and checked by the nurse I decided to sit on the pad on the bed. That was a good thing. The doctor came in and looked at my stitches and said my pathology was all good. I stood up and I had bled through everything. Except it was more like blood colored water. They gave me a pad and told me that this can be normal, but to keep an eye on it for a while. They ran blood tests and my iron is LOW so I was put on an iron supplement. When I got home I changed my clothes and in 20 minutes I had bled through everything again. Then it was down to 15 minutes. I called the office and they said that they had told me this could be normal and to just keep an eye on it. Yet everywhere I have looked online says this is NOT normal! I had someone go get me a bag of Depends, adult diapers, since I could not contain this mess. It was like a faucet was on non stop! For the rest of the day I went through one Depends every three hours. After three hours it was full and bulky and very wet. I also did this the entire night. Where the hell does that much fluid even come from? I had a hell of a time sleeping.

I got up at 7am and again changed my diaper. I have been trying to rest and not move around to much. After three hours, again I had to put on another Depends. I have been wondering how the hell I am going to buy a bag of Depends every two days at $14 a pop! So far, I have gone four hour and I don’t have to change it yet, my fingers are crossed that it is done or will be very soon. I still feel it trickle out, but it is no longer non-stop.

What frustrates me the most is, I belong to a group online of other women who have hysterectomies and each section has a group for others who had it done around the same time as you so you can share with each other. I posted on everything that is occurring and all of them kept saying go to the ER or that I had a whack job for a doctor. I can’t just go to the ER, it’s the same place that i had my surgery done. I searched online everywhere for anyone else who had this happen to them and I came across one woman. They ran a ton of tests on her and never found anything to be wrong, put her on bed rest and it eventually stopped. So I have been feeling very scared and alone. I am usually the one who gets the one in a million things that happen to them so why should I be surprised. It’s the fact that every where I look says this is not good and to seek medical help, I seek medical help and they keep saying the same thing to me. That I need to just watch it and if it continues for more than two days to call them back. I did make it through two days of heavy bleeding and then it went back to normal for two days and then this happened to me.

I read posts everyday that all the other women in my group post and how most of them aren’t bleeding at all, let alone having to wear a diaper. I had the best in this area surgeon and everyone says how great he is. I also started crying out of the blue for spells yesterday. I was wondering when that would happen. No hormones anymore. I kept crying thinking how I was just like a baby, filling my diaper throughout the day and balling my eyes out! I see the doctor again in a month, which will be 6 weeks post-op for me. That is when he will do a pelvic exam and check on everything. He said nothing goes in there for six weeks or it can cause problems. That is also when I am supposed to be released to drive, swim and have sex again.

This has been a rough road for me. I did not expect all the issues I have had. Every single day I close my eyes and do a healing meditation with GOD. Healing me and my entire being. I can only hope, each day, that it will be a better day. Everyone heals, some just do it at different rates and some have weird things they have to deal with along the way. We all get there eventually! My tummy is still pretty bruised up but it’s faded a lot. It sure did get dark in those first few days. My doctor had told me that nothing he did caused that bruising and while at my appointment yesterday, the PA that was also at the hospital with me said that the instruments can bang around inside and cause that kind of bruising. I have not met anyone who had it happen to them yet though. I know how it happened, I had a full blown panic attack while in recovery because they left me there for too long in too much pain! I have a month of resting ahead of me. Right now I will be happy with not having to wear Depends anymore………….

I HAVE to make major changes…

I am slowly recovering from my surgery. Today I finally had a BM and it took exactly two weeks to have one. I feel things are all progressing along as they should. I see the doctor tomorrow and hopefully he will say that all is healing well.

I already had an issue with the huge amount of negativity in my house and how “B” never can say anything positive. Every single day he wakes up and is in a negative mood and complaining. Every comment is negative. He is very much a jerk and I have found I just can’t take being around him at all anymore. I don’t understand how anyone can be that negative and hateful.

I don’t know if leaving here or removing him is the best option. Both pose a lot of problems. Honestly, I want to just leave, but my kids are here and they can’t afford the bills on there on. I am tired of tolerating so much negativity just to make sure the bills are paid and we have a roof over our heads. If my adult kids would band together and work together one could get a job and one could watch my grandson and they could help make sure the bills are covered. When I brought up me leaving before my kids flipped out, mostly my son. That I was screwing him and where would he live. My entire life I have put up with crap from another to survive. I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t think I can do it anymore. I know I can’t do it anymore!